Hospital
by clair beaubien
Summary: M7 modern day AU. Chris & Vin are step-brothers. Vin's been abducted and tortured. This story follows his rescue & recovery. rated for more implied violence than I usually write. Also - Ch 20 deals with child molestation.
1. Chapter 1

_Friday night, maybe Saturday morning. The clock was too indistinct for Chris to make out in the dim glow of the hallway light as he struggled up out of sleep to answer the phone at his bedside. _

"_Larabee.__" probably work calling. God, he hoped it wasn't anything bad. _

"_Chris? Please tell me Vin is there with you." His mother's frantic voice sent fear straight into him. _

"_Mom - ?" _

"_**Is he there?**__" she demanded. _

"_No – what – where is he? What's going on?" _

"_They found his car.__" Now it sounded like she was crying. "But we can't find him.__" _

_Then Chris heard the click of another call waiting, and he heard his cell phone ringing in the pocket of his jacket hanging on the closet doorknob. _

_And it began. _


	2. Chapter 2

The house sat alone on a muddy cul-de-sac of a deserted housing development. With no grass or trees in view, mid-autumn rainstorms had turned the area into an obstacle course of mud traps and slick roadways. Havfing no hope for the element of surprise in the barren landscape, a line of squad cars screeched to a stop in front of the targeted structure, and a battalion of police officers converged upon it.

Buck Wilmington headed the assault, and was the first one to the door. Gun drawn, he gave the knob a twist. Finding it locked, he delivered an immediate and effective kick, and the door slammed open onto a seemingly empty house. Directing his men into and around the one-story building, Buck made his way guardedly but determinedly toward the back bedroom hallway.

A groggy, and no doubt hung over occupant stumbled through a doorway. He'd apparently just pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. "What the hell...?" he peered at Buck a moment, then seemed to gain understanding when he saw the gun pointed at him.

"Police! Stay where you are!"

But the suspect crossed the narrow hallway in a few steps and dove into a second bedroom, slamming the door behind him. With another well-aimed kick that he would feel for a week, Buck splintered the door open and directed his gun once again to the suspect standing before him.

Raising his arms slowly, the disheveled man's eyes twitched to the floor near his feet. Following his line of vision, Buck saw a gun lying a yard away on the cream pile carpeting. Another two feet beyond the gun, lying on bare mattress, bloody and beaten unrecognizable, Buck's eyes found Vin. Only a dozen years of police training kept Buck from emptying his gun into the suspect. He turned his attention back to him, and saw him still contemplating the gun on the floor.

"Reach for it..." Buck told him. His voice was hoarse. _"Please..._"

Not as stupid as he looked, the suspect pushed his arms as high as he could get them. "I give up! I give up!" Buck kept his gun trained on him as more police officers swept into the room.

"Somebody cuff that pile of shit before I splatter him from here to Christmas!" he snarled. He holstered his gun and turned to the task that he dreaded and longed for - getting Vin.

The bare mattress was stained with blood and urine and things Buck didn't even want to think about. A partially opened window let cold air stream right onto the pale figure pressed into the bed. Dressed only in a bloody t-shirt and boxer shorts, with his hands tied in front of himself, and not a blanket or sheet in sight, Vin's body tremored with cold. His eyes were open, but glassy and unfocused, staring at the near wall and the dry spatters of blood that dotted it.

"God, Vin - what'd they do to you?" Buck slammed the window shut, tossed his jacket over him, then knelt by the bed and began to work on the ropes that wouldn't give. "A knife - I need a knife!" Tanner's hands were swollen and an alarming grayish-blue. "Somebody get me a knife!" he demanded as he kept at the stubborn knot.

A pocket knife appeared in front of him, and he made short work of the rope. "Vin? Are you with me? C'mon Tanner." Buck pleaded. "Say something. Look at me." But the only answer was pitiful whimpers and a feeble attempt to pull away from the sudden pain as Buck tried to rub blood and life back into the frozen hands.

M7*M7*M7

_Pain. That's all Vin knew. That's all he had known. Nothing else claimed space in his consciousness but pain. They were hurting him again. What did they want? He couldn't remember that, could only remember that he had no answer for them. Could only remember the pain that resulted from not knowing. 'Chris...' but Chris wasn't here. He only came in dreams and nightmares, and he wasn't here now. 'Chris...'_

M7*M7*M7

"C'mon Vin. I heard you. What're you saying? C'mon and look at me...where's the damn ambulance?!" Buck snapped, and was rewarded by the wail of a siren rapidly approaching the house. "Hang on VIn, you hear me? You hang on."

Alarmed by the amount of blood not actually in Tanner's body, Buck expected every breath would be the last. "You're safe now Tiny. The cavalry finally came. You hear me? You hang on."

_Suddenly, the cold stopped knifing into him, but his hands felt like they were encased in electrified concrete, and the pain kept shooting from his fingertips up through his wrists. He didn't know what they wanted and they never let up hurting and demanding answers he didn't have. Chris wasn't here, Chris would save him, but Chris wasn't here..._

Buck nearly jumped out of his skin when Vin went absolutely still on the bed.

"God - no - Vin - please. You can't give up now..." He was surprised when Vin turned his head slightly toward the door, and his eyes almost seemed to be registering something. "What is it?" Buck turned to look over his shoulder.

Chris Larabee had come into the room.

To Be Continued


	3. Chapter 3

The smell got to Chris first. The little room smelled of filth and vomit and fear. He froze just as he got through the doorframe, splintered in true Wilmington style. That couldn't be Vin. Please God that wasn't Vin, cowering on the foul mattress, every inch black and blue and hideously battered.

But that was Buck's jacket over him, and Buck kneeling beside him, with a look of grave concern and utter hatred on his face as he held the grossly swollen hands between his own.

It was the eyes though, the bewildered eyes in the battered face that told Chris what he wished wasn't so. The broken, bloody form on the bed could only be Vin.

"He's alive." Buck's urgent whisper broke through Chris' hesitation, and he started for the bed.

As he moved forward, Vin began to fight against Buck's hands holding his own. The body that hardly seemed to have life much less strength left in it, pushed and struggled to be free. Surprised, and not wanting to cause any more damage to Vin, Buck let go. Suddenly released, Vin started to pitch off the bed and it was Chris, not Buck, who got to him first. He caught the frail body already half off the bed, and gently lowered him to the floor.

Still struggling, Vin refused to be laid out flat onto the stained carpet. His bloated fingers grasped futilely at Chris' jacket but couldn't close at all to hold on. He seemed to be trying to speak, but it was only a hoarse choking sound that Chris couldn't make out. All he knew was that Vin was desperate to hang onto him, and he found he was just as desperate to be held onto.

Wary of the damage already done, and the added pain he might be inflicting, Chris drew Vin closer to him, keeping Buck's jacket around his shoulders. He meant to hold Vin against his chest, hoping his thundering heartbeat would reassure his frightened brother. But Vin's body went limp against him, and Chris ended up cradling him against his bent knees, with Vin's back pressed into his diaphragm, and his face buried in the crook of Chris' supporting arm.

"I'm here, I've got you. Don't try to talk Vin, don't -." Then he listened closer and the sound tore the heart right out of him. The broken, choking sounds weren't Vin trying to talk.

He was sobbing.

M7*M7*M7

_Chris was there. Chris was there. Chris was there. That one awareness overrode every other detail in Vin's mind. The pain, the fear, the cold - nothing mattered anymore. Chris was there and Vin knew he was safe. All he had to do was hold onto Chris and everything would be all right._

M7*M7*M7

Chris bent his head down to Vin's, not seeing the filthy hair or the smears of blood and other bodily fluids that now covered his own clothes and hands.

"Vin? You hear me?"

The arm that supported Vin, Chris curled up and around the shrunken body. With the other hand, he pushed the matted, filthy hair aside to get a better look at Sam's face. The terrible shivering worried Chris as much as the explicit physical damage.

"You hear me Vin? It's okay, you're safe now." He said it softly, but firmly, wanting his voice if not the words to penetrate. He wanted to calm Vin, not silence him. God knew, the man had suffered enough to cry for days.

Buck stayed crouched in the corner for a minute, watching his friends. Vin's useless hands twitched reflexively, still trying to take hold of Chris somehow, even as his trembling body jerked with his sobs. The ligature marks around his wrists were angry red and oozing, and he had similar ones around his ankles. His bare knees were scraped and raw over the bruises. The little flesh Sam'd ever had, had been used up during his ordeal and his joints and bones seemed about ready to pop through his skin.

"I think he was trying to get to you." Buck decided. His voice was thick. "He was scrambling off the bed, trying to get to you." Chris nodded stiffly, not lifting his head or changing the slow, steady rhythm of his whispered reassurances. But Buck could see tears filling Larabee's eyes.

That was too much.

Buck stood up and carefully maneuvered his way past them. "I'll get a blanket or sheet or something...get him warmed up..." Even as he said this, the paramedics hurried through the doorway.

"We're gonna need room." The woman said abruptly, even before she and her partner set their equipment near Chris. "Can we get this bed out of the way?"

In a few movements, Buck grabbed the metal frame of the narrow bed opposite Chris and Vin, and yanked it a good four feet away.

"Thanks..." As brusque and efficient as her initial actions had been, her demeanor changed as she knelt beside the two men. "I need to see him." She said gently.

Chris nodded. She needed to see Vin. They needed to work on him. Stop the bleeding, splint his bones, wrap his hands, save his life. But his arms hesitated at letting go. Two weeks of desperate, determined searching, followed by three brief minutes of blessed relief, and Chris wasn't ready to give that up. But he knew he had to.

He nodded again and began to slowly, carefully, reluctantly, ease Vin away from himself to lay him out on the carpet. Vin's crying changed, as he felt himself losing his one security. The choked sobs turned to frantic whimpers. He couldn't use his hands, but he moved his arms, trying to hold on.

"It's okay Vin, it's okay." Chris kept on as they got him settled between the bed and wall. "I'm not leaving. They'll take care of you. We'll get you out of here. It's okay, it's okay..."

M7*M7*M7

_Chris. Chris. Chris. The only thing left to hold onto and he was being pulled away and Vin was falling back into the abyss of pain and fear and humiliation. Chris. Chris. Chris. He had to hold onto Chris. He couldn't lose Chris. Where was Chris? Where was Chris?_

_Then his senses registered him again. It seemed like a dozen hands were touching him at once - Chris was the hands that didn't move. There, on his head, Vin felt two hands gently bracing him. After awhile, they moved, and after one or two anxious seconds, Sam felt them settle again on his arm, while the other hands probed his skull and touched his face. Hardly aware of anything else, Vin kept precise track of those hands. _

M7*M7*M7

Chris was only slightly reassured when Vin's distressing whimpers changed to a steady moan, like a child whining over the whir of a dentist's drill. He tried not to break physical contact, as much for himself as for Vin. He looked up once to find Buck still there. Their eyes met and they each nodded. Two weeks of all kinds of hell were finally over. They had Vin back, and neither of them were about to even lose sight of him.

M7*M7*M7

Using her scissors, the EMT made short work of the t-shirt and shorts on Vin so they could get to work on him. She peeled the stained and stiffened fabric away from his body, leaving him entirely exposed and vulnerable.

Buck turned away and leaned against the doorframe. Chris stared – unable to believe or understand the brutality. It made him physically sick. Not an inch of Vin hadn't been beaten or cut or burned, and the way his skin clung to his bones made Chris think of pictures of concentration camp survivors.

It took a second or two for Chris to realize that Vin's whimpering had stopped. He seemed to be holding his breath, and his head turned a little, from side to side, as though he was trying to figure something out. Even in his panicked state, it seemed he realized he'd been deprived of the little dignity he'd been allowed until now.

He began to whimper again, turning his head more forcefully from side to side. He started to bring his hands up and Chris caught them in his own, hating the feel of the cold, swollen flesh. He turned so that his back was to the EMTs and everything they were doing.

"Hey Vin." Chris leaned down close, keeping his voice calm and steady. He knew Vin was shy about his body – he had been since he was a teenager and almost all the other boys shot up taller and bigger than he ever would grow. Even now, two weeks without a shave left him a poor excuse for a beard over his bruised and disfigured face. Chris thought maybe he could distract him from what was being done to him. "Are you with me?"

The twitching stopped, though not the whimpering, and Vin turned to the voice.

"I'm here with you, and you're safe now. Okay Vin? You know this is me, right?" Chris didn't expect any real response to that, but he thought he heard a slight falter in the whimpers. "The EMTs are working on you now Vin. Okay? I'm here Vin, and they're taking care of you, so that we can take you to the hospital." Maybe repeating his name would reach him. "Vin? It's okay Vin. I'm here, and you're safe¼"

Vin lifted his head a little, and Chris let go of one of his hands to lightly touch his forehead.

"Stay settled now Vin. Let them work on you, okay? I know you're uncomfortable, but it's only for a couple minutes, and then they'll get you wrapped up and warmed up to go to the hospital. Okay Vin? You know this is me, right?" Still not expecting a response, he was surprised to see Vin actually dip his head in a shallow nod, and hear the raspy breath.

"_¼__Chris__¼__" _

M7*M7*M7

"_Vin – you better have those pajamas on before Grandma gets here or no movie." Chris called up the stairs. The only response was the sound of small bare feet rushing back and forth across the bedroom floor. He growled in exasperation and went back to the kitchen. _

"_Your Grandma's coming over?" Buck asked. _

"_Jim's Mom actually. She's coming up from Texas for the wedding. You want some ginger ale?" Chris opened the fridge and took out a two-liter bottle of soda pop. _

"_Thanks. You call her Grandma?" _

"_Yeah, she asked me if I would. She's a really nice lady, I met her over the summer. Get some glasses down?" He brought out a tray of ice cubes. _

"_Sure__¼__" _

"_She does real good for being as old as she is." Chris went on. "She lives by herself, she drives all by herself up from Texas. She still seems pretty with it, you know. She can still see and hear and everything." Buck cracked the ice cube tray and started to fill the glasses. _

"_How old is she?" _

_Chris calculated. "She must be going on sixty." he allowed. _

"_Wow, that is old." Buck agreed. _

_They heard the small, pounding feet rushing down the stairs and a pale blur of flesh burst from the staircase and ran to the TV. _

"_Buck! Buck!" Vin announced excitedly. "Chris got me Willie Wonka!" He had no clothes on at all. _

"_Hey – Naked Boy!" Chris scolded him. "I'm not gonna tell you again – get upstairs and get your pajamas on, or no movie. Grandma's gonna be here soon and she doesn't need to see your toe." Vin only giggled and disappeared up the stairs as fast as he'd come down them. _

"_Toe?" Buck asked. Chris gestured vaguely to the front of his jeans. _

"_That's what he calls it." He shrugged. Overhead came a loud crash and thud, followed by Vin howling in pain. Chris raced for the stairs, Buck following. _

"_Gee, I hope it wasn't his toe." _

_They found Vin sprawled on the hallway floor, still in all his glory. He held his foot in a death grip in both hands, with his head tipped back to give full volume to his pain and outrage. The hallway was filled with boxes from their move into the new house, and one lay on its side and partially spilled next to Vin. _

"_Let me see – let me see." Chris called over the din. "C'mon, you're not dead__¼__" _

_He took hold of the offended foot to inspect it. Once he determined no real or permanent damage had been done, he pulled it up for a 'closer look', lifting Vin's lower body off the floor an inch or two. _

"_Looks okay to me." He said, grabbing each toe and wiggling it in turn. Vin's howls became interspersed with laughter. "What d'you think Buck?" _

"_I don't know, maybe we should compare it to the other one?" and he lifted Vin's other foot, against the little boy's laughing, kicking protest. "Yep, looks OK to me too__¼__think we should put him to bed just in case?" _

_Vin was fully laughing now. _

"_Movie!" he tried to shout, out of air from laughing. "I wanna watch the movie! I – ha ha ha – stop it! Stop it!" The two older boys tickled his exposed feet until Vin – still laughing - pleaded: "Chris – help!" and Chris immediately stopped tickling him, and bent down to scoop Vin upside down over his shoulder. _

"_Movie! Movie! Movie." Vin chanted. _

"_Pajamas Naked Boy! Or no movie!" and he dumped Vin onto his bed, bouncing him a few times in the process. From the doorway, Buck watched them scuffle affectionately, until both were done in from laughing, and Vin finally had his pajamas on. _

M7*M7*M7

The EMTs prepared to place Vin onto the gurney and make sure he was adequately packaged for the trip to the hospital. As he'd been worked on, as he was splinted and bandaged, strapped to a backboard and neckbrace, placed on an IV, and treated kindly for the first time in two weeks, Vin relaxed and gradually stopped whimpering. He was even able to nod or shake his head as they asked him about pain as they poked and prodded and manipulated him.

Whenever he had the chance, Chris would lean down close to Vin and whisper to him, keeping a hand on him wherever he could.

"How you doing Vin? We're gonna get you out of here, get you to the hospital. You're safe now, okay? You just relax and rest if you can. Okay?" and Vin would go still, and turn his head to Chris' voice.

Just once, before they asked Chris for some room to get the gurney in, just once Vin kept his eyes open and held Chris' gaze long enough that Chris knew it was on purpose. He started to say something, and Chris had to lean in really close to catch the rasping breath.

"_They hurt me__¼_" trembled out, his voice that of a small child wanting his big brother's protection.

"I know." Chris managed to say through gritted teeth. "We'll get them."

Vin continued to look at him, through swollen eyes. Making himself move slowly, totally contrary to the rage he was feeling, Chris lifted his hand to lay on Vin's forehead.

"Close your eyes now Vin. Rest. They'll be taking you to the hospital in a minute. Okay? Close your eyes."

And when Vin did close his eyes, and the EMTs asked Chris to move, he stood up and away, and turned around - to find himself eye to eye with Buck.

"Where you going?" Wilmington asked. There was a hint of warning in his voice.

"To kill them."

"And that's gonna help Tiny how? What kinda help you gonna be to him when you get arrested and thrown into the jug yourself?"

"You see him Buck? You see what they did to him?" Chris tried to keep his voice down, for Vin's sake, but the hatred came through loud and clear. "They're not getting away with that."

"No they aren't Chris. But hunting them down and ripping them to shreds isn't the way we do things."

"The hell with the way we do things. They don't live another hour." He pushed past Buck, but only got a few strides down the hallway when Buck grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Listen to me Chris –." He started. Chris pulled out of his grip.

"Listen to you? Buck – do you see what they did to him?"

"Yes Chris. I see him." Buck said loudly. "I found him – remember? I see what they did to him." He dropped his voice. "Do _you_ see him Chris? Do you see that he only quiets down when he knows you're nearby? Do you see how he turns to your voice and reaches for you when you're not touching him? You just going to throw that back at him? Let him go through the rest of it all by himself? You gonna do that?"

Buck's words started to sink in, he could see it. Chris relaxed – a little – and closed his eyes. He seemed to be gathering his thoughts.

"So what – where do we stand? Has the – suspect – said anything yet?" His voice was rough with the effort of shifting emotional gears. "Did he blow in his accomplices?"

"Are you kidding?" Buck turned to lean back against the wall. "He gave 'em up on a spit. When he found out they ran out of here and left him to take the fall, he couldn't ID them fast enough."

"They ran out?" Chris asked.

"Yeah, I guess being subjected to the Larabee charm this morning scared the shit right out of 'em. Decided to cut their losses and run."

"Stupid idiots." He growled, but Buck shook his head.

"Well, they couldn't have been too completely stupid. They were smart enough to be terrified of a pissed-off Chris Larabee¼we already sent a couple of cruisers and picked them up Chris. They weren't too hard to find and they're probably being processed even as we speak." This seemed to put starch back in Chris.

"I want to see them."

"Give it up Chris. You won't get one foot inside the precinct house. I already left word to everybody I possibly could – you don't get back in there until those three are gone."

"Why the hell did you do that?" Chris demanded.

"Because – you'd want to kill them." Buck turned to look toward the room he'd found Vin in. "And I'd let you."

To be continued


	4. Chapter 4

Chris followed the gurney out of the ambulance, through the automatic doors and into the antiseptic hallway of the ER, where Nathan waited grimly. Buck had gone to the precinct with the unlucky kidnappers, and Josiah had volunteered to tell Chris and Vin's parents and bring them to the hospital.

As the paramedics rushed Vin toward a treatment room, Nathan put a hand on Chris' shoulder to stop him.

"Chris – I need you to talk to the admitting nurse." Larabee didn't want to be stopped. "We need to start a chart on Vin, you know his medical history. We're gonna be busy in there –." Nathan motioned back to the ER cubicles and rooms. " – and there's a lot we'll probably have to do to Vin that you wouldn't like anyway. I need you to stay here and help the nurse admit him. Will you do that for me Chris? For Vin?"

Coiled like a spring, needing to follow Vin, Chris forced himself to nod. Nathan still kept that hand on him though, until Chris took a step back and willed his muscles to relax.

"I'll let you know ASAP Chris." Nathan promised before running to Vin.

The admitting nurse, an older woman with a lot of experience, stood next to Chris with her clipboard in hand and waited for him to acknowledge her presence.

"Why don't we sit over here?" She guided him back to her partitioned area. "We'll try to get through this as fast as possible¼"

Chris followed her awkwardly to the chairs she pointed out and sat down, knowing he'd never be able to concentrate.

"Now¼" the nurse took up her pen. "What's his name?"

M7*M7*M7

_Chris Larabee, tall and lanky, and all of eighteen, crossed the empty picnic grounds. Vin Tanner, undersized but tough, and just turned six, held tight to the older boy's hand, taking two or three determined steps to each of Chris' long, easy ones. An early morning sky hung above them, deep blue and patched with clouds. _

"_How come nobody's here yet?" Vin asked. He yawned and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with a hand still sticky from the sweet roll he'd had for breakfast. _

"_I wanted to get here first." Chris told him. "Before the rest of the family. 'Sides, I like getting up real early in the morning." _

"_Me too." Vin agreed on the heels of another yawn. The two were dressed alike, by design of the little boy, who'd picked out jeans and t-shirt to match what he'd seen Chris wearing that morning. "What about all that food we brought? Are we gonna leave it in the car? My sneaker's untied. Who else is coming? Is our Mom and Dad coming?" and Chris smiled as he grabbed Vin up to set him on a picnic table and tie his sneaker. _

"_Oh yeah, we'll bring the food out later, soon as everybody else is here. You'll get to meet Grandma and Grandpa, and we got lots of cousins to play with__¼__" _

"_Grandma from Texas?" Vin asked, completely puzzled. The only Grandma he knew lived way far away, but she'd been there at the wedding, so maybe she was coming here too. _

"_No, not your Dad's Mom. This is my Dad's Mom. My Dad's family has a picnic here every year." Chris tied and double tied the knot. _

"_And she's my Grandma?" Vin's tone was pitched higher than normal with confusion. _

"_Well sure she is..." Chris started to explain, but Vin interrupted. _

"_And your Dad died like my Mom?" _

"_Yeah__¼__" Chris finished the sneaker and took Vin's hand again. "Why don't we play on the slides and stuff for awhile?" _

"_Okay." Vin readily agreed and jumped off the table. "But how come if she's your Dad's Mom she can be my Grandma 'cause she's not my Grandma she's your Grandma." _

"_She's your Grandma too." Chris assured him. "Of course she is. You're part of this family now too." _

"_But how?" Vin persisted. _

"_Easy - 'cause you're my brother." _

_First Vin's eyebrows pulled together in consideration, then his eyes opened wide in surprise, and he broke out into a delighted grin. _

M7*M7*M7

"Chris?" The nurse broke into his thoughts to try again. "What's his middle initial?"

"L." Chris told her then had to repeat himself when it wasn't loud enough. "His middle initial is 'L'." and he told her the full name that Vin had gone by ever since that day at the picnic grounds. "His name is _Vincent Larabee Tanner__¼__" _

M7*M7*M7

_Friday early evening. Dinner was over, Mom was inside watching television. Jim was on duty until tomorrow morning, so Vin was spending the weekend with the Larabees. Chris was stretched out nice and comfortable in the hammock, set to one side of the tiny backyard lawn. He had one arm tucked under his head, a sky growing dark and full of stars over him, and nothing to do until Monday morning. _

_He heard the back door open and close, and Vin came scuffing towards the hammock. In his arms he carried the big brown paper bag that held all his portable possessions. He hadn't set it down since he and Jim came to the duplex for dinner, over five hours before. _

"_Why don't you take off your coat and stay awhile?" Chris asked, when Vin was beside the hammock. He'd only known the five year old a month or so now, since early September, but he really liked the kid. He was quiet and thoughtful, and seemed genuinely grateful for any little attention paid to him. _

"_Hunh?" _

"_Your stuff." Chris indicated the bag. "Why don't you set it down? You going somewheres?" _

"_Mrs. Kahabka__¼__I go to her house." Vin said it very matter-of-factly. _

"_Yeah but – you come here now." Chris wondered if Jim hadn't really explained that to him. Mom first offered and then insisted that Jim let Vin stay here whenever he was at work. _

"_How come I come here now?" _

"_Well__¼__" _

_How much hadn't Jim explained? Vin's Mom had been dead four months now, nearly. Jim and Sera had only just started dating, but they'd known each other since February; they met at the hospital where Grandma was in for breast cancer, and Vin's mom was in for leukemia. _

"_Well__¼__" Chris repeated. "On account of we're friends, right? You've stayed at a friend's house__¼__right?" _

_But Vin shook his head. _

"_I go to Mrs. Kahabka's house." His voice was tinged with a confusion. _

"_Don't you want to stay here with us?" Chris tried. He didn't want to be the one to have to explain things to Vin. "We could stay up tonight and watch a movie, and eat popcorn__¼__does that sound okay?" He had to prompt when Vin didn't answer. _

_Finally, after much thought, Vin gave him a nod. _

"_Well if you're staying, you can set that bag down." _

_But the thin little arms tightened around the bag. Chris sighed. No kid should have to be that worried. _

_All afternoon, no matter what Vin was doing, the second anybody moved, he'd jump up with his bag and ask, _

"_Are we going?" _

_It wasn't even that he sounded anxious to leave, it just sounded like a rote question. His Mom being so sick all his life, he must have gotten used to picking up and leaving at a moment's notice. But Mom would tell him each time, or Chris would, that they weren't going anywhere. So, he'd settle back down with his bag, until the next time somebody stood, or turned, or took a deep breath. _

"_We're not going anywhere y'know. You're not going anywhere. Not tonight anyway." _

"_Sometimes I do." _

"_At night?" _

"_Uh hunh." The little head bobbed. "Sometimes. Sometimes Mommy has t'go to the hoss-spittle and I go to Mrs. Kahabka's__¼__" His mouth twisted in a small frown. Probably thinking about his Mommy. _

"_What do you do at Mrs. Kahabka's?" Chris hoped to get his mind on something else. _

"_We play dom-nose." _

"_Is that all you do?" _

"_Uh hunh." _

"_Oh – I have some dominoes, we could play." _

"_I don't like playing it." Vin said. _

"_So why do you?" Chris asked, and Vin shrugged. _

"_We just do__¼__" _

"_Oh__¼__" _

_Chris never thought it'd be this hard to have a little kid hanging around. They were supposed to play and ask a million questions and hang onto you even when you wanted them to let you go. "_

"_You wanna come up here with me?" indicating the hammock. _

"_Why?" _

"_Why not? It's getting dark, we can watch all the stars__¼__"_

_Chris pointed to the sky, and Vin looked up as though he'd never looked up there before in his life._

"_Didn't you ever watch the stars? Just sit outside at night and watch the stars?" _

"_No." Vin answered as he continued to look up. "Sometimes me n'Daddy sit on the steps and water the lawn at night. Sometimes he lets me hold onto the hose too and lets me water it all by myself." _

"_You probably never got to spend too much time with your Dad, hunh?" Or his Mom, Chris thought but didn't say out loud. The little boy shook his head and looked at Chris. _

"_He took me to the zoo once. He let me get cotton candy. After we had the big party for Mommy going away__¼__" _

"_Why don't you come up in the hammock with me?" Chris almost insisted. He didn't want to have to look at those big, teary eyes anymore. Or hear the after-funeral reception referred to as a "party". _

"_How?" _

"_Here, let me pick you up__¼__" Chris reached over and lifted Vin under his arms. _

"_It moves!" he said, with no small amount of surprise. He let go of his paper bag with one hand to frantically grip Chris' arm. "I'll fall!" _

"_No, you won't fall. See, I've got you__¼__"Chris reassured him, and kept a tight hold on the slight body. Still, Vin was resistant, and he came awkwardly into the hammock. Once there, he stayed stiffly on his knees, eyes wide, still death-gripping Chris' arm. His body jerked with the movement of the hammock. _

"_I'm gonna fall!" he insisted again, sounding like he might cry. _

"_No you're not." Chris assured him again. He couldn't keep a slight laugh out of his voice. "I wouldn't let you fall. C'mere, lay down next to me. C'mon. Here you go." Chris ended up haVing to gently force Vin to turn his body and settle back in the circle of his arm. _

"_I'm gonna fall__¼__" Vin still complained, as the hammock swayed with their movements. _

"_No, just hold onto me, and you won't fall." _

_And Chris found himself on the receiving end of a death-grip hug, with a half full paper bag squished in between his body and Vin's. He set the hammock into a steady rocking motion, and just held on to the little boy until he felt him start to relax. Overhead, star constellations were beginning to stand out against the darkening sky. _

"_Hey, look__¼__" Chris nudged Vin to lift his head from where it was squished against his chest. "The Big Dipper__¼__see, those stars up there__¼__" _

_First Vin turned his head, then slowly his body followed, until he was on his back, with his head resting on Chris' shoulder, and holding on to his encircling arm with both of his own. He even let go of the paper bag and pushed it until it rested at his feet. _

_Chris pointed out the stars, and explained them to Vin, answering the hesitant questions, and keeping the hammock gently rocking. He was surprised really how nice it was to have Vin out here spending time with him. He mostly usually only spent time with Buck; it was kinda nice for a change to have a shy, quiet friend, to whom the world was big and bright and new. _

"_But – but how come –." Vin had one leg hanging off the hammock, and he swung it back and forth. " – they don't fall outta the sky?" _

"_Sometimes they do, sometimes if you're watching real close you see a falling star. You know, when you see a falling star, you're supposed to make a wish."_

"_Wish for what?" _

"_Anything you want." _

"_I wanna not hafta play dom-nose again__¼__" Vin stated flatly, and Chris laughed. _

"_I think we can arrange that__¼__" _

M7*M7*M7

An hour passed.

_You can go in now._

Chris expected to hear those words from every single person he saw, it didn't matter if they wore a medical uniform or not. He paced from the waiting room, down the short hallway in front of the admitting nurse's cubicle, to the doorway that led to security, and then back again. The automatic doors repeatedly swished open and closed in his wake.

_You can go in now._

Vin was still alive. If he wasn't, Nathan would've come to tell him. So, Vin was still alive. Maybe he was getting a blood transfusion, but he and Chris weren't the same type, so Chris didn't ask about donating. They would do something about his hands, they would save his hands. Please God he couldn't lose his hands.

From what Chris remembered, none of the burns, abrasions or lacerations seemed too bad, not taken individually. They all seemed infected though. Every mark on him had seemed to be infected, and the bruises and swelling distorted the normal shape of his body. But the ER staff was helping him, and Chris knew he'd be able to see Vin as soon as they were done.

He only had to wait.

M7*M7*M7

_¼__hurts__¼__hurts__¼__hurts__¼__Chris__¼__ Vin couldn't keep track of everything being done to him. Those dozen hands were touching him again, only none of them were Chris. __¼__hurts__¼__cold__¼__Chris__¼__don't__¼__hurts__¼__cold__¼__stop__¼__stop__¼__Nathan? Vin was almost as relieved to hear Nathan's voice as he would've been to hear Chris'. Nathan nearby meant he was in a hospital and that meant he was out of that house and that meant he was safe. Now all he needed was Chris__¼_

M7*M7*M7

Two hours passed.

_You can go in now._

He knew exactly which cubicle Vin was in – he could see through the window in the swinging double doors which curtains had the most traffic. Vin was behind those curtains; his baby brother was behind those curtains not one hundred feet away and he couldn't take one step to be closer to him. Chris knew Nathan was doing the very best he could for Vin, he knew Vin was being given fluids and painkillers and everything else he needed to survive. They didn't need Chris in there.

_You can go in now. _

But Chris needed to be in there, and he couldn't do anything but pace this floor.

_You can go in now. _

M7*M7*M7

_¼__warm__¼__hurts__¼__thirsty__¼__Chris__¼__people__¼__warm__¼__Nathan__¼__hurts__¼__thirsty__¼__tired__¼__ Chris__¼__hands__¼_

M7*M7*M7

As the third hour approached, Buck appeared in the waiting room. He held a paper bag in his hand.

"I stopped by and picked you up some clothes." He offered the bag to Chris. "No word?"

"Not yet."

"No news is good news, hunh?" Buck tried, but Chris didn't say anything. He took the bag and looked inside. "I bet they got a place you can clean up Chris. Take a shower? You'll feel better."

"I wanna wait till I see him. I want to be here just as soon as they tell me -."

"_You can go in now." _

Nathan's voice startled Chris. He looked up, stared at Nathan as though he didn't understand the words.

"We've completed the preliminary work on Vin, so you can go –."

Nathan was cut off as Chris shoved the paper bag back at Buck and ran to the cubicle.

M7*M7*M7

_Hot. Cold. Hurts. Fine. Swimming. Suffocating. Floating. Falling. Hurts. Fine. Spinning. Sleeping Loud. Silent. People. Alone. Touching. Nothing. Hurts. Fine. Can't move. Too tired. Chris Chris Chris Chris__¼_

_Vin let any and all thoughts just wander through his head. The pain was less, the cold was less, nothing seemed to be required of him but to stay still under this blanket. Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris. As soon as he had enough energy and breath, he'd ask again where Chris was. He needed Chris. He wanted Chris. He'd be absolutely sure he was safe as soon as Chris was with him again. _

M7*M7*M7

The grommets and pins holding the curtains on the dividing rod had never been subjected to as much stress as when Chris grabbed the fabric to push it out of his way in his need to get to Vin. He really didn't know what he was expecting – that the small space would be packed full of large, loud, mysterious machinery and a squad of hospital personnel, or that Vin would be encased head to toe in bandages or traction.

He found neither.

Aside from one nurse, who stood off to the side, writing information into a chart, Vin was alone in the cubicle. He seemed to be asleep on the exam table, with a blanket covering him almost up to his chin, and he was connected by tubes and wires to an IV and one overhead monitor. It seemed that the blood had been washed off his face, though it was hard to tell with the bruises, but his hair was still matted and dirty.

Chris looked down at himself; he was still covered with whatever had covered Vin. Just as soon as he knew everything was set with Vin, he'd get those clothes from Buck again and take a shower.

M7*M7*M7

_¼__warm__¼__thirsty__¼__quiet__¼__hands__¼__Chris__¼__Chris__¼__Chris__¼_

"_**Chris?" **_

M7*M7*M7

Even the nurse jumped at the harsh sound when Vin called out his brother's name. Chris was at his side in a heartbeat, catching the still-bound hand as it came up from under the blanket.

"Hey Vin."

The swollen eyes were open and turned to look at him. "How're you doing?" And Vin gave him what seemed to be a puzzled look. "Stupid question, hunh?"

"¼s-s-safe¼?"

"Yep, you're safe."

"¼don't¼leave¼?"

The nurse gave him a glance, and Chris could see her eyes go up and down, taking in his filthy state. Too bad about her. All thoughts of a shower and clean clothes evaporated.

"I won't leave you Vin."

To be continued


	5. Chapter 5

Chris was outside the cubicle, sitting in a wheelchair, when Buck came in. Chris didn't notice him, so Buck crouched in front of him.

"How's he doing?"

"Better." Chris nodded as he spoke. "He calmed down after I spent twenty minutes swearing I wouldn't leave the hospital. I'm just trying to get the energy to go back in."

"Well you needed to get cleaned up Chris, and so did Tiny." Buck chewed his lip. "Listen Chris, those guys sang pretty easy -" He took a deep breath. "They did some God-awful things to him."

"I know." Chris cut him off. "Nathan just told me - Vin asked him to tell me."

Judging from the look on Chris's face, Buck knew what Chris was thinking. "Chris - he can survive this. You can survive this..." Chris nodded; he knew it, he just didn't feel it. The nurse came from behind the curtain.

"You can go back in now." But Chris hesitated. Buck stood up. "Think he'd mind if I popped in to say 'hi'?"

"No - I'm sure it'd cheer him up. I think he'd like it." Chris went first, Buck followed. Vin had his arm over his eyes, his breathing suggested he was upset, and Buck was going to slip out again. As he turned, Vin looked to see who had come in.

"Buck?" the name was barely recognizable.

And Buck had a smile on his face before he turned back. "I thought maybe you were sleeping. I came to see how you're doing."

"Chris told me...you were...in charge...of the rescue." It took Vin several breaths to get the whole sentence out.

"Hey, what're friends for?"

"…saved my life." Vin went on. Buck was embarrassed by the thought.

"Naah, if I don't perform at least one heroic act every week, I kinda get off my game..."

M7*M7*M7

JD ran through the doors into the ER. Not bothering to check at the desk, he kept going past the disapproving nurses, through the swinging double doors, and aimed right for the large grouping of detectives hovering near one particular cubicle.

"Buck?!" He called out. "Where is he? Can I see him? Is he all right? What wouldn't you tell me over the phone? How bad is he? Can I see him? Where is he?"

Excusing himself from the men he was talking to, Buck stepped toward JD and took his arm. "Slow down JD. C'mon over here. You can see him in a minute. I need to fill you in…"

"But – he's in there, isn't he?" JD resisted the tug that took him away from the cubicle. "I want to see him."

"_In – a – minute_." Buck said patiently. "I need to tell you what to expect…"

That got JD's attention fast. "How bad is he?"

"_Bad_."

"What? What'd they do to him?" JD asked, trying to keep eye contact when Buck dropped his eyes to the floor.

"Oh JD…" he let out a tired sigh. "You'd do better to ask what they didn't do…" Buck put his hands on JD's shoulders and proceeded to tell him, as gently as possible, everything he knew from the criminals' confessions and Nathan's examination.

"They haven't cleaned him up too good yet." Buck added, when the litany of cruelties was done. "And they're about to take him for x-rays. He looks bad JD, I won't lie to you. There's not an inch on his face that doesn't have a bruise, or most of his body either. He's scared and he's not completely with it every second, so be ready for that." Buck watched for JD's reaction. "You still want to see him?"

Wide eyed in horror, JD nodded. "I still want to see him."

"All right then. We can't stay too long. Nathan'll kick us out anyway when they want to take him to x-ray. You take a deep breath now JD. Then we'll go over."

"Okay." A deep breath in, a long breath out. "I'm ready."

Buck kept his hand on JD's back as they walked through the curtain into the cubicle. JD stopped dead in his tracks, unable to stop the gasp that the sight in front of him caused. Chris stood beside the table, one arm holding Vin semi-upright, the other hand keeping an emesis basin in place as Vin harshly retched up nothing. His hands were still bound into fists with gauze and every visible bit of skin was a different shade of horrible. Vin finally collapsed against Chris, exhausted, panting deeply.

Chris set the emesis basin aside, and picked up the cup. "Have some water…" he urged, but Vin shook his head.

"Don't – want - anything." His voice broke into three or four pitches.

"What happened to his voice?" JD asked, and Chris's head snapped up at the question. He glared at JD, though Vin didn't seem to notice at all, and Buck pulled him back out of the cubicle.

"What? What'd I say?" But JD kept his voice low enough not to be heard by Chris again. "What happened to his voice?"

"Nathan said –." Buck tried, but failed on the first couple of attempts. "Nathan told us that he wrecked his voice…screaming."

"Oh God – oh God."

"C'mon JD, c'mon…" Buck wanted to lead him out of the area and give him a little privacy if he was going to break down. "We need to get some air here…" but JD pulled away and raced out of the ER on his own. Buck stared after him, torn between following JD, or going back to check on Chris. He knew x-ray was coming soon, so he opted for Chris.

He ducked back through the curtains. Chris was just settling Vin back onto the pillow, and Nathan stood beside them.

"All right Vin, they're going to take you to x-ray." Chris told him. The bound hands immediately reached up for him. "It's okay Vin, it's okay." Chris soothed, catching Vin's hands and laying them back across his chest. "Nathan'll be with you, I just need to talk to Buck and then I'll be there too. All right? You won't be alone. Nathan'll be with you, and I'll be right there too. Okay?" But Vin shook his head.

"Please…please…" he pleaded brokenly. Chris blinked rapidly several time, then smiled a smile Buck could tell was forced.

"Okay, I'll be right behind you. Nathan and the nurse need to pull this bed out of here, okay? I'll stay where you can see me…okay?"

Finally, Vin nodded and they began to wheel him out of the cubicle. Chris hesitated at first following, and Buck stepped up to him.

"You okay Chris?"

"His foot…"

"What?" Buck wondered what he'd missed.

"The little toe on his left foot…" Chris said again, sounding bewildered. "It doesn't have a bruise on it…" then he followed Vin down the hallway.

M7*M7*M7

Buck knew, but didn't know how to tell Chris. Nathan knew, but was too busy to take a minute to tell him. So Chris sat in the chair next to Vin's bed in the ER, completely unaware until the curtain parted and Vin's father came in.

"Hi Jim." Though Vin slept deep under medication, Chris kept his voice quiet. His eyes automatically went to the curtain, waiting for them to open again and his Mom to appear. But they didn't open.

"How is he?" Jim kept his voice soft as well, but it didn't hide the worry and grief. He stood next to the bed, near Chris. He kept his hands white knuckled on the railing, and his eyes fixed on his suffering son.

"He's alive, Nathan says he's going to stay that way." Chris forced himself out of the plastic chair to stand next to his stepfather.

"Is he conscious?"

"Yeah, they sedated him, he's just asleep…where's Mom?" He waited a moment for the answer, as Jim reached out to gently touch Vin's face.

"She's at Memorial Hospital." Jim said, turning to face Chris, who smiled at first.

"She's going to hate that she went to the wrong hospital." And the smile died when Jim put his hand on his shoulder.

"She's _at_ Memorial Hospital Chris. She's been having chest pains, the past few days. She didn't want you to know, she didn't want to add –." He glanced down at Vin again. "She wouldn't even go to the doctor till today."

"_And?"_ Chris demanded, not caring how loud his voice was.

"She has a pulmonary embolism, a blood clot in her lung…she's okay." Jim added quickly when he felt Chris flinch. "She's out of danger, they admitted her for observation this morning. She was spitting mad that they wouldn't let her out to come here."

"I have to -." Chris looked down at Vin, desperately torn between going and staying. "I don't want to – if I'm not here, Vin – Mom -."

Chris wasn't young enough to be Jim Tanner's son; fifteen years barely separated them. His mother had married him when she was forty and he was thirty-three. But now, suddenly confronted with the need to be with his mother and his baby brother both at the same time though they were fifteen miles apart, Chris turned to him.

"What should I do?"

"Your Mom'll understand Chris if you want to stay here…I don't have to tell you she'd rather be here…"

"He gets upset if he wakes up alone…" Chris'd spent all day with Vin; so busy searching for him for the past two weeks, he'd hardly even talked with his mother for three days. Now she'd almost died.

"He won't be alone for a second." Jim didn't even have to tell Chris that.

"I know…OK, I'll go see Mom and I'll be back as soon as I can." The wheels and plans turned and formulated even as Chris spoke. "They have to shuffle people upstairs Nathan said. Said it'd be maybe another hour or more till they get him a spot in ICU… Mom'll want to hear every single detail –."

The curtains parted again then and Buck came in. "Jim – I was just talking to Sera on the phone…she is raising a ruckus about wanting to get out of the hospital and hotfoot it over here. Her doctor is saying it's dangerous for her to be moving around that much and getting that upset…she wants you back there _now_ and bring her clothes…"

A pained look crossed Jim's face. He bent down to be close to his son, who was still sleeping soundly. "I'll be back kid." He promised softly, and straightened up with a sigh. "Buck, you'll stay with him till we get back?" Buck nodded firmly.

"You bet."

M7*M7*M7

Buck stood as far away from the bed as he could, and still be in the ER cubicle. God, the damage those bastards had done to Vin. The bruises on his face alone were gruesome, much less what else had been inflicted on him.

"Just let him stay asleep as long as possible." Buck prayed. "At least until Chris gets back..."

But soon, too soon for Buck, the crushed, gaunt form on the bed began to stir. Buck didn't move at first, not until Vin turned his head toward him, and slowly reached his hand out, trying to see through swollen eyes.

"...somebody there...?" His voice was barely a croak.

"Yeah Tiny, right here." Buck came forward then and took the cold, damaged hand gently in his own. "How you doing?" he tried to sound soothing.

"...water...?" Vin's eyes didn't seem to be quite focusing on Buck.

"You bet, got that right here." He used his free hand to take hold of the plastic cup sitting on the overbed table. "Even got one of those bendy straws so's you don't hafta sit up..." Still using one hand, Buck guided the straw into Vin's mouth, trying as hard he could to not brush against the battered lips.

Vin tried, Buck could see he was trying, but it just seemed too painful to use the straw. He turned his head to the side. "...don't matter..." he gave up.

"I gotcha covered..." Buck released Vin's hand. First he tossed the straw out, then slipped an arm under Vin's shoulders to ease him up slightly. "Try this..."

Very slowly, very cautiously, Buck tilted the cup against Vin's mouth until he saw him swallow. He tipped it back a little, then tried again when he thought it was safe.

After a few swallows, Vin turned his head towards Buck. "...Chris...?"

"No Tiny - he's..." Buck started to answer as he set the cup back down.

"Don't tell Buck..." This took Buck by surprise.

"Don't tell him what?"

"...Chris...don't tell Buck...tear his heart out y'know...don't want t'hurt Buck..." Saying that took all the energy that Vin had left, and he sank heavily against the arm that supported and sheltered him. Buck tightened his hold, and took up Vin's cold hand again.

"Don't worry Tiny. I won't say a word. You just go on and sleep now." He couldn't help but wonder what Vin didn't want him to know. "I got you covered..."

M7*M7*M7

When Chris and Jim got back to the emergency room, they were surprised to see Ezra sitting next to Vin, playing a game of solitaire on the overbed table. Buck was nowhere to be seen.

"Ezra -." Chris looked around the curtained cubicle, as though Buck might be hiding behind some machinery.

"Chris." Ezra answered. "Mr. Tanner."

"How is he?" Jim asked, going to Sam. It didn't seem like he'd even moved since they left before.

"He's been resting very peacefully. He did seem to wake up briefly, when Buck left. Perhaps he sensed a changing of the guard." Ezra gathered his cards and stood up.

"Where did Buck go?" Chris asked. He watched Jim bend down a little to be closer to Sam, one hand hovered slightly over his cheek, as though Jim was afraid to touch him.

"I truly don't know. Just as I made an appearance, Detective Wilmington darted past me, with the emphatic instruction: 'Ezra, stay here.' And here I have stayed. How is your mother?"

"She's in a lotta pain, but she's past the danger. Blood clot shoulda killed her, and very nearly did. She'll be home in a few days." For Jim's sake, Chris wished Vin would wake up again, even for a few minutes. Chris'd had a lot of time with him today, with Vin mostly in pain and disoriented, but with more than a few long minutes of close comfort and reassurance.

The least he could do, Chris figured, was give Jim time alone with Sam. "Ezra – can I talk with you outside a minute? Jim – we'll be back…" and Jim nodded, not taking his eyes off his son.

Chris and Ezra left the cubicle and found an isolated spot in a hallway. "So, what's the story?" Chris asked. "What are we looking at?"

"Kidnapping, unlawful imprisonment, aggravated assault, attempted murder…" He rattled off what the criminals would be charged with. "Weapons charges, possession of controlled substances thanks to a not insubstantial quantity of drugs found on the premises; extortion since they saw fit to send you that little note offering to sell you directions to Vin's exact whereabouts; also – owing to a fracas during booking – we can add resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer."

"And if they talk?"

"Oh, believe me Chris, they are already warbling like canaries." But the dark look on Ezra's face signaled that that wasn't necessarily great news. "Unfortunately, there is precious little of their information that has any immediate substance to it. The entirety of their communications with the true mastermind of this atrocity was limited to emails, terse phone calls, and notes stuck in the front door." Chris let out a long sigh, and sagged against the wall behind himself. "Chris - you know that the men in your department, led by the indomitable Buck Wilmington, have already begun pursuing these leads. Hell itself will not stop him from solving this case."

"I know." But Chris's voice was hollow. "Just can't stand to think that he's out there, free and thinking he's got away with this."

"He will be apprehended Chris. And he will pay. I promise you – I can arrange that." By the seriousness of his tone, Chris knew hell wouldn't stop Ezra either.

"Helps to have friends in low places." He said. Ezra gave his customary grin and adjusted his suitcoat.

"That, Mr. Larabee, is exactly how I came to be appointed an Assistant District Attorney. After all…" he tugged on his cuffs. "One can only go so far on one's good looks."

"Ezra, you're so full of it, I don't know where to step." Chris said, but he smiled.

"Descriptive as always. Now, if you'll excuse me. I have a press conference awaiting me. Unless and until you choose otherwise, I've presumed to take upon myself the role of spokesperson for the family. I thought it would help to disperse the wolves at the door to give them some bit of information."

The press. It wasn't like Chris had forgot about them, they way they were swarming the hospital grounds. He couldn't figure what the fascination was, unless it was a slow news day. Except maybe that Vin was a cop's brother, a firefighter's son, friend of an ADA. Buck had arranged for some off-duty friends to keep the reporters away from the family, though Chris knew they were only trying to get their job done.

"Thanks. God – thanks. I hadn't even thought about that."

"I daresay your thoughts have been engaged elsewhere for quite some time. Now, why don't you go back and sit before you fall? My public awaits me."

Chris thanked Ezra again and pushed off the wall to make his way back to Vin. He did feel exhausted now; running on adrenalin and pure nerves had finally caught up with him. He'd just look in on Vin and Jim, then head to the cafeteria for some food and caffeine. He hoped Vin had woken up to see his Dad.

When he got to the curtains, Chris stopped a second to listen if they were talking, or if Nathan or a nurse was in there. When he didn't hear anything, he stepped through – and stopped again. Jim sat on the edge of the gurney, and Vin was upright, resting in his father's arms. Jim held him securely and Vin's head rested on his shoulder. His eyes were open, and he nodded every now and again to whatever Jim was whispering to him. Despite the bruising, burns, and gashes, the look on Vin's face was pure joy as his Dad held him. He met Chris's eyes and smiled. Chris smiled too, and lifted his hand in greeting. He meant to slip out again but Jim turned.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'll tell you about it later." Neither man wanted to mention Ezra or pressing charges in Vin's presence. "I'm going to the cafeteria. I'll be back before they move him upstairs."

"Okay Chris. Would you bring me some orange juice?"

"You bet…" Chris wondered if he should ask Vin if he wanted anything. "Vin – anything you want me to bring back from the cafeteria?"

It took a moment or two for Vin to get the breath to say it. "Just…you…" he said. Chris nodded and smiled again.

"I can arrange that."

to be continued


	6. Chapter 6

_"And Mrs. Clifford said that I'll like First Grade even better'n I liked Kidnergarter..." Vin was filling Chris in with a minute by minute account of his last day of 'kidnergarter'... Chris smiled at the pronunciation. "And I don't wanna hafta sit near Tiffany next year 'cause she's always gigglin' at me and wants t'sit real close t' me and..." Vin continued his monologue as Chris swung his car into the driveway of the new house. They were going to meet Jim and Sera here for dinner. _

_The two parents had been engaged almost two months now, and they'd just closed on a house that would comfortably hold all four of them. It wasn't an easy day for Jim - it was the first anniversary of losing Vin's mother. Chris wondered if Vin realized. He would mention her every now and again, sometimes he said that he could see her, and whenever he got a balloon, he'd let it go so that "Mom can have it up in Heaven." He didn't say much more than that. _

_They got out of the car - Vin still talking - and the lady next door came over to the privet hedge that separated their properties. "I saw your Dad a little while ago..." she said, smiling first at Chris, then down at Vin. "He said he was just going to pick up your Mom and they'd be right here." Chris thanked her for the information, and she went back to her house. But next to him, he heard Vin take in an audible breath of air, and he looked down onto a beaming face. _

_"She came back?" Vin asked, so happy he seemed about to float. It only took a second for Chris to realize what he meant, and as he knelt to quickly correct him - and break the little boy's heart - Chris felt like he'd been stabbed in the throat. _

_"No, she meant my Mom..." _

_The little face paused in its joy for a few seconds, Vin clearly not wanting to understand what Chris said. Then the realization set in. "Oh." His face fell, his whole body seemed to shrink in upon itself. "Oh." _

_"Vin -." Chris reached out to put his hands on Vin's shoulders, but Vin pulled away from him and stood stiffly near the front steps, his hands curled into fists at his sides, and his head bowed so far Chris didn't think it could go any farther. So Chris went to sit on the bottom step, closest to Vin. _

_"C'mere and sit with me?" he asked softly. But Vin shook his head. Chris wondered if he was even breathing. "Please?" He poked Vin's closed hand with his forefinger. _

_"I thought she came back." was all Vin said, his voice high with disappointment. He didn't lift his head. _

_"I know you did." Chris ventured to wrap his hand around Vin's, the whitened fist looking unbelieveably small in his larger hand. "Mrs. Boyd doesn't know my Mom and your Dad aren't married yet." _

_"I hate her." _

_"I know. I'm not real fond of her at the moment myself..." _

_A second car pulled into the driveway, behind Chris's car. Vin looked up to see his father getting out of the driver's side, and he flung himself toward Jim, keening the high wordless wail of a tragedy his young mind couldn't process. _

_"What? What happened?" Jim asked anxiously as he gathered Vin up into his arms. Vin didn't answer him, only buried his face into Jim's neck to sob loudly, and Jim took long strides to Chris. "What happened? Did something happen at school?" _

_"No..." Chris hated to tell him. "Mrs. Boyd," He gestured over to the neighbor's house. "She told Vin that you were going to pick up his Mom...he thought -" Chris didn't have the chance to finish the sentence as Jim went suddenly and completely pale and turned away. _

_"What? What is it?" Sera came up to them. Chris repeated the information. "Oh honey..." Sera put her hand on Vin's back, but he only stiffened and let out an infuriated squall. _

_"It's OK, Sera." Jim tried to tell her, but tears were filling his own eyes. "I just - he's - we - can we just get inside?" _

_"Of course." She said. Chris was already unlocking the front door. Jim carried Vin into the house, and kept going, through the front room, dining room and kitchen, down the backstairs and out the back door to the enclosed back porch. Sera kept pace with him, but Jim waved her off as he settled down onto the glider. Vin still sobbed on his shoulder, taking in great gulps of air to sustain his loud, inconsolable sorrow. _

_"We're OK Sera." he told her kindly. "We just need some time alone...please..." _

_She turned to go back up the stairs, passing Chris who stood in the doorway to the kitchen. "I left dinner in the car, I'll go get it." But her voice shook as well. Chris sat on the top step, listening to Vin vent his grief like Chris had never done after his father died. _

_Behind him, his Mom brought dinner into the kitchen, Kentucky Fried Chicke, he could smell it. He pushed himself up to go help her._

_"Not exactly what Jim needed today." he said. He took the package of paper plates from her and set four places at the table. She didn't say anything, but her chin trembled in that way Chris knew meant she was holding back crying herself. "Guess it's not what any of us needed today." He added to himself. _

_It didn't take long to set the table with paper plates and the plastic packages of knife, fork and napkin. Once Sera set out the containers of chicken, potatoes, rolls, and soda pop, there wasn't anything left to do but wait for Vin to calm down, and wonder if any of them would even feel like eating when he did. _

_When he finally quieted, after what seemed like hours but might've only been fifteen minutes, Sera went out to the back porch to check on them. Chris followed her out. Vin had stopped crying, and now he curled against Jim's chest. His red, wet, and swollen eyes were open, a little too wide, like someone in shock, and he had his thumb pressed into his mouth. His breath came fast and heavy. _

_Jim didn't look much better. _

_"Honey?" Sera asked Vin. "Are you okay?" She sat on the glider, but didn't attempt to touch him. Vin looked up at her, and after a few seconds he pulled his thumb out his mouth, trailing spit and tears. _

_"She's not coming back." he told her, as though she didn't know already. Jim moved his hand up Vin's back to hold him tighter. Chris took a seat a few feet away on the ottoman. _

_"I know she's not honey. Your Mom isn't coming back, just like Chris' Dad isn't coming back." This seemed to surprise Vin. He sat up a little and turned to Chris. _

_"Your Dad's not coming back?" _

_"No, he's not." Chris told him. _

_"Well -" Vin pushed himself up a little straighter in Jim's arms. "Well - what're you gonna do?" He sounded worried for Chris. _

_"I don't know - what do you think I should do?" and those red, swollen, wet eyes went from Chris, to his Dad's face, back to Chris. _

_"You could have my Dad." he offered. More tears rolled down his face. _

_"Okay. Thanks." Chris accepted this very seriously. "You know, you could have my Mom too." It showed in Vin's face that while he was perfectly willing to share his Dad, he wasn't quite so ready to replace his Mom. "You know..." Chris went on. "Then, if I have your Dad, and you have my Mom...well then I can be your brother..." He waited for an answer. "Would that be okay?" _

_Instead of answering right away, Vin looked back at his Dad. "Is that okay?" Jim nodded and couldn't say anything. He kissed the top of Vin's head. _

_"Okay." Vin shakily answered Chris. _

_"Okay." Chris said. He thought maybe Jim could use a little time alone with Sera, to be comforted in his own pain. "You think maybe you could come for a walk with me, go through the yard and see where we can put the swing set?" Vin bit his lip, but nodded. He climbed down off his father's lap with the awkwardness of fatigue and grief. Chris took Vin's spitty sweaty hand in his own and they went outside. _

to be continued


	7. Chapter 7

"Okay, they've got a spot for him up in ICU finally." Nathan came into the ER cubicle. "We're going to pack him up and take the whole bed with us." Jim and Chris stood on opposite sides of the bed. Vin slept quietly, knocked out with painkillers and exhaustion. Jim held one of his hands, enclosed in a compression glove and bandages encircling his torn wrist. "You two can follow us…"

M7*M7*M7

_The pain hovered blissfully on some other plane that wasn't quite connected to Vin. It rolled in and out like shallow waves, but never stayed in one spot for more than a few seconds. Everything thing seemed fuzzy. Everyone seemed blurry. He tried to remember what was going on, where he was and why he was laying down watching lights roll by overhead. Nathan had to be somewhere nearby; Vin could hear him saying quiet, comforting things. _

_Hospital maybe? Seemed like something bad had happened, though he couldn't remember just now what that might've been. Car accident maybe, he remembered something with his car. _

_Then the lights got too bright and his eyelids got too heavy and he slipped off to sleep again. _

M7*M7*M7

"Why don't you wait here, in the lounge, until we get him all set?" Nathan asked. He tried hard to not make it sound like an order for Jim and Chris to wait outside ICU, but he didn't want either one of them within sight or earshot of Vin until he was completely set for the night. He could tell Jim was disappointed and maybe thinking of pushing the issue, but Chris was dead sure about to question it. So Nathan warned him, "Chris – you want to stay the whole night with Sam? You play nice."

He waited just a few seconds to see that his words had the desired effect and went into ICU to take care of Vin.

M7*M7*M7

Vin became vaguely aware of his surroundings, and vaguely remembered what was going on. He wasn't in the ER anymore, there were solid walls around him, not just curtains. Nathan was still there though; Vin could hear the rippling murmur of his voice. Vin pulled himself a little closer to being awake, in case Nathan was talking to him. But then he heard a woman's voice.

"Dr. Larabee? Mrs. Tanner is on the phone again. She said to remind you that Vin is allergic to Darvocet."

"OK, Elizabeth. Thanks." Vin couldn't be sure, but Nathan sounded a little snippy when he answered. Then he said a few more things that must've been directed to someone else in the room, something about getting Vin set up on the monitors or something.

M7*M7*M7

Chris sat very still in the ICU waiting area. Jim paced the floor in front of him. "I hope Vin stays unaware enough, just long enough, that we don't have to tell him where Sera is. I hate to think how he might take it."

"Well, he hasn't asked so far. Hopefully he'll stay so strung out on painkillers and exhaustion that he'll sleep until tomorrow morning."

"I just can't help thinking about the day he finally understood that his Mom was dead…" Jim said.

"I remember…" Chris shook his head. "He still won't eat KFC…"

M7*M7*M7

Vin couldn't help a low groan of discomfort as he felt himself lifted from one soft, warm surface to another softer, warmer surface. He opened his eyes, he thought he was opening his eyes, to look for Chris, or his Dad, or his Mom… Something about his Mom, he couldn't remember. Somebody was talking about his Mom?

"Dr. Jackson? Mrs. Tanner's on the phone again. Said to tell you that if Vin spikes a temperature, he's prone to hallucinations."

"OK, Elizabeth. Thanks." Nathan's response was going from snippy to sarcastic. More conversation with the other somebody in the room. Vin could feel things being applied to his chest, somebody was moving one of his hands…

M7*M7*M7

"So – what do we tell Vin?" Chris asked, watching Jim continue to pace. "He'll think it's his fault Mom got sick."

"I know. I don't think we can tell him she almost died, but I think we have to tell him she's in the hospital." Jim gave up his pacing to sit on the worn sofa next to Chris. He put his head in his hands. "Being a parent is the hardest job in the world."

"Yes it is." Chris softly agreed.

M7*M7*M7

"Dr. Jackson –."

"Elizabeth, so help me if the next words outta your mouth are 'Mrs. Tanner…'"

Vin wondered what his Mom was doing that would make Nathan so upset. His mouth was too dry to try and form any words. Elizabeth answered Nathan cheerfully.

"No, actually that's not what I was going to say…" she paused long enough for Nathan to give a sigh of relief. "Sera and I are on a first name basis now…" but before she could say what Mom wanted this time, Nathan grumbled something under HIS breath and left the room.

M7*M7*M7

Chris and Jim were both surprised when Nathan stormed into the waiting room.

"Will one of you please get Sera on the phone and distract her long enough so that I can get Vin set up in his room without her calling every forty-two seconds to tell me one more thing about his medical history that I already know?" and he stormed out again without waiting for an answer.

M7*M7*M7

Vin wondered why Nathan left, why he could hear him now out in the hallway, arguing with Mom. Only he couldn't hear Mom saying anything back. Nathan better watch out for that…Mom was never so lethal as when she kept her voice low.

Even though Nathan had left, someone still worked on him, Vin could hear voices, other women's voices. One he didn't remember hearing before: "I didn't think he'd ever leave." And the voice Nathan had identified as Elizabeth said:

"I know. There's nothing quite like God on earth as a doctor who thinks he knows everything. I gave him to Sera. She can keep him busy while we finish in here."

_Mom_…Mom must be nearby. Vin struggled again to get his eyes open, and when he did, a nurse came into focus. She smiled down at him.

"Well, look at those sweet blue eyes. How're you doing honey?" By her voice, it wasn't Elizabeth.

"Mom? Where's…Mom?"

"Well, from the sound of the conversation at the nurse's station, I'd say she's hastening the untimely death of Dr. Jackson."

"She's – she's –." But whatever thought he'd been pursuing eluded Vin, and he went for the most obvious. "She's my Mom." And the nurse smiled at him again, and laid a warm and very gentle hand along the side of his face.

"I know she is, and Moms know everything, don't they? Especially about their kids. More than doctors know." Her voice was as gentle as her touch. Vin remembered that his hands didn't work, though he didn't remember why, so he turned his face into the softness of her hand, wanting to hold the warmth and gentleness to himself as long as he could.

"You just relax honey, and let us get you settled in here. My name is Joan. Nathan said he was letting your brother stay with you, your brother Chris? So, just as soon as we get you squared away, your brother can come in here with you, all right?"

For a moment, nothing else existed for Vin but this nurse, the sound of her voice and the soft warm touch of her hand against his painful cheek. Then he looked up into her concerned eyes again.

"I want my Mom…" he told her.

to be continued


	8. Chapter 8

When they finally got the OK to see Vin, Chris let Jim take the lead and followed him through the automatic doors and down the hallway to the cubicle the nurse indicated. Jim went to the head of the bed; Chris stayed closer to the foot. Somehow, it just didn't seem as much of a relief as Chris had been expecting to finally be standing here. Vin was supposed to be awake, alert and oriented, happy to see them, and making a fuss about the IV's and catheter. Instead, he lay motionless under the thermal blankets, with even the rise and fall of his breathing barely noticeable. The damage done to his face was even more vivid and appalling against the white sheets and pillows.

He was alive, Chris kept reminding himself that Vin was alive and what else was there? He just wished there was a little more _life _in his being alive.

Jim laid his hand on Vin's chest, just above the edge of the blanket. Chris remembered what it felt like to see his son laying in a hospital bed, that winter Adam was three and had the croup, and they admitted him to Children's Hospital in an oxygen tent. He knew that overwhelmingly helpless feeling, standing by, wanting to do something, anything, and all there was to do was wait.

These past two weeks Chris at least had the search and investigation to keep him busy, but Jim and Sera - and Vin - had had nothing _but_ the wait. He was about to offer to go back to the visitor's lounge and let Jim have more time with Vin, but Vin stirred and blinked open his eyes, and looked up at his father.

"Mom?"

"Hey kid¼"

"Where's Mom?" Vin's voice was little more than a thick rasp.

"She's not here right now kid. You're stuck with me." Jim spoke tenderly and smiled, but it all turned to confusion when Vin asked,

"When she gets home¼tell her¼I want¼see her?"

"When she gets home?" Jim and Chris exchanged a look.

"I don't want¼go to school¼tomorrow." Vin's eyes closed as he said this. "Don't feel good."

"You don't have to go to school tomorrow kid." Jim promised him.

"¼kay¼" He seemed to drift off then, and for a few minutes it was just the two men watching him sleep. After those few minutes though, Vin struggled awake again.

"Dad? I didn't¼hurt anybody¼did I?" he asked. His brittle voice was distorted even more by anxiety. Another look went from Jim to Chris, who moved to stand at the head of the bed on the opposite side.

"Why would you have hurt someone?" Jim asked.

"Wasn't it¼car accident?" He pulled his hands up from under the blanket. "Got¼hurt¼?"

"No, Vin. You weren't in a car accident. You didn't hurt anybody."

"¼kay¼" and he seemed to fall asleep again. Jim pulled the blanket up again to cover Vin's hands and then gripped his own hands around the bedrail.

Chris looked from his baby brother to his stepfather. If it weren't for the bruises on Vin's face, Chris would have a hard time saying who looked worse. Jim had not only had the same two weeks of hell and waiting about Vin – he'd had three days of hell and worry about Sera. Chris walked around the bed and pulled the chair up.

"You'd better sit before you fall Jim. He'll look just as bad from the chair."

"It's like there isn't anywhere safe to touch him."

"I know¼but you could never hurt him. I know he'd rather feel you touching him than not."

"Yeah." Jim kept a hand on the bedrail for his own balance as he set himself into the hard plastic chair. When he let go, Chris lowered the rail so that Jim could rest his hand on Vin's shoulder. Asleep, or nearly so, Vin turned to the touch.

"Chris – what'll happen to the¼animals responsible for this?"

"Ohh¼" Chris dragged both hands through his hair and turned to pull the other plastic chair over for himself. "Legally or otherwise?"

" 'Otherwise'?" Jim asked. Chris shrugged.

"They messed with a cop's brother. That's not going to endear them to anybody on the force."

"More to the point – they messed with _your_ brother." Jim said. "That's going to endear them to even less people." Chris shrugged again.

"Helps to have friends in low places¼"

Vin stirred on the bed again, and both men stood up.

"Mom?"

"It's OK kid. We're here, Chris and I are here." Jim kept one hand on Vin's shoulder and with the other gently touched his cheek.

"Where's Mom?" Vin barely managed to get both eyes opened. "I want Mom."

Chris tried to think of something to tell Vin that wouldn't make him more anxious – but anything short of saying she was stuck somewhere out of town wouldn't satisfy why Mom wasn't here.

"Your Mom is at another hospital." Jim finally told him. He didn't sound happy to be saying it. "She was having chest pains and they want to keep her for observation."

"Oh¼" Vin seemed to be thinking about it. His eyes went a little bit wider. "They didn't – they didn't –."

"No kid," Jim assured him. "They didn't hurt her. The ones who hurt you were never anywhere near your Mom." He spoke slowly and distinctly. "She's been having chest pains. They're keeping her for observation. Just for a few days."

"I want Mom." Vin sounded just like he used to when he was a little kid and wanted her when he didn't feel good.

"I know you do kid, but she can't be here right now."

Vin gave a sigh that sounded annoyed and closed his eyes. But he asked

"She okay?"

"She's okay kid. After a little while I'm going over to see her. Chris is staying here with you, and I'm going to your Mom."

Both men waited to see how he'd react to Jim lea ing.

"She okay?" Vin asked again. He opened his eyes and looked at each of them in turn. "Hospital? She's okay?" He was almost insisting.

"She's okay." Jim told him. "She's real worried about you, but she's going to be fine." He lightly stroked Vin's hair. "Soon as the nurses kick me outta here, I'm going to your Mom and tell her how you're doing¼how's that sound?"

"O-kay¼Dad?"

"Yeah?"

Battered and broken, hardly able to keep his eyes open, on two IV's and half a dozen different medications, Vin lifted one damaged hand out from under the blanket to press against his father's arm.

"Don't ¼worry her. Okay? Tell Mom¼I'm all right¼"

M7*M7*M7

"Tell Mom I'll call her later if I have a chance." Chris told Jim as he walked him to the elevator. "I'm afraid to use my cell phone up here. I don't wanna be shutting down somebody's pacemaker or anything."

"I'll tell her, but if she keeps calling the nurses here every forty two seconds checking up on Vin, I think they'll have her phone privileges revoked."

"She is determined."

"Hmm¼wonder who she passed that onto?" Jim asked, as he punched the elevator call button, but he smiled at his stepson. Chris returned the smile, but was too tired to rib him back. "You don't have to wait with me Chris, I know you're itching to go back to Vin. If he wakes up, tell him I'll be back first thing tomorrow. And you get some rest tonight yourself."

"I'll try. I have to behave myself, Nathan is only just barely letting me stay as it is¼" The elevator opened then, and they said goodbye. Jim was off to visit Sera, Chris headed back to Vin.

When he got to Vin's room, Chris was surprised to see Josiah sitting in one of the chairs -he hadn't seen him walk by. Vin was asleep and Josiah sat quietly, one hand holding the book he was reading, the other hand holding the brown felt fedora he always seemed to carry, but never seemed to wear.

"Josiah – where'd you come from?" Chris asked as he stepped into the room.

"Originally, or just now?"

"Ohhh - why don't we keep as close to this moment as we possibly can?" Chris dropped heavily into the other chair.

"I came up the back elevator." Josiah could see that Chris was exhausted, and decided to not test his patience, or his brain functions. "Jim's gone back to Sera?"

"Yeah¼I know it's tearing him in two. He wants to be both places at once¼we both do. Don't know how he stays so calm¼" He scrubbed his hand over his face. "How're things in the rest of the world Josiah? I feel like I've all of a sudden come to after being in a time warp or something."

"Same as always – war, peace, bloodshed, revenge, forgiveness, life, death¼" Josiah looked over at Vin. "Same as is going on in here I guess."

"Except the part about forgiveness." Chris said abruptly. "Don't even think about telling me I need to forgive the slime who did this to Vin." Josiah shook his head.

"I wasn't going to say anything of the kind to you."

"They can choke and die and rot in hell for all the forgiveness they're going to get out of me."

"I know Chris. We all feel that way."

"I'm sorry Josiah¼don't mean to snap¼"

Chris knew he wasn't being preached at. Josiah was a deep thinker, and a very spiritual and religious man. But he wasn't one to preach or push his point of view. He'd give his opinion, ask questions, offer options, point out differences and similarities. Mostly, and most important though, he'd sit and listen.

"I let him down." Chris hadn't meant that to come out in a whisper.

"How do you figure?"

"Look at him Josiah! Do you know what they did to him?" Chris said - keeping his voice a whisper - even though Josiah'd been there when Chris told him Mom everything.

"That's what they did Chris. What did you do?" and when Chris didn't answer, he revised the question. "What didn't you do?"

"I should've – protected him better. Should've found him sooner." Chris' eyes were fixed on the still form on the hospital bed. "I told you, didn't I? The first time I ever met Vin?"

He looked up then, to see Josiah nod.

"I don't blame Jim at all, but Vin's Mom wasn't even dead a year when he and Mom got engaged. She – Vin's Mom – I guess was diagnosed with leukemia just a few months after he was born. So Jim had a hard time, five years of a hard time¼"

He sighed.

"My Dad was dead nearly four years then. I mean – I was mad at Mom for falling in love again but I was old enough to figure things out. Vin – all Vin could figure out was that he could be replaced¼"

Chris stopped talking and went to the bed when Vin mumbled something in his sleep. When he was sure his brother still slept soundly, he went back to the chair.

"Almost from the minute I first saw him, trying so hard to hang onto some tangible connection with his mother, it mattered to me that Vin be safe and happy. In those few first minutes, all those years ago, he became my little brother just like that, and God help anybody who laid a finger on him. Now look at him¼"

"Chris – you shouldn't be worried about what's passed and can't be changed. You should be looking ahead to what he'll be going through a year from now and what you can do to help him through that."

And Chris gave Josiah a look like he'd only just now realized the man was crazy.

"How the hell am I supposed to know what he'll be going through -." Chris started to lay into Josiah, then the look of understanding crossed his face, as he realized this was exactly where Josiah had been intending to lead him.

"Okay, so I can't see the future. I couldn't have known this was going to happen to Vin. I know¼" Chris slid forward a little in the chair to stretch his legs out. He crossed his arms over his chest.

"So – I guess that's one more person you don't have to forgive?" Josiah asked, and Chris frowned.

"I don't like you." He said, and Josiah laughed.

To be continued


	9. Chapter 9

_Saturday night, maybe Sunday morning. The first night Mom and Jim were on their honeymoon. Chris was left in charge of Vin, the first time he'd been given such a prolonged, important responsibility. Jim's absence bothered Vin, although he seemed happy enough to be spending time with Chris. They'd stayed up late, watching movies and eating leftover cake, but the evening was punctuated with fearful _

"_When's our Mom and Dad coming home?" _

_Finally, Vin fell asleep on his end of the sofa, and Chris carried the six year old to his new bed, in his new room, in their new house. He left the hall light on, he left the night light on, he left both doors open, made sure every door in the house and every window on the first floor was locked, and checked Vin three times before he laid himself down in his own bed, in his new room, in the new house. _

_Now, in the middle of the night, Chris woke with a sense that something wasn't right. He opened his eyes but stayed still, listening for whatever sound must've woke him up. _

_It didn't take long for him to pick it out – at the side of his bed he heard soft breathing and he looked over to see a small, shivering bundle wrapped tight in a worn beloved "Indian blanket", sleeping on the cold tile floor. _

_Chris reached down and easily scooped the small body into bed. Vin mumbled something that was no doubt "Dad?" and blinked his eyes open in the darkness. Chris repositioned himself in the bed, made sure Vin was safe and tucked in under the extra blanket he pulled over him. _

"_You know you gotta wake me up Vin. You shouldn't be sleeping on the cold floor. You can sleep with me if you're scared." Vin kept his body stiff and unmoving, as if afraid to touch or be touched by Chris. He didn't answer._

"_Okay?" Chris prompted, and received a hesitant answer. _

"_Okay." _

_A few nights later. The same instinctive uneasiness woke Chris up, this time to see Vin standing at the side of the bed, shifting from one foot to the other. He carried his blanket and his pillow in his arms. _

"_You wanna sleep with me?" Chris asked, sleepily. It took a few moments, but finally the little head nodded. When Chris lifted the blankets, Vin awkwardly climbed in, and kept his distance. Chris helped him get his blanket and pillow situated, and they each fell asleep on opposite sides of the bed. _

_A few night's later. A light, but insistent tapping on his arm – and a much too cheerful voice - woke Chris up. _

"_Chris? Chris? Can I sleep in with you?? Chris?" _

_Barely opening his eyes, and too tired to move over, Chris lifted his blanket and felt Vin climb in. He didn't have a blanket or pillow with him this time, and he very easily accepted the narrow space Chris gave him, having no trouble falling asleep with his head on Chris' arm. _

_A few mornings later. The last morning of Jim and Sera's honeymoon. Daylight filled the bedroom, and Chris awoke with a hot dampness pressed against his back. He only had to shift slightly to realize that Vin was all but draped over him, one arm over Chris' back and his head resting on Chris' shoulder. The room was hot, and Chris could feel the sweat where Vin slept against him. _

"_You got enough room there Vin?" Chris asked quietly. He was pushed nearly to the edge of the mattress. "Wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable or anything__¼__"_

_A whiny voice answered him. _

"_Chriiiiiiis__¼__stop talking. I can't sleep." _

"_Okay. I'm sorry." Chris couldn't help laughing as he patted the little hand resting on his arm. "You go back to sleep__¼__" and the little hand moved to take hold of Chris' fingers, and the little body seemed to grow heavier as he slipped back into sleep. _

"_¼__'kay__¼__" _

M7*M7*M7

Somewhere, at the edge of his awareness, as he dozed lightly in the uncomfortable chair, Chris heard an almost continual stream of ringing phones, and a continual round of differing voices saying: 

"_We're not allowed to release that information__¼__"_

"_¼__and are you family? Well then we're not allowed to__¼__"_

"_Any information that the family has authorized to be released__¼__" _

The last straw for Chris though, was when he heard one enterprising nurse state firmly: 

"_Well, considering I have caller ID on my phone Mr. Stephens - 878-5601, I'd recommend you be very careful what you say to me__¼__" _

Chris pulled himself from sleep, pushed himself up from the chair, and went out to the nurses' desk. 

"Are all those calls about my brother?" 

It took him a minute or so to get his eyes to focus out of sleep; even then, he couldn't read her nametag. 

"Most of them are. Reporters mostly. A few idle curiosity-seekers. I believe we are 'wired for sound' though." 

Chris had no idea what she meant, and it must've showed on his face. 

"The police are bugging our lines, in case any really interesting calls come through¼" 

"Oh yeah." Chris sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. The ICU phones were tapped in case the head bad guy behind this little nightmare decided to make a call. It wasn't unheard of. The phone rang again. The nurse eyed the caller ID and gave an exasperated sigh. That made Chris angry. 

"Well, if _anybody _calls who you haven't personally set eyes on this evening, you can tell 'em for me that if they're so damned interested in knowing how Vin is doing, I'll personally see to it they get dragged over the same shiny spikes of hell, so they can lay in a hospital bed not knowing who they are or where they are, half dead and in a million pieces. And if that's not freaking good enough for them I can use their guts for the gallows I hope they hang themselves on." 

He was furious, and the nurse smiled at him as she picked up the phone. 

"My sentiments exactly Detective Larabee." 

That calmed him down somewhat, and he went back into Vin's cubicle as one more reporter was dealt with. Josiah had gone home a little while before, and the room was dim. Chris had no sooner set himself back into the hard chair, than he heard Vin give a short whimper. He waited a second to see if it repeated, and when it did, Chris went to stand next to the bed. 

The nurses came in at regular intervals to reposition Vin, trying to keep prolonged pressure off of any particular part of his body. The hospital bed was still angled up, and at the moment, Vin was on his left side, curled close to the bed rail. He whimpered again, and Chris began to make out what he was saying. 

"¼Mommy¼?" he called very softly, and it broke Chris' heart to hear it. Vin had never called Sera '_mommy_', so he was gone even farther back than he had been before. Chris lowered the rail and sat on the edge of the mattress. 

"Vin?"

He laid a gentle hand on Vin's shoulder, wondering – if he had escaped back to early childhood – if Vin would even recognize him. His fingers trailed down and he could feel the steady pulse at Vin's neck. 

"Are you awake?" 

"¼_Mommy_¼?" his thin voice a little more desperate this time, Vin's eyes opened to the relative darkness, and then turned up to the touch and the voice next to him. 

"I'm here Vin. I'm here to take care of you." Chris watched for any sign of recognition. "Did you have a bad dream?" 

He tried to gauge what age or frame of mind he might be dealing with exactly, and prayed that Vin would surface just as quickly from it as he had before. 

"_I don't feel good._" Vin sounded close to crying – and still very young. 

"How don't you feel good Vin?" 

Though Chris doubted he'd be able to narrow it down, even if he'd been alert and oriented. He remembered similar conversations with Adam, and he moved his hand slightly to softly stroke the back of his fingers across Vin's forehead. Vin had a deep bruise on his right cheekbone that encompassed his whole eye and poked blunt fingers into his hairline. 

He only repeated, "I don't feel good¼" 

"Do you think you're gonna throw up?" Chris asked, but Vin shook his head. 

"I just don't feel good¼" He turned back into his pillow, and pulled his hands up to his chest. Chris kept stroking his face. 

"Just feel sad, hunh?" and Vin nodded. Chris couldn't help a sigh. "So do I¼" 

Vin turned back to him, and the little boy that Chris remembered very well asked, 

"How come you're sad?" 

"Because you don't feel good, and I don't know how to help you." Chris answered honestly. Vin shook his head. 

"You shouldn't feel sad Chris." He still sounded young and far away, but at least he was recognizing his brother. 

"No, sometimes it's okay to feel sad. Especially when sad things happen."

Vin thought about that a minute, and nodded.

"Can I sleep in with you tonight Chris? I don't feel good." 

"You bet you can sleep in with me." Chris agreed readily. "But how 'bout I stay here with you, so you don't have to move anywhere? I think you must be pretty tired." 

"Yeah¼" 

Vin dropped his head down and blinked a few times but didn't close his eyes. Chris waited a few minutes, moving his hand again to lightly press his fingers into Vin's hair and massage small circles. He had a vague memory of that soothing Vin to sleep when he really was a child. Now though, Vin seemed to be fighting sleep. 

"Close your eyes Vin, try to get some rest. No – you don't have to sleep if you don't want to¼" Chris added when Vin shook his head. "Just close your eyes and get some rest. I'll stay right here with you. Okay?" 

"Promise?" 

"Cross my heart." Chris smiled down at Vin. The pain and fear and exhaustion he saw in Vin's face filled him with so many emotions of his own. But his own pain and fear and exhaustion were completely overridden by the twin strings of gratitude and tenderness that wrapped firmly around his heart. Vin was alive, and even lost in disorientation, he was still Chris' baby brother. 

Chris leaned forward and gently placed a kiss on the only intact inch of skin on Vin's forehead. As he sat back, he was rewarded with an unsteady but very definite smile. 

"You close your eyes." He repeated, his voice warm with affection. "Get some rest. I'm not going anywhere. Okay?" 

Vin closed his eyes, even before he nodded, and he held the smile until he finally but quickly drifted off to sleep. It was then that Chris became aware that someone stood in the doorway. He turned to see the nurse he'd been talking with before. 

She folded her arms over her chest and walked over to the bed. 

"Well, I came in here looking for the man who was going to use 'guts for gallows'¼but I guess this must be the wrong room?" She grinned at Chris, who found himself speechless, though not from embarrassment. "He's very lucky to have you for a brother." She said. 

"Naah¼" Chris shook his head. "I'm the lucky one." 

To be continued


	10. Chapter 10

Night fell outside the hospital windows, but Chris never noticed it as he kept his eyes focused on the man in the bed before him. The animals who'd done this to Vin were behind bars already, and as much as Chris wanted to go and dismantle them piece-by-piece, Buck'd left instructions not to let Larabee even in the front door of the police station. The person who'd hired the goons to destroy Vin hadn't been found yet, and Buck was working on that with two other detectives, though they had precious little to go on.

That left Chris with the most important job of all - being there for Vin.

Nathan was nearby, down the hall from Intensive Care, in the doctor's lounge. Chris wondered if he was staying after his shift to take of Vin - or to protect the staff from Larabee. He'd told Chris that if he caused so much as a speck of trouble staying with Vin in ICU, he'd remove him bodily. And Nathan was just big enough and strong enough to do that.

The hospital bed had been angled up, about halfway. Vin lay very still under the blankets pulled almost up to his chin. He had two IV's going through one electronic monitor on his left arm, and the monitor overhead kept a constant check on his heartbeat, breathing, and blood pressure. He only moved if Chris did, seeming to sense that his brother had moved from one side of the bed to the other, and after a few moments, he'd turn his head to face that way.

For now, with Nathan's threat hanging over him, Chris sat quietly, moving when the nurse asked, giving a hand when he was asked. The only thing he wouldn't do was leave the room entirely, or let the nurse pull the curtain between him and the bed. He wanted to see everything - every bruise, burn, welt, and laceration on Vin. He wanted to know everything - because when they found who was ultimately responsible for this, he was going to take it out of their hide.

Things had been quiet for awhile now, though. Chris stood and popped his spine to great relief and walked up to the edge of Vin's hospital bed. No doubt about it. Hospital furniture was the pits. By two am, his spine was definitely questioning the good sense of insisting on staying with Vin. It twinged if he moved this way, it spasmed if he moved that way. Just turning his head sent a stabbing pain across his shoulder blades. Hospital furniture was the pits.

No doubt about it.

The room was dark, illuminated only by the lights out at the nurse's station. Even the shadows didn't hide the brutality Vin'd endured. Compression gloves gently pressed the swelling out of his hands; painkillers, antibiotics, and electrolytes poured into his system through the overhead IV's; sheepskin covered the air mattress that relieved the pressure on his raw skin; bandages swathed him almost head to toe; and the catheter still drained too-small amounts of urine, dark and severely concentrated.

A few nights in a hospital chair didn't seem like too much to bear.

M7*M7*M7

_My name is Vin Tanner. My name is Vin Tanner. Vincent Larabee Tanner. My parents are Jim and Sera Tanner. James and - what are they yelling at now? They're not coming in here are they? They're not coming back in here? Please God - don't let them. That was the door. The front door. They left didn't they. They'll be gone all night again, won't they? Damn stupid if they hadn't tied me to the bed if I could just get loose or untied or just one hand free it doesn't matter if I could just get one hand free before they come back I could try to run out again - no, somebody's still here. Damn stupid don't let it be that one - I don't want him to come back in here I don't want him to come back in here please God Mom somebody listening to me please please I don't want him to come back in here. He's got that stupid music on again, so maybe he's drinking again, maybe he'll get drunk again before he comes back in here again or maybe he'll pass out if he does come in here again and pass out before he - God please Mom don't let him do that anymore. Mom please Pop let Chris know where I am please God I don't want to be here anymore why are they doing this and I don't know what they're talking about and how stupid can they be if don't know who I am and they - is he coming back here? Where's he going? I can't hear him the damn stupid music is too loud damn damn Mom please God where's Chris? Pop please don't let him be coming back here...I can't - I don't hear him out there is that the doorknob? I can't get my hand free if I could just get one hand free damn that hurts so much why'd they tie it so tight I can t move my hands or my feet and it hurts so much I want it to stop hurting. Please just make it stop hurting. I can't move I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe please God Pop somebody Mom help me. Please Sarah please tell Chris where I am. Adam - no Adam I don't want you to see me like this, you're too little. You shouldn't see me like this. Please God Mom Sarah Adam Pop please it's so cold in here. Please I can't make them stop hurting me. I can't breathe it's so cold just let me get one hand untied please God that's all why can't I just get one hand untied please please please Mom Mom Mom where are you Mom? Please Mom where are you? I'm cold Mom, please Mom I'm cold. Don't let him come in here, don't let him hurt me anymore. Oh God please I can't take anymore please just let him kill me I can't take anymore please just kill me... My name is Vin Tanner. My brother's name is Chris Larabee. He's a police detective. His father was Christopher Larabee too. He was a police detective too. He drowned in the Niagara River trying to save a criminal who was trying to escape. Please God Pop tell me you wouldn't try to save these bastards Pop please. Make him turn off that stupid music no don't I can't stand the quiet he always comes in when it's quiet it's too loud and I can't think. My name is Vin Tanner. I live in Lockport. My name is Vin Tanner. My brother's name is Chris. My Dad is Jim and my mother is Sera. Chris' Dad was Chris and my Mom's name was - no please go the other way don't come here please God Mom Pop please Sarah make him go the other way no please - please God no please - let me get free I can't get my hand free - he's opening the door he's coming in - no God - please...no more..._

M7*M7*M7

Nathan woke up a little before 3am. The couch in the doctors' lounge wasn't the best place to sleep, but he could tolerate it. He'd gotten used to worse during his residency. He got up to use the men's room, then walked down to see how Vin – and Chris – were doing. If Vin was still soundly asleep, as Nathan expected him to be, he'd send Chris home in no uncertain terms. Vin didn't need a babysitter, and the nursing staff didn't need a sleep-deprived Chris Larabee disrupting their morning routines.

He checked with the nurse first to see if there'd been any change good or bad – in either occupant of the room. Nothing remarkable, Chris wasn't causing any trouble and Vin was resting quietly. Nathan decided it was as good a time as any to send Larabee home.

Quiet hung over the ICU as Nathan made his way to Vin's room. He was within a few feet of it, when he heard voices. Chris' voice he could dully hear, giving calm reassuring answers to whatever it was Vin was croaking out. Silently stepping closer, Nathan watched from the door.

Vin was sitting up in bed, leaning forward over a pillow. With one hand, Chris gently rubbed Vin's back, the other hand held a wad of Kleenex under his mouth. Vin seemed to be gathering himself, and every few seconds he'd give out one short, barking cough, followed by a soft, extended whimper, and a few choked words.

"I know it hurts, I know it does." Chris whispered. "You're doing good, take your time." He patted Vin's back. "You're doing real good. That was a pretty bad dream that woke you up, hunh?" and Vin mumbled something that Nathan couldn't make out. "I know, things always seem worse in the dark don't they? Here, let me get fresh Kleenex¼there, take your time. Whenever you're ready¼"

And another few cycles of waiting, coughing, crying, and reassurances started up.

It seemed to be over when Chris set an emesis basin in place, gave Vin a drink of water with the direction "rinse and spit", then let him have a few long swallows of water after moVing the basin back to the overbed table.

"Let me help you lay back now¼" he started, but Vin interrupted with a rough sound that turned up at the end like a question. "You bet." Chris answered immediately, drawing both arms around Vin, and letting his injured, anxious brother lean into him. "It's easier to sleep sitting up sometimes¼keep your hands elevated¼" he lifted Vin's hands into place, resting against his arm. "I remember, I fell down my front stairs one winter, cracked three ribs. I couldn't sleep flat for a month¼"

There followed another few quiet, croaking questions.

"No, I'm just fine." Chris said, tightening the gentle hold he had on Vin. "Anything you need, you just let me know." He turned his head quickly, and seemed to be wiping a tear off on his shoulder. When he spoke again, his own voice was rough. "You don't have to thank me Vin, of course I'm going to stay with you. God Himself couldn't move me¼" and within a few moments, Vin visibly relaxed against Chris' support.

Still unnoticed, Nathan walked away from the room, and went back to the doctors' lounge.

M7*M7*M7

Chris hated hearing Vin cough. He'd had broken ribs in his life, and knew how bad breathing could hurt. Add to that every other bruised, bent, and generally broken part of Vin's anatomy, and coughing had to be agony.

First, he'd woken up wide-eyed and short of breath, chased out of sleep by a bad dream. That led to a coughing fit that Vin tried so hard to suppress, but Chris got him sitting up, with a pillow to support his ribs. Most of the swelling was gone from his hands, but Vin's fingers were still too numb to hold the Kleenex, so Chris held it for him. Being a parent, you got over being squeamish real fast. But he hated how much he could guess the coughing hurt Vin. He'd cough, then whimper, like a child in pain, who knew more pain was coming.

There was nothing Chris could do but tell him to hold on, keep trying, he was doing fine. He knew if Vin couldn't cough productively, they'd have to suction him and Nathan had described that as a rather unpleasant experience.

He'd kept on hand on Vin's back, not wanting to break physical contact with him. Generally, in what used to be normal life, since Vin had become an adult, neither man initiated or accepted much physical contact. They didn't shy away from it - handshake, pat on the back, help getting back up if they had a football game going amongst the seven of them.

Pain though, physical or - especially - emotional, generally resulted in extreme non-contact.

But this sure wasn't "normal" life, was it?

He could tell Vin was wearing out, the coughs and whimpers were growing weaker, and he was trembling under Chris' hand. Finally, there were no more coughs, and he waited a minute until Vin's breathing evened out. Then he helped him rinse his mouth and drink some water. He thought Vin would want to lie back into the pillows, but he heard a soft, raspy "stay here?" and he pulled Vin tighter, almost without thinking.

So now, in the darkened room in ICU, Vin slept heavily in Chris' arms, his head resting right at the joint of Chris' arm and shoulder. The nurses had managed to wash and comb Vin's hair without needing to cut out too many obstinate tangles, and they'd washed the rest of him too, which must've felt wonderful to him. He smelled of antiseptic now - also a definite improvement.

What Chris treasured most though, was the feel of Vin's heartbeat against his arm, and the rise and fall of his deep, steady breathing. And just the weight and warmth of him in his arms.

Two weeks of hell for Chris finally ended when Vin stretched a little bit, and took a deep breath. He lifted his head just enough to peer around the room, and then, with an obviously contented sigh, settled his head back on Chris' shoulder and went back to sleep.

M7*M7*M7

_Damn it hurt. Every time he coughed, it felt like somebody was whacking him on the back of the head, and shoving a knife into his ribs. As much as he wanted to take a really deep breath and cough it all out at once, Vin couldn't stand the pain that each small cough caused him. Even more, he couldn't stand his own soft cries of pain that seemed part and parcel of each cough. If Chris wasn't standing right there, supporting him physically and otherwise, he wouldn't have the strength to cough at all. _

_He kept track of Chris by keeping track of Chris' hands. One on his back, sliding back and forth but never completely losing contact. The other one held the Kleenex that he was coughing into, not a job that Vin would ever volunteer for. He kept his arms tight around the pillow that Chris had given him to support his ribs. The room seemed dark, but he wasn't seeing too well anyway lately. If it was morning or evening or whatever time it was, didn't matter to Vin as long as Chris was there. _

_Finally it felt like he'd coughed all that he needed to. After a few moments of waiting, Chris asked if that was it and Vin nodded, not lifting his head. The hand on his back didn't move, but the one in front exchanged the Kleenex for a plastic bowl, then held a cup of water to his mouth, and Chris said something about spitting. Why would Chris want him to spit? It took a slow moment to figure it out, and a couple more to actually accomplish the deed. _

_All Vin wanted was to shut his eyes again and sleep. It didn't keep the dreams away, but it gave him a break from the overwhelming physical pain. The dreams scared him, but even in the dreams, he knew Chris was right there in real life, and Chris would protect him. _

_He felt the cup nudging at his lips again and now Chris was telling him to drink, which he did gratefully. It was cold water and enough of it to satisfy him for the moment. Then Chris was saying something about laying back down and Vin didn't want to lay down. The dreams scared him and the dreams were when he was laying down. He asked Chris "stay here?" though it didn't sound like that, even to his own ears. _

_Even as he said it though, he felt Chris' arms tighten around him, and Vin settled into the support even more gratefully than he'd taken the water. But then he wondered, maybe it was midnight, maybe Chris'd been awake all day and night and was just as tired as he was. "You...tired?" he asked Chris, and Chris whispered reassurances to him. Then the most important question "Won't leave?" _

_Whatever Chris answered verbally, Vin felt the answer he was looking for in the warm strength that surrounded him, the arms that supported him, and the heart beating under his ear. _

_Vin went fast to sleep._


	11. Chapter 11

Buck swung by the hospital early, on his way to the station. He flashed his best smile, and then his badge, to Attila the Nurse behind the desk.

"If you could get the watchdog to let go long enough to let me get Mr. Tanner set for the morning, my day would begin so much more easily." She told him without so much as a ghost of a smile.

"Why, for a lady as lovely as yourself, I would do anything!" and she continued to stare at him unblinking until he added: "Yes ma'am. First thing." He put his badge away and went to Vin's room.

He stopped for a moment in the doorway to just admire the scene before him. Chris – obviously asleep – held Vin in his arms, each man leaning on the other to stay upright. Buck had to admit , Vin looked mighty peaceful there. After the horror of yesterday – hell after the whole last two weeks – seeing Vin calm, sleeping, and not in any pain, was a definite blessing.

From over his shoulder, Buck heard Attila pointedly clearing her throat so he flipped on the light and walked to his friends.

"Chris? Come on. Time to sit down before you fall down." He put one hand on Chris' shoulder. "Come on, both of you."

Chris woke up first, immediately drawing his arms closer, protectively around Vin.

"What? What time is it?" He blinked in the light, then looked down to Vin, who was only just stirring.

"It's not quite 6am Chris. You need to sit down, and the nurse needs to get a look at Vin without you snarling at her."

He began to gently separate them. Vin went easily, laying back into the pillows and sheepskin, barely opening his eyes to make sure Chris was still there, letting one hand slide slowly off Chris' arm.

"I'll stay here." Chris said.

"You need to get some sleep."

"I'll stay here."

"No, c'mon Chris." Buck tugged on his arm. "It's time you got the good night's sleep you helped Tiny get last night."

"If I leave, he'll get upset." Chris said. It wasn't an argument, it was a torment.

"He'll be just fine Chris. Okay? I promise. Watch¼" Leaving Chris a foot or two away from the bed, Buck gently shook Vin's shoulder. Two black-and-blue blue eyes opened a slit.

"Hey Vin, how're you doing?"

"Hey¼Buck¼" A nearly full smile threatened to split the already split lips. "¼been better."

"I bet you have¼hey Vin, I'm trying to drag Chris out for coffee and a shower. What d'you say? Think he could stand to smell a little better?"

Fear opened the eyes wider, and Chris came back to the bed.

"If you want me to stay Vin, you know I'm not going anywhere." And indecision played across Vin's face. "I'll stay here." Chris decided, but another looked came into Vin's narrowed eyes.

"Kinda small room¼" he rasped. "Shower¼won't kill you¼y'know."

So, even though Chris could tell he was still scared, he could also see some determination in Vin's face.

"All right." He gave in. "I know when I'm outnumbered."

"Hey Buck¼" Vin smiled again, seriously threatening his healing lips. "He can...count to...two!" but even as Chris laughed and turned away, Vin reached out an unsteady hand. "Come back soon¼"

"I will."

M7*M7*M7

By 6pm of the first full day Vin was in ICU, Chris'd had about all he could take. Nightmares shook Vin every half hour or so, sending a battalion of nurses hurrying into the room when all his monitors shot off the charts, and depriving both men of any prolonged rest.

They'd started this morning after Buck's visit, and they hadn't stopped since. By now, Chris would just check his watch and count down the minutes until the next nightmare began. Despite the painkillers and mild sedative Nathan ordered, Vin would twitch and whimper, sometimes tremble violently. Chris would stand next to him and try to gently wake him up, but even when Vin's eyes were open, he'd pull away from his brother and bring his arm up to protect his face. With his rough, broken voice he'd plead to be left alone, to stop being hurt, he didn't know anything¼ and all the while, his monitors would be shrieking their alarm out at the nurses' station.

Chris' first inclination was always to hold Vin close, and try to shelter him from the real and recurring memories of horror. His second inclination was to manually disembowel the rat bastards who'd done this to Vin.

But as long as those rat bastards were still in the lock-up, Chris wasn't even allowed in the front door of the precinct house. And until Vin recognized him again each time, he wouldn't let Chris close enough to touch him, much less hold him. So he'd have to talk quietly to Vin, and wait for his calm words to penetrate the fear and the fog. Wait for Vin to understand who was with him, and allow Chris to wrap him in a gentle hug.

Sometimes Chris could get Vin to really wake up and recognize him before the nurses came in and took over; sometimes he'd be politely or firmly or unequivocally moved to the side by them, and when Vin did 'come to' again, his first reaction would be to call and reach for Chris.

At first, the nurses were inclined to disregard this, until they couldn't help but note that Vin's heart rate, BP, and breathing all slowed down and became stable when he could touch Chris. As the day wore on, and everybody wore down, Chris was allowed to tend to Vin's shattered nerves, while the nurses made sure everything physical was okay.

These last few times, Vin would weakly grip Chris' hand and beg "Don't tell Buck. OK Chris? Don't tell Buck¼break his heart¼" then sleep would swallow him up for another thirty or thirty five minutes, and Chris never got to ask what he shouldn't be telling Buck.

So now, with the latest nightmare just passed, and maybe a half hour to recuperate, Chris sat in his chair with his head in his hands. Jim would be back later, after visiting Chris' Mom; Chris could nap while Jim sat with Vin. He just had to hold on a couple more hours.

He became aware of someone walking into the room, but he didn't lift his head. If it was a nurse, they were here to see Vin. If it was a visitor, they were here to see Vin. Either way, Chris didn't lift his head. But he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see one of the nurses standing next to him. Kim. Thank God for nametags. She'd set two Styrofoam cups of coffee and a paper bag on the overbed table.

"Thought maybe you'd want to know that your friend Buck was in the visitor's lounge when I went to dinner forty five minutes ago. He's still there now, sitting just the way you are¼"

"Buck?" Chris' mind couldn't focus. "Why didn't he come in?"

"Why don't you go find out?" Kim suggested, motioning to the cups and bag.

"You need a break and I have to take care of Vin."

"He gets nightmares." Chris shook his head.

"And I will personally come get you if it happens when you're not here. Okay?" When he hesitated, she went on. "Detective Larabee – Chris – you won't be any help to your brother at all if you collapse on this floor from exhaustion. Now go on and see to your friend. I promise I will personally come get you as soon as I'm done with Vin. _Okay?_"

"Okay." Chris finally agreed. He wearily and painfully pushed himself up from the chair, and stood a moment at the bedside. Vin was turned onto his side, mostly to relieve the pressure on his raw back. The blanket was up at his shoulders; still, Chris pulled it up a little more and lightly brushed his hand up and down the too-thin arm.

"I'll be back." He whispered.

Just as Kim had said, Buck sat on the couch in the visitor's lounge, head in hand. He didn't move when Chris came into the otherwise empty room. Larabee set the cups on the pressboard coffee table and pulled a straight back chair over in front of his friend. He dropped the paper bag at Wilmington's feet. That got him to look up.

"How's Tiny?" the first question out of him, as he reached to take the cup Chris offered him. His eyes were dark and bloodshot.

"He's been having nightmares pretty steady all day."

"Did he tell you?" Buck sounded desperate.

"He didn't have to tell me, I could see the second he started –."

"No – did he tell you – Chris did Vin tell you why they kidnapped him?"

Chris shook his head, and sat in the chair.

"No, he's hardly had breath to say anything at all. I didn't want to ask him about any of that yet¼" He paused a moment, but Buck didn't elaborate. "Why did they kidnap him Buck?"

"They told us - that rat scum who hurt him – they told us that whoever hired them wanted Vin to think that they thought he was JD. And they were supposed to be trying to get information out of him about a case I'm working on. And it wasn't even a case that I AM working on. Just stuff they made up."

He pulled off the top of the cup and took a swallow of scalding coffee. He winced at the sting of it as it went down. His hands were shaking.

"They tortured him for non-existent information Chris. They tortured him for a reason even THEY don't know. And all that time Chris – the whole time they were doing God-awful things to him and making him scream so bad he ruined his voice – Chris –."

It almost seemed that Buck couldn't go on. Tears filled his eyes and he scrubbed at them.

"He never once let on that he wasn't JD. Can y'imagine? Going through what he went through, never once trying to get out of it by owning up he wasn't the right fella? And all the while he's thinking he's suffering on account of me. Good Lord Chris -." And words failed him again. "Good Lord¼" he bent his head down and covered his eyes.

The coffee cup dangled dangerously from Buck's other hand, and Chris took it to set back on the table. Now he knew what Vin didn't want him to tell Buck.

"C'mon and see Vin." Chris put his hands on Buck's shoulders.

"I can't."

"Yes you can."

"How can I?" Buck lifted his head. "After what he went through? Thinking he was going through it for JD, for me? How can I ever face him again?"

"He was real happy to see you this morning Buck." Chris reminded him. "In Vin's mind, I expect nothing's changed. I expect he'll still be real happy to see you."

Wilmington shook his head again, and Chris pulled out a tactic he wasn't too happy about using.

"Buck – a lot of his nightmares, he's been calling for you¼" Okay, that was a lie. His mother would forgive him. "I think he'll feel better if he sees that you're all right."

Buck gave in with a sigh.

"Okay."

"Good – first let's get some of this food into you." Chris handed the coffee back to Buck, and pulled a couple of mega-muffins out of the paper bag.

"Have you told JD?" he asked.

"No – how could I? He's torn up enough just know what Tiny went through, much less _why."_

"Does this have a chance of becoming public knowledge?" and Chris saw that Buck understood his reasoning right away.

"Yeah." He sounded defeated.

"Then you have to tell him before he finds out some way else."

And Buck nodded. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes while they each took desultory bites of their muffins.

"I can't tell him Chris." Buck admitted. "I know what'll do to him and I can't face that¼I don't know if I can even tell Vin that I know."

"I'll tell him for you, if you want." Chris offered.

"Which one? Tiny or Tinier?"

"Either. Both. I'll tell them for you, or I'll be there when you tell them. Just let me know." Chris knew Vin was right. Even in his exhausted, terrified state, Vin knew – this was breaking Buck's heart. "I'll be right there with you Buck." And Buck nodded.

"Thanks Pard."

M7*M7*M7

When Buck was ready, the two of them stood up and went back to Vin's cubicle.

Kim was just coming through the closed curtain, carrying the supplies she'd used to give Vin his bath. She smiled at them and said

"It's okay to go back in now¼"

Chris took a step or two, and when Buck didn't follow, he looked back at him. Buck opened his mouth, but couldn't say anything. He just shook his head and took a step backwards. Chris nodded his understanding and went on without him.

Vin was turned onto his other side, facing away from where Chris had been sitting before, and Chris walked to that side of the bed. Vin's eyes opened a slit, and a small sigh escaped him.

"¼look terrible¼" he said of his brother.

"Looked in a mirror lately?" Chris answered, but he forced a smile as he said it.

"You've had a bath two days in a row now, might get to be a habit."

"¼not¼without¼rubber ducky¼"

Vin lifted his left hand to weakly poke Chris' shirt front.

"What?"

"¼just¼making¼sure¼" Vin's hand dropped back down to the mattress, and Chris gently repositioned it.

"You need anything?" Chris didn't want to think about all the times during his captivity that Vin must've reached for him and he _wasn't _there.

"¼_sleep_¼" that word and need came through loud and clear. "¼stupid nightmares¼"

"What are your nightmares about?" Chris asked. Even with his eyes bruised and nearly swollen shut anyway, Vin shot his brother a scowl.

"What the hell y'think they're about?" The long unbroken sentence winded Vin, and he winced as he took as deep a breath as he could.

"I know – it's just –." Mindful that Buck was just outside the curtain. "You've been asking me not to tell Buck something. Only I don't know what you don't want me to tell him."

Instead of answering though, Vin turned his head down, so Chris couldn't see his eyes.

"Vin –."

Now Chris was torn. He'd said he'd tell Vin that Buck knew – but it suddenly hit Chris that that meant he had to be the one to tell Vin he'd been dragged over the shiny spikes of Hell for no reason. At least no reason they knew of. He'd protected Buck and JD unflinchingly – and unnecessarily.

How do you tell a man that his courage was all for nothing?

"Vin -." Chris had to tell him, he'd find out sooner or later. "They knew you weren't JD."

Vin's eyes opened in surprise.

"They told Buck that they knew right from the get-go that you weren't JD."

Vin seemed to ponder this for a great long while. Finally he pushed a heavy breath out.

"Hmm. Wondered about¼that knew they were¼stupid didn't think¼they were so stupid¼wouldn't read a paper or¼" a deep breath in. "¼look at the television¼"

"There's one other thing¼" The moment of truth. "They told Buck – Vin there was no case they wanted information on, they were just making it up. Anything they asked you about some case Buck is working on – Vin – they made that up. They were lying."

Several long minutes hung between them. Vin began to shake as he stared into Chris' face.

"You mean -." He finally stammered out. "You mean – Buck –."

The curtain moved then and Buck came into the cubicle. Tears were rolling down his face. Vin awkwardly turned his head toward him.

"You were never – in danger?"

Buck took a few hard swallows of guilt and shame.

"No Vin." His voice was hoarse and choked. "I was never in danger."

For another long moment, Vin didn't even breathe. He turned his face away and down again, his body still shuddering. Finally one harsh, anguished sob broke from him, and before he gave way to the tears that overwhelmed him, he managed one last, clear statement:

"_Thank God."_

_To be continued_


	12. Chapter 12

_Buck Wilmington stood staring down at a little boy who barely seemed to come up to his knee. The little boy likewise stood staring up at him._

"_So – you're Chris' new little brother hunh?" _

_Wide-eyed and solemn, the boy nodded. _

"_Kinda tiny, aren't you?" _

_The lower lip stuck out in a pout._

"_I'm not tiny!" he insisted. _

"_You sure look tiny to me." Buck pressed on, a teenaged urge to pester the little kid. _

"_I'm NOT tiny!" Vin insisted again. Putting his hands on his hips, and puffing out his five year old chest as much as he possibly could, he asserted proudly: "I'm MIGHTY!" _

_It was all Buck could do to keep a straight face at the diminutive swagger and boast. _

"_Hmm__¼__ mighty tiny__¼__" He was rewarded with a glare. "Yep, you're related to Chris__¼__" _

"_What are you doing to Vin?" Chris asked, finally coming into the backyard with the lemonade and plastic glasses. _

"_He called me tiny!" Vin complained. _

"_You are tiny." Chris told him. _

"_Oh." The chest deflated, the arms were dropped to hang down at his sides. His face held a look of disappointment. _

"_But remember –." Buck told him, not wanting the kid to be too dejected. "You're MIGHTY tiny!" and Vin lit up again with pride. _

M7*M7*M7

Buck almost couldn't bear it, standing outside the curtain in Vin's cubicle, listening to Chris tell Vin that he'd needlessly protected Buck and JD. Couldn't bear to hear the catch in Vin's words as the realization hit him. Just as he felt himself turning to run out of the hospital, almost blinded by his tears, Buck realized that if he didn't face Vin now, he'd never be able to face him at all.

So, he forced himself through the curtain, forced himself to not take his eyes from the abused, heartrending face turned to him. Forced himself to admit "No Vin, I was never in any danger¼" Waiting to accept whatever scorn and condemnation Vin felt he deserved. And he deserved it all.

Instead, he heard the gasped but heartfelt "Thank God" before Vin was lost to his own tears. Buck continued to stare at Vin, unwilling to believe what he'd heard. All that mattered to Vin was that Buck was safe and had been the entire time. He couldn't believe it.

Vin turned his face into his pillow and curled his left arm protectively around his head. Buck looked to Chris, wondering why he wasn't moving in to comfort his brother. But Chris was motioning to Buck to come over. Even as Buck anxiously shook his head, he walked to the bed. Chris stepped aside, and Buck lowered the rail and set himself carefully on the edge of the bed.

"Hey Tiny."

But his voice shook, and he had to scrub at the tears on his own face. Vin didn't acknowledge him, and Buck couldn't imagine what he could possibly say at such a time that would make any difference, or even come close to accurately conveying what he meant. He laid his hand on the back of Vin's head, his fingers turning into the damp and warmth of his hair.

"Hey Tiny." he said again. "You mind – you think maybe I could sit with you awhile? Chris said that you been getting nightmares? I thought if I was to sit with you, maybe I'd scare 'em away." He paused but still got not answer. "Would that be okay?"

It took awhile, but he could see that Vin was moving his arm down and turning his head back out his pillow.

"Y-y-you don't h-have to¼" Vin stammered out, trying to calm himself down. "Chris¼taking care of me¼"

"Well I can take care of you too, can't I?" Buck asked, mocking a little indignant. "I don't reckon there's anything Chris can do that I can't do better." He made a grand gesture of smoothing his mustache. "You know, us handsome fellas can do _anything._"

Chris came up behind him. "You're absolutely right Buck. While I'm taking a nap, you sit with Vin." He reached over to the bedside table for a box of Kleenex. "He needs help blowing his nose."

And he was out of the room, before Buck could say anything.

M7*M7*M7

_Midnight, on the hottest night of the summer. Godzilla had just defeated Mothra again. Or maybe it was the Smog Monster. Or maybe it was Mary Poppins. After a night of popcorn, potato chips, soda pop and ice cream, all the movies were running together. _

_Chris and Buck sat on the floor, leaning back against the sofa. JD slept at one end, twisted up so that his head rested on Buck's shoulder, and his arm hung limply around his neck. _

_Vin slept at the other end, one arm curled under his head, the other hand pressed hot and damp against Chris' shoulder. _

"_Well, I think it's time I got this little fella home in bed." Buck said, as the final final credits rolled. "This was real fun__¼__I'm glad we did it." _

"_Yeah, the weekends don't seem to come around as often as they used to." Chris agreed. _

_Buck reached over to pull JD into his lap, and then stood up. He settled the still-sleeping child against one shoulder and over the other he hefted the gym bag he carried whenever he took JD anywhere. It contained two extra sets of clothes for JD, baby wipes and baby aspirin, bandages, antibiotic ointment, ipecac, instant ice packs, first aid book, a couple of bottles of water, and every emergency phone number in the county. It was a toss-up which weighed more – JD or the bag. _

_Chris walked them out, and watched until the little green Toyota was down the street and past the stop sign, and then went back inside. He picked up the trash and took it to the kitchen, then came back for Vin. He didn't stir at all as Chris scooped him up to carry upstairs to bed. _

_He flipped the light switch with his shoulder, and set Vin on the bed. He kept him upright long enough to pull off his t-shirt and laid him back to tug his jean shorts off over his barefeet, leaving the seven year old in his Superman underwear. Jim came into the room behind them. _

"_Is the world still safe for democracy?" he asked quietly, referring to the movies they'd been watching. _

"_Depends__¼__Mary Poppins is still on the loose somewhere__¼__" Chris told him. "And JD is convinced she could take Godzilla in a fair fight." _

_He pulled Vin's "nightshirt" – one of Chris' old t-shirts – out from under the pillow, and quickly and expertly pulled it onto Vin without waking him. _

"_Buck's doing real well with JD." Jim said. "Better than I think he thought he would." _

"_Well, Buck's heart is just too big to be anything but great at it." Chris pulled the sheet up to Vin's shoulders and tucked his teddy bear under his arm. "God help anybody who even thinks about harming that kid." _

_Chris stood back a moment to survey his handiwork. He brushed the sweat-damp hair off Vin's forehead and gave him a quick kiss goodnight. _

"_See you in the morning Vin." He whispered, then said goodnight to Jim before heading to his own room. _

_Jim stood a minute longer in his son's room, watching him sleep. "Yep, God help anybody who lays a hand on that boy__¼__" he said of Vin and Chris. _

M7*M7*M7

"C'mon Vin, I know you like Jell-O. You ate it all the time when you had your tonsils out." Of course that was almost twenty years ago. Despite Chris' encouragement, Vin remained determinedly turned away from him. "It's even peach flavored and I know that's your favorite¼" Still no response.

Chris set the plastic spoon back into the plastic container and tried not to let out an audible sigh. The morning of Vin's second full day in ICU and Nathan had ordered that Vin could start soft foods by mouth. Vin would let Chris hold the glass while he took sips of water, but he refused to have anything to do with the Jell-O.

"What is it Vin?"

"Don't¼want¼you to¼feed me¼"

Okay, that was plain enough.

"Do you want Jim? You want me to get a nurse?" No answer. "What am I doing wrong?" Chris tried to sound lighthearted, but wondered really what it was that Vin didn't like about it.

"Don't want you¼embarrassed¼feeding me¼" Vin still didn't look at his brother.

"You think I'm embarrassed to help you?" Chris asked. Vin didn't answer, he seemed to stiffen. "Vin – are you embarrassed to have me help you?" and finally Vin did look at him.

"No." The urgent instant answer of truth.

"Then why would I be embarrassed to help you?"

"I don't know¼" and by the sound of his voice, Vin really didn't know.

"It's one of the joys I missed out on by not having you as my brother when you were a baby – feeding and changing you." Chris produced the spoonful of Jell-O and offered it again.

Before Vin took it, he told Chris:

"¼careful what you wish for¼"

Chris laughed out loud and spooned up more Jell-O.

"I'll just get Buck back again¼"

and Vin's eyes widened in horror.

"I'll wait."

"You know what they say Vin: time and – uhh – _tide_ – wait for no man¼" Chris told him.

Vin moved his arm with the IV in it.

"¼low tide¼" he pointed out. Chris shook his head.

"The rain's coming¼" and he looked up to the two IV bags hanging over Vin's head. "And I don't think you want _Mom_ taking a turn at helping you¼"

Though Vin's face was mostly bruises, Chris could see the blush creep over.

"How¼is¼Mom¼?" Vin asked after another mouthful of Jell-O.

"Spittin' nails¼"

"Hmm¼wonder who¼she¼passed that¼onto?" he asked, trying to give a blank, innocent look. But Chris pointed the plastic spoon at him.

"Worse, I'll have Grandma come take care of you. She'll be calling all your personal information down the hallway. Everybody on the floor will know when, why, and how much you relieve yourself. And you know she won't just be talking about the catheter."

Vin blushed harder but laughed enough to make himself cough. Chris set the Jell-O down to grab some tissues and the glass of water.

"You okay?" and Vin nodded as he coughed weakly into the back of his hand.

He waved off the tissues but took a long sip of water.

"Grandma¼strikes¼again¼" He let Chris feed him the rest of the Jell-O. "They¼miss you¼at work?"

"Naah¼"

Vin's face drew in with a frown of concern.

"Suspend¼you¼?"

"Umm¼no – 'family leave'." Chris couldn't meet Vin's eyes at first. "I'm on a kinda administrative leave to take care of you, protect you. You know?"

"Suspended?" Vin tried again.

"No." Chris said it on a long breath. "Just – since my mind would be here all the time anyway, figured my body ought to be here too¼that's all¼want some more water?"

Vin nodded and took another sip.

"I¼'preciate it."

"What?"

"That you'd¼kill them¼for me."

Chris didn't say anything, just nodded, a grim expression on his face. Vin motioned him down close to whisper something to him, and afterward Chris sat back and considered Vin a moment or two. His best friend and baby brother. He knew all the punch lines to all of Chris's jokes, and knew how all of his favorite stories ended. Vin'd stood by him through the death of Sarah and Adam, fought with him through his attempted escape into alcohol. Vin told him when he was stupid, lied sometimes and said Chris was right when he knew he was wrong, and never once let Chris think he was anything less than his friend and hero and brother.

He nodded again.

"I love you too Vin."

To be continued


	13. Chapter 13

"_You sure you don't want another little brother?" Buck asked. He stood in Chris' backyard, helping his friend rake up the fresh cut grass. _

"_Give it time Buck, he'll grow on you." _

_Chris looked over to the glider where the two little boys sat. Vin, seven years old, opened a box of Cracker Jacks, staring at the littler boy. JD sat as far to the end as he could get, gripping a brand new GI Joe in front of himself like a talisman. _

"_You want some Cracker Jacks?" Vin offered when the box finally opened. _

"_I'm not asposed to have alotta sugar." The five year old answered, repeating something he didn't understand but knew by heart. "I get wired up." _

_Vin accepted this answer, but puzzled over it. Making a show of shaking the box, he dug through and pulled out a large cluster of peanuts and popcorn. He held it out to JD. _

"_I think this piece doesn't got a lotta sugar on it." He said. _

_Trusting the wisdom of the older boy, JD took the offered treat and ate it. _

"_I mean, I feel bad for him." Buck went on. "Losing his Mom like that. Poor kid has hardly said a word since Mom brought him back from Chicago last week." _

"_What about his father?" Chris asked. Yard work was forgotten for the moment. Buck shrugged. _

"_If his Mom even ever knew who that was__¼__" he shrugged again. "No way of finding it out now." Buck made a few idle passes with his rake. "I mean – I know he's my cousin and everything. Me and Mom have a hard enough time now sometimes. And anyway__¼__" he hurried on before Chris could answer that. "I don't know as I want a little brother. Always gotta be looking for him, taking responsibility for him so he don't get lost or hurt or cold or__¼__" _

"_You do fine with Vin." Chris reminded him, and it was true. Chris couldn't imagine a more perfect big brother for a little boy than Buck. _

"_That's different." Buck said. "Tiny's got you, and you've both got your Mom and Dad. All I have to be is a friend to Vin. With JD, I'm gonna have to be his brother and his father." His quiet tone conveyed the weight and seriousness that the nineteen year old put into his responsibility. "I don't think I can do that." _

"_You're not doing it alone Buck. You've still got your Mom. I'll help you, you know Jim and Mom will help you too__¼__you're not doing it alone." _

_Buck let out a deep sigh, watching his new little brother accept pieces of carefully inspected popcorn from Vin._

"_I don't know. I don't think there's anything you can say that'll make me feel better about this." _

_But Chris had one more experience to share. _

"_Two words Buck – __**'chick magnet'**__." _

_And Buck's eyes positively glowed._

"_Hey JD!" he called out. "Want to go to the mall? I'll buy you a toy!" _

_And the subdued boy was transformed into a ball of energy, flinging himself off the glider and hurling himself into Buck's arms. _

"_Can I get Clifford the Big Red Dog and does they got Thomas the Train and can I get a tank for GI Joe and does they got a Slinky and__¼__" the outburst continued as Buck carried JD out to his car. Vin got off the glider and walked over to Chris. _

_Offering him the box of Cracker Jacks, he asked: _

"_Chris – what does 'wired up' mean?" _

M7*M7*M7

Buck tried to wait as patiently as he could, but he was taking time off from work to bring JD to see Vin, and he needed to get back as soon as he could. So far, JD had only stood watching Vin through the window at his ICU cubicle. 

Not much had changed, not much ever seemed to change, though it was only thirty six hours or so. Vin slept, or at least had his eyes closed. Buck was getting used to the massive bruising and damage; he knew it was still a shock to JD. 

"Are you sure he's alive?" JD whispered. Buck answered him seriously, though under any other circumstances it would've been a silly question. 

"He's alive. Looks set to stay that way too." Buck tried to wait patiently. "You can go in JD, just talking to him isn't going to hurt him." 

"What if he says something and I can't understand him?" 

"Then tell him that you can't understand him. I've had to do that a few times, everybody has - except Chris." 

JD nodded, and looked around.

"How come Chris isn't here?" 

"He's gone to visit Sera. He'll be back after lunch¼JD – are you going in or not?" he asked it gently. 

"Yeah¼yeah¼"

Slowly, JD got his feet to move, into the quiet, clean room. Vin didn't stir from where he slept on the pillows and air mattress. One hand – the arm that had the IV - rested on top of the blankets near his chin; the other arm was up on the pillow, curled around his head. 

"Is he in pain?" 

"No, he's not JD. They're making sure of that." Buck assured him. 

Halfway into the room, JD stopped so suddenly that Buck ran into him. Feeling the shuddering press of JD's back against him, Buck put his hands on his shoulders.

"You don't have to do this now JD." He whispered. "Vin'll understand. He's hardly awake most of the time anyway, and when he is sometimes – well, sometimes only Chris can get through to him." He repeated: "You don't have to do this now." 

"I just need to – see him." Though JD was seeing Vin, just standing where he was standing. "I just need – I just – ." 

Though he didn't finish the sentence, Buck knew what he meant. 

"I know JD. We all need that. C'mon a little closer." 

He gently urged JD a few more feet toward the hospital bed and active machinery. 

"We don't have to wake him up, you can just leave the card with him, where he can see it when he does wake up." 

"Okay¼" JD slipped the get-well card out of its envelope and set it upright on the overbed table where Vin would see it as soon as he opened his eyes. Then he stood and stared down at his friend. The damage sickened him. At length JD crossed his arms over his chest and bowed his head. Buck wrapped his arm around him. 

"He's going to be all right JD. A lot of rest. A _LOT_ of TLC. He'll need you more than he ever did, keep him involved with work, keep him feelin' that he's still a part of the world and his own life. You two always kept an eye out for each other, right from that first day. It's no different now than when he had mono a few years ago, or when you - ." 

"It_ is_ different." JD insisted, keeping his voice down. "This isn't mono or measles or chicken pox. This is somebody beating the hell out of him and we don't even know why. It _is _different." 

"JD¼" Buck pulled him away from the bed before they disturbed Vin. "What happened to him is different, but what he's gonna need from us _isn't _any different. Okay? Don't spike yourself on what we coulda done or shoulda done¼okay?" he repeated when JD didn't answer at first. 

"Okay¼" came the soft answer finally. 

"Okay. I'm gonna put a call into work. You stay here a minute, till I get back?" 

"Yeah." JD agreed reluctantly. He didn't move from his spot four feet from the bed, even after Buck left the room in search of a pay phone. JD just stood and watched Vin, asleep and battered beyond all telling. This was nothing like mono, no matter what Buck said. Nothing like any of the scrapes and scares they'd been through in the past twenty years. 

How in the world could he ever hope to help Vin through this? 

After a minute or two, and Buck didn't come back, Vin shifted a little on the bed and a soft whimper caught in his throat. He brought his hand down from off the pillow and rubbed gently at his eyes. He coughed a futile cough and repositioned himself on the sheepskin and air mattress. His eyes opened briefly then shut. The opened again and stared, puzzled, at the card less than a foot away from him. 

When he figured out what it was, he reached out for it, but his fingers couldn't grasp it, and it fluttered away from him and down onto the floor. JD instinctively moved to pick it up. 

"Hey Vin." He said, to keep from startling him. "I was trying not to wake you up." 

He tucked the card, open, into Vin's fingers, hoping that would be good enough. 

But Vin didn't look at the card, he grinned at JD.

"Worried you forgot me." He tried to enunciate it slowly and plainly, with as few words as he could get by with. "Glad you're here." 

JD returned the grin. 

"Me too." 

Down the ICU a little, and across the aisle, Buck watched the proceedings. After a few minutes, he was joined by Chris who was just coming back.

"What're we looking at?" Chris whispered. 

Buck nodded toward Vin's cubicle. 

"Just getting the kids reacquainted¼" 

To be continued


	14. Chapter 14

The two brothers sat side by side in the ICU cubicle, watching the television attached to the wall near the ceiling. Four days into his hospital stay, Vin was strong enough to sit up in a comfortable chair for an hour or a little less at a time. He was tucked under a blanket, and still attached to his IV's and monitors. Chris' chair was right next to Vin's, by Vin's request, and Chris sat so that their arms pressed lightly together.

The movie on HBO was over, and Chris picked up the remote to surf. He paused on a local station, and a news announcer came on._ "Tonight on Eyewitness News, we'll have the latest on the abduction and torture of local businessman Vincent Tanner__¼__"_

Chris frantically hit the 'off' button, but it was too late.

"I'm sorry¼" he turned to Vin. "I didn't mean for that to happen¼"

Vin was staring at the now-blank TV screen; he shrugged.

"Didn't know I was a 'businessman'." His voice scratched out. "JD'd be tickled to hear that¼"

But Chris didn't trust his calm.

"Maybe you should lie back down? You've been sitting up awhile now¼"

"No, I wanna stay here. Okay? Just stay here with me?"

"You bet." It seemed like everybody else had problems understanding Vin's awkward speech, but Chris always understood every word.

"No TV." Vin added quickly. Chris agreed.

"No TV." He felt Vin sag a little heavier against his arm, and let his head rest down on Chris' shoulder.

"Sounds bad." Vin said, after a minute or so.

"What does?"

"_Torture._" Vin sat up and shifted a little to get a better view of Chris. "I mean – it sounds worse than just saying 'got beat up'¼" He looked and sounded bewildered, and Chris wondered where his line of thought was headed.

"You were more than 'just beat up' Vin." He reminded him gently.

"Tortured?"

Chris had to nod.

"Yeah, you were tortured."

What did Vin think had been done to him? Black and blue head to toe, blood loss, welts, burns, nerve damage in his hands, fractured ribs, bruised internal organs – and that was just the suffering Chris let himself think about. What in the world did Vin think had been done?

But Chris didn't ask that.

Vin re-shifted himself to rest his head again on Chris' shoulder, and they passed a few more minutes in comfortable and comforting silence.

"I don't like 'torture'."

"Can't say as I'm all that fond of it either." Chris said, and Vin rasped out an amused chuckle.

"Well, _'great minds think alike__¼__'_ y'know."

He let out a long breath then, and it seemed like he was settling in for awhile. Chris found that he liked the weight and warmth of Vin resting against him, the affection and confidence implied in it. He would sit there all day and night if Vin wanted to.

A nurse walked by the glass and smiled at the warm scene. Chris returned her smile. That was Elizabeth. He was getting to know all the nurses on all the shifts by name and attitude. The really nice ones were Jan, Kim, Joan and Elizabeth.

But it was Vin's first shift nurse – Attila In The Morning – that Chris liked least. Vin had nothing bad to say about her, but none of the rest of the seven liked her. Chris didn't know her name.

"Vin?"

"Hmm?"

"What's the name of your morning nurse?"

"Nonnie." Came the weary reply.

"Nonnie?"

"Yeah. Nonnie Moss. Her first name is Adelaide, but she doesn't like it." He yawned. "She uses the initial."

It didn't take long for this to sift through Chris' brain.

"Your morning nurse's name is _'A. Nonnie Moss'_?" He wondered if Vin would hear exactly what it sounded like. He felt Vin shrug.

"That's what Jan told me¼" and they sat there a little while longer. Then Vin lifted his head to ask: "It doesn't have to be, does it?"

"What doesn't have to be?" Chris had no idea what he was getting at.

"It doesn't have to be that I was tortured, does it?" and as Chris started to formulate an answer, _some_ answer to that, Vin went on. "It's just – you tell somebody y'got beat up and it doesn't mean anything. Not really. But – you say you been tortured, and it's just – foreign – you know? It puts you someplace different, it puts you someplace – someplace harder to get back from." He searched Chris's face for understanding. "You know?"

"Yeah, I know." Chris told him. His voice was rough with emotion. "But you know –." He thought back to losing his Sarah and Adam. "I've spent time near that place, and I know how to get back from it." And then _he _looked for understanding in Vin's face. "Okay?"

"Okay." Vin nodded, and a heavy tear rolled down his cheek. He turned his head down, and Chris thought – hoped – that he'd rest against him again. But instead, Vin asked in a whisper that cracked at the end:

"Hold my hand?"

"Sure." Chris reached over and took both of Vin's hands between his own. "_Sure._"

And then Vin did lean against him again, and let his head rest on Chris' shoulder, and Chris felt the quiet trembling of his weeping. He moved one hand to put his arm around Vin and hold him close.

"I can get you back from there." He said again.


	15. Chapter 15

Chris came up the back elevator to Vin's floor. As he rounded the corner, he caught sight of Jim Tanner just getting onto the main elevator. He didn't see Chris, and that was just as well – Chris was in no humor right now to deal with Vin's Dad. He could understand Jim being in a bad mood – his wife in one hospital and his son in another. But hell, Chris was in a bad mood too. His mother was in one hospital and his brother in another. He didn't want to deal with anybody's mood right now but his own.

When he was sure the other elevator had closed and moved on, Chris headed down to ICU. The pretty, agreeable nurse was on duty, and she smiled at him as he passed the nursing station and went into Vin's room. As usual, Vin's eyes were closed and Chris kept as quiet as he could taking the chair.

But Vin's eyes fluttered open again. "D..a..d..?"

"No Vin. It's me."

Chris moved so he was in Vin's line of sight.

"I think I just saw your Dad heading out. Going to see Mom probably." Vin shook his head.

"Caf- caf-."

"Cafeteria?" Chris finished the sentence rather than have to listen to the harsh sound of Vin's voice. "You think Jim went to the cafeteria?" Well, not as good as leaving the building entirely, but it would still give Chris some time alone with Vin.

"Worried..."

"Of course he's worried about you –." Chris started but Vin shook his head again.

"Worried...'bout...him..."

"You're worried about your Dad?" and Vin nodded. "Well, he's getting a little wore out I'm sure. But Mom's coming home tomorrow so that'll be one worry off his mind –."

"Check...on...him...?" Vin asked. His worry showed plainly on his bruised face.

"You want me – to check on Jim?" Chris didn't mean for his reluctance to sound so clearly.

"Worried 'bout him." Vin insisted. "He's just got us..."

M7*M7*M7

_Chris stormed into the neighborhood arcade and roughly grabbed his kid brother by the shoulder and spun him away from the 'Wild Wild West Shootout' game._

_"Where the hell have you been?" Chris didn't care that the whole place got quiet and all the teenage patrons stared at him – he hollered at Vin. "I got a call at work from school, said you never showed up at all today. Mom and Jim are frantic. You know Mom's gonna be at the hospital all day – what the hell were you thinking?"_

_Vin pulled out of Chris' painful grip and started to turn back to his game, ignoring the tirade. Chris' response was to pull the twelve year old bodily from the building and shove him towards the car._

_"You are in so much trouble, I don't even want to think about it." He continued yelling at his unresponsive target. "Mom wanted to cancel her appointment to go out looking for you. It took her seven months to get that appointment and you almost blew it all to hell¼"_

_"It doesn't matter." Vin finally spoke, his sullen answer directed at his shirt collar. "She's gonna die anyway."_

_This answer startled Chris so much, he stared at Vin for several long moments, while his mind desperately searched for any proof that Vin could be right._

_"Mom's not dying." He finally managed to say. "Why do you think Mom's dying?"_

_"Cause she is." Vin answered with all the assurance of his experience as he got into the car. "It was just the same way when my Mom died. I know I was only five, but I remember she was always walking around crying, and going to the hospital all the time. Dad was mad all the time. Nobody told me anything then either. Not till Dad took me to the hospital to see Mom and then the next day he told me she wasn't coming home anymore." He slammed the car door shut. "And that's what's been happening now. Mom's always crying and going to the doctor, Dad's been grouchy. And nobody still won't tell me anything_."

_"Vin – Mom's not dying." Chris said. His tone made Vin look up at him._

_"She's not?"_

_"No." Chris shut his door, but didn't start the car. He thought a little bit about what was going on, and if Vin was old enough to understand it all. "Vin, you know Mom and your Dad have been wanting a baby since they got married." Vin nodded. "But it hasn't worked. All along the doctors have been telling Mom that being in her forties is too old to have a baby, and one doctor just lately told her that at forty six she's probably starting to go through menopause, which means she'll never be able to have another baby. So yeah, she's been crying a lot because she's unhappy. And that makes your Dad unhappy. She had this appointment today to see if there isn't anything they could do to have a baby together. She thinks it might be her last chance. So, she's not dying. Mom's just really unhappy. She and your Dad really wanted to have a baby together."_

_Vin considered this, with a look on his face that said he disagreed._

_"That's not what Dad said the other night."_

_"Why – what did he say?"_

_"He said – I heard him and Mom talking the other night after I went to bed. She said she wanted to give him another son."_

_"And?" Chris asked. Vin shrugged._

_"He said she already did."_

M7*M7*M7

"Jim – you look awful." Chris approached his stepfather at a lonely table in the hospital cafeteria, and set a bottle of orange juice in front of him. "You should be taking care of yourself too." He sat in the chair right next to him.

"It'll be better after your mother comes home tomorrow. One less trip we have to make anyway¼thanks." Jim opened the bottle and took a healthy swallow.

"Vin and Mom will both understand if you went home and slept from now until tomorrow morning Jim."

"No, I'm going to see Vin for a little while longer then go back to your Mom. I can sleep when Sera's home."

"If you don't collapse first."

One more swallow of juice, and Jim admitted: "It's lonely at the house without your Mom, without you boys." Even though Chris had been grown and gone fifteen years or more. "I didn't have much family growing up, and the family I did grow up with is down in Texas. I don't like being alone – makes me feel -."

"_Alone_." Chris supplied. He knew what that felt like.

"Yeah."

Chris mentally made some plans. "OK, we'll do this. We'll go back up to see Vin for awhile, then I'll drive us both over to see Mom. Then we'll get some dinner, drive back here to see Vin one last time, then you go home and get some sleep. Okay? You know Mom's gonna be on that phone first thing tomorrow wanting you to come get her at the hospital."

Jim smiled.

"Yep, she will¼" he capped the orange juice and both men stood up. "I know I haven't been the easiest person to be around lately Chris. I appreciate you putting up with me."

"That's what family does."

To be continued


	16. Chapter 16

Nine PM, Chris burst out of the elevator and down the hall to ICU. He tossed his overcoat to somebody as he passed the visitor's lounge. Who it was, he couldn't say, didn't care. One of his friends. More than that didn't matter. He punched the door release harder than he needed to, and waited only until he could get his hand in and pull the door open wide enough to slip through, and he was down the corridor.

Their parents stood at the bed, Sera up at the head, her shaking fingers adjusting the strap that held the oxygen mask in place over Vin's mouth and nose. Jim stood at the very end of the bed, one hand firmly gripped around Vin's foot under the blankets. By his expression, he felt exactly the way Chris suddenly did - utterly useless.

Sera noticed Chris first and went to him, giving him a light hug.

"He's resting honey. Nathan said he's already responding to the antibiotics. He's been a little restless though, I'm sure he'll rest easier when he knows you're here."

Chris nodded, but didn't take his eyes off of Vin. Even the bruises seemed pale on his skin. His eyes were closed and the breath seemed to tear in and out of him.

"We'll give you some time with him honey." his mother went on, then insisted: _"You let him know you're here." _

Chris nodded again. Sera kissed him before moving off, and Jim gave his shoulder a squeeze, and then Chris was alone in the room with Vin. He looked down at himself - dressed in his best suit, he suddenly felt out of place. After six days of blue jeans and wrinkled cotton shirts, little sleep and hospital food - to be showered, rested, and dressed up just didn't seem right.

Vin began to stir and he turned his head toward the side of the bed Sera had just been on. His hand moved out toward the railing as though seeking her. Chris went to him and put his hand over Vin's.

"Hey Vin..." The eyes opened and looked at him. "You're supposed to be getting better, not sicker."

Behind the mask, Vin took a difficult breath.

"Hurts."

"I know. Pneumonia'll do that to you." Chris lifted Vin's gloved hand and patted it a little. "I should've been here." he accused himself. Vin shook his head slightly.

"You...wouldn't have...liked it." he said of the tests and procedures that'd been done to him.

"Well, I guess there's more to this world than what I like and don't like." Chris said and the expression on Vin's face changed from pain to wonderment.

"_Aaaaaaaaaalleluia_." he managed to singsong out, as though a great truth had just been revealed.

"Wise guy." Chris grinned but it was short lived as Vin squeezed his eyes shut.

"_Hurts._" he said again, almost whined.

"I know - I wish I could take it away." Lord, Vin had been through so much already - how much more was he supposed to endure? "You want me to get the nurse? She'll give you more painkillers?"

But Vin shook his head.

"Sit...with...me?"

"Sure..." Chris turned back a little to reach for the chair, but Vin moved his arms to wrap around Chris' forearm.

"No..._with me_?" but Chris wasn't sure what that meant.

"You want me to sit on the bed with you?" and Vin nodded. "Okay."

Chris lowered the railing, keeping track of all the tubes and wires, and got himself situated on the edge of the mattress. He picked up Vin's hand again.

"Been...seeing...things..." Vin told him, reluctantly as though shy of admitting it.

"Things?"

"My Mom...your Dad...in the...room...here." He didn't sounded frightened, just puzzled.

"You've got a high fever Vin - it is just seeing things -."

"Elvis..."

That stopped Chris.

"You saw Elvis in your room?" he had to ask, and Vin nodded. "Okay. When you start seeing Barney, I'll worry."

Vin took in another breath and closed his eyes.

"Tell me?" he said.

"Tell you what?"

"Anything." Vin breathed out. "Just...talk..." he opened his eyes again. "Suit?" seeing it for the first time. "...suspended...?"

"Why do you always assume I've been suspended?" Chris asked, and Vin merely arched his eyebrows. "No. I have not been suspended." Chris enunciated each word. "Worse." and Vin pondered this a moment and then smiled, singsonging again.

"Chris...and Mary...sitting inna...tree...K...I...S..."

"Shut up."

"Bad word."

"We had dinner, but she just wanted to talk to me about you." Chris tried.

"Liar." Vin told him.

"Bad word."

"Not...when...it's true...you're so...shiny...I can't...see."

"I'll come grubby tomorrow." Chris promised. "You should sleep Vin." he said

Vin nodded, tiring out, but a troubled look on his face. Chris added immediately and easily,

"I won't leave you..." And then "Any requests if Elvis shows up?"

At first it sounded like Vin was just trying to cough or breathe deep.

"Hunka...hunka...burnin' love." With a weak finger he tugged at Chris' suitcoat sleeve.

"Shut up."

"Bad word."

"I'll sic Barney on you."

"I'll tell Mom..."

"You're a baby." Chris thought he got the last word in, as Vin smiled and closed his eyes, and sank down into the pillow. When he didn't move after a minute or so, Chris stood up and adjusted the blankets as best he could. He jostled the IV line though and Vin opened his eyes.

"_Chris_?" His voice so frail and breathless, Chris bent down to catch what he was saying. Frightened again, the same feeling when he got the call at the restaurant and somebody told him Vin had spiked a 105 fever, and was diagnosed with pneumonia.

"What is it Vin?"

"Got...lipstick...on your...collar.." and then the last word came out loud and clear: _"Stud." _

Three nurses were surprised to hear laughter echoing down the otherwise still floor.

To be continued


	17. Chapter 17

Buck pulled into the hospital parking lot for his daily visit. He came more to see Chris than Vin though. Vin had a whole hospital, three doctors, five nurses, four different therapists, six friends, two parents and one brother taking care of him – whether he wanted it or not. Chris wouldn't admit weakness until he passed out on the floor.

Probably not even then.

Coming off the elevator and turning toward the ICU wing, Buck saw the very realization of his concern: Chris leaning heavily against the wall just outside the automatic doors, head bowed down, hands shoved in his jeans pockets. Even when Buck approached him and said his name, Chris lifted his head slowly, and peered at Buck like maybe he wasn't recognizing him.

"Hey, what're you doing out here? Tiny having' another bath?"

"He had an accident." Chris sounded so crushed that Buck became alarmed.

"What happened? Did he fall out of bed? Did something happen with his IV or one of the machines?"

Chris repeated patiently. "He had an accident." Buck got it this time.

"But – he's on a catheter." Chris didn't say anything else and the wheels turned. "Oh - poor Tiny. What happened?"

"I don't know. Since he's been back eating even soft food – I mean, he hates the bedpan, but he dealt with it, y'know? He'd buzz the nurse then tell me 'you better leave, this won't be pretty' Chris shrugged. "Something he ate, or the antibiotics maybe? He didn't buzz her in time..."

Buck read Chris' face.

"Took it real bad, hunh?"

"He was _so_ humiliated. The nurse came in and I left. I didn't know what to say to him. What can you say? 'it's nothing, it happens all the time'? I mean – when was the last time that happened to you?"

"The last time I tried a low-fat diet for a week and then ate a burrito." Buck answered, completely serious.

Chris stared at him, either in disbelief, or wishing Buck hadn't been so obliging with his information.

"I think I'll hold off telling Vin that until he's in a better frame of mind..."

The automatic door opened then, and the nurse came out.

"I'm all done." She told Chris. "He needs you."

M7*M7*M7

There were all kinds of hell, Vin knew. There was the hell of faceless, nameless demons coming in the dark and cold to inflict such horrendous and outrageous agony on you that your mind refused to remember any of it later on.

And there was the hell of knowing you were completely helpless to take care of even the most basic needs of your own body. The first hell was made up of terror and unknowing; the second was just a bottomless pit of shame.

The only thing Vin could do was hide behind silence. The nurse taking care of him was gentle and understanding. She pulled the curtain and kept her voice low, talking only to let him know what she was doing, or about to do. Other than that, she seemed to realize his distress and need to isolate himself the only way he could.

She worked by herself taking care of Vin, and changed the bedding by helping him turn first to one side of the bed, then the other. When that was done though, he refused to turn onto his back again, and stayed pressed close the railing, not wanting to look at her or acknowledge her. Until she came around to that side of the bed, and leaned down to tell him softly that she was done. Then he pushed the oxygen mask aside to ask:

"...leave...curtain...shut...?" He didn't want anybody looking at him.

"I will." she promised him. "I'll send your brother back to you."

And she left, and Vin waited now for Chris to come in and tell him something stupid. How it was okay, or it was natural, or it was nothing. How it probably happened all the time, or they'd pay better attention next time so it didn't happen again.

Something stupid.

He closed his eyes, but there was no way he could pretend to be asleep, the way his breath caught and his muscles refused to relax out of the tight coil of distress. He heard the faint sound of metal on metal as the curtain slid open and closed again, and Chris came into the room. He pulled the chair close to the edge of the bed and sat down, and Vin tensed more, waiting to hear whatever stupid remark Chris was going to offer, trying to comfort him.

M7*M7*M7

Chris approached the bed slowly. Vin was upset, that was obvious. Curled onto his side, trying to bury his face in the pillow as much as he could with the oxygen mask still in place. He was holding his breath, and his body trembled with the effort of not breathing, and not crying.

What do you say to a man in this situation? Even if that man was your baby brother? It was no big deal – in the greater scheme of life and death, this was overwhelmingly nothing. But in Vin's world - reduced to a hospital bed and needing to rely on a rotating procession of strangers for extremely intimate assistance – it was everything.

What do you say to man in this situation?

M7*M7*M7

Vin felt and heard the rail slide down and he automatically pulled his hands closer to his body, just in case. _Just get it over with_, he thought. _Just say whatever asinine cliché you're going to say, and let me agree with it so I can forget this happened until the next time. _

But Chris didn't say anything right away. Vin felt him slide his hand against the back of his neck and hold it there a few seconds. When he finally spoke, his words surprised the hell out of Vin.

"I'm proud of you."

"What?" Vin turned his head up, a little too fast. "For what?" _For __**what**__?_

"You're a strong man Vin. God, if anybody knows how strong you are, I do. So I know how hard it is for you to let people help you, especially for things like this. After everything you've been through, nobody at all would blame you for raising all kinds of hell with anybody who walks through that door.

"If I was in your spot Vin, you know I'd be peeling the wallpaper with my temper and my frustrations. But you don't – even in the terrible physical and emotional state you're in now – you're thoughtful and patient and worried about how everybody else is taking this." Chris paused a moment, before finishing.

"So – I'm proud of you Vin. I wish I was more like you."

Surprisingly, that didn't make Vin cry. Not that it was what Chris had been intending – his only intent was to get them past those awkward first moments after the incident – but he was a little surprised at the change in Vin. He uncurled his body in the bed and turned onto his back with help from Chris. Then he pushed the mask down off his face and asked Chris if he'd help him with the Kleenex. His voice – though still harsh – was stronger than it'd been yet in the hospital.

Chris took a few tissues and wiped Vin's runny nose, then gave him a fresh bundle of them, big enough to hold relatively secure in his fingers. Vin used them to swipe at his eyes before negotiating the mask back into place.

"Think...I might...sleep awhile." He told Chris. "...open the...curtain for me...?"

To be continued


	18. Chapter 18

Buck stayed well out of the way of the nurse as she checked Vin's wiring and plumbing. This was a nice nurse. She smiled a lot and kept up a line of conversation with Vin that he could answer by nodding or shaking his head, instead off trying to speak. Buck stayed out of her way, not because she asked him to, but because he didn't want to be any closer to the devastation that was VIn than he had to be. It was bad enough knowing what happened to Vin, he didn't need to see it.

He was just filling in here until Vin's Mom came back. Buck could think of a dozen places he'd rather be, but as uncomfortable as he was being here, he wouldn't let Vin be alone even for an hour or less. Vin'd been asleep the first fifteen minutes or so he'd been here, and now the nurse was completing her hourly check. As far as Buck was concerned, she could take the next half hour doing it.

"You can come back now." She said though, smiling at Buck, as she tucked the blankets back around Vin. She'd be worth getting to know better, if Buck's mind wasn't so tied up in knots just looking at his friend.

"How's he doing?" he managed to ask anyway, hoping he sounded as casual as he wished he felt. "How're you doing Tiny?" Vin's eyes opened briefly, just enough to nod to Buck that he was okay, and they closed again.

"He's doing fine." The nurse – Jan on her nametag – kept smiling. "Why do you call him 'Tiny'?"

"Well, 'cause he was tiny the first time I met him." Buck stood next to the bed. When Vin's eyes opened again and stayed open, Buck addressed him. "You were five weren't you? When your Dad started going out with Chris's Mom?" Vin nodded. "You turned six just before they got married, just before me and Chris started college. You were a tiny fella then." Vin just nodded again, tired and wearing out.

"How long have you known each other?" Jan asked.

"Must be twenty years now?" Buck asked Vin, who mouthed a different answer. "Twenty two years?" Buck sounded astonished. "I'm that old? And still this handsome? Well, the Lord does work in mysterious ways!" Vin sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes.

"Yes, he certainly does." Jan agreed. "You call me if you need anything." She pulled open the curtain and left the little room. Buck pulled the chair close to the bed and sat down, adjusting his position so that Vin could see him through the railing.

"You go back to sleep now Vin. I'll be here." He didn't like to admit it, but he felt better when Vin was sleeping. That meant he was healing, and it meant Buck didn't have to worry about trying to figure out what Vin might need by deciphering his painful speech.

"Chris?" That was one word Buck knew, because Vin said it so often.

"He's gone home Vin. Your Mom and Dad finally got him to go home to get some sleep. Nathan won't even let him back in the hospital until tomorrow morning."

Instead of nodding his understanding like Buck was expecting, Vin's eyes narrowed in concern.

"Coming back?" he asked. Desperation crept into his broken voice. Buck had to pay close attention to understand the raspy words. "Somebody coming back?"

As soon as Buck realized what Vin was asking, he hurried to set him at ease.

"Oh yeah, your Mom is coming back. She should be here in a half hour or less. She just went home with Chris and your Dad so she could drive herself back. She'll be here, don't you worry."

Vin finally nodded his understanding. He relaxed and closed his eyes. Buck was about to breathe out his own sigh of relief when Vin looked up at him again, the same concern on his face again. He stretched a hand across the mattress toward Buck.

"...like having you here too..." he said, as clearly as he could. Buck grinned and put his hand over the compression glove that Vin still wore on his damaged hands.

"Well hell Tiny, that just goes without saying, doesn't it?"

Vin sighed again, but smiled and nodded. He closed his eyes and went to sleep.

Right at that moment, Buck wouldn't have been anywhere else on earth.

M7*M7*M7

_Chris thought he'd hate for the rest of his life the sound of a telephone ringing. From the moment they'd pronounced Vin missing and abducted – and that moment came pretty fast – the police had put a trace on their parents' phones, Chris' phones at home and at work, JD's phones at home and at work__...__ Every shrill ring sent the knife further up Chris' spine until he was sure it was coming out the back of his neck. _

_But for nearly two weeks, the bad guys didn't call. _

_No phone calls to trace, no background noises to decipher, no ransom notes to dust for fingerprints, no demands to the kidnappers to prove that Vin was alive. _

_Nothing. _

_Nothing. _

_Nothing. _

_Until one morning, ten days after Vin disappeared, Chris found a note impaled on his car's antenna. _

"_Ten thousand dollars and we'll tell you where he is." _

_And nothing else. No drop site. No deadlines. No follow up phone call. _

_Two days after that, the phone on Chris' desk at the precinct rang. _

"_Larabee...__"It was getting to sound more and more like a question. _

"_How come you didn't answer the letter?" The voice sounded young and nervous. "We – we – we want t'sell him back to you. Ten thousand's not a lot. How come you didn't answer?" _

_Controlling his breathing and wanting to reach right through the phone and strangle the caller, Chris signaled the detectives near him that something was going down. It was hard to remember all his training. Speak slowly, don't anger them, drag the call out as long as possible so the location could be traced__..._

"_You didn't leave me any contact information." He told the voice. _

"_Oh – yeah – but –" It almost sounded like the voice was going to protest, but then realized what an idiot he was. "Well, what about now? You got ten thousand now?" _

"_Is Vin there? Is he alive?" Rote words that Chris had to separate from himself as he watched the activity around him and listened to the voice. "I want to talk to him." _

_Where was Buck? Buck should be in on this. _

"_No – you give us the money__...__" _

"_How am I even supposed to know if he's alive?" Chris voice began to rise in desperation and volume. One of the other detectives waved him to calm down and he nodded and took a deep breath. "You know we need proof that he's alive." That came out more slowly and calmly. _

"_Well__...__wait a minute." And Chris' heart swelled that he'd be talking to Vin in a few seconds. Instead, the voice called to someone behind him. "Is he alive?" _

_A muttered response, and Chris' heart began to fall as he temper began to rise. _

"_When did you check him last?" the voice went on. Another answer Chris couldn't make out, and even the voice began to sound desperate. "Well, was he alive yesterday? He wants to talk to him__...__" Chris wasn't even aware how bad his hands were shaking or that he'd stood up from his chair, waiting for the next answer. _

"_We gotta go check__...__" the voice offered timidly. It was too much. _

"_WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE TO GO CHECK?" Chris demanded, shouting, ignoring the gestures and whispers of the other detectives again to calm down and regain control. "YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH IF YOU SO MUCH AS PUT A BRUISE ON MY BROTHER I WILL RIP YOUR EYES OUT THROUGH YOUR ASSHOLE DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" _

_Then nothing. _

_No voice, no sound, no dial tone. _

_Nothing. _

_Nothing. _

_Nothing. _

_Chris stared at the phone in his hand, still shaking, wondering what he'd done, knowing that he just killed Vin. The room had fallen silent, and everyone stared at him. He sank heavily into his chair, and covered his eyes with his hands, still holding the phone. He had no idea how long it was before the detective on the trace put his hand on his arm and gently took the phone away. _

"_We got 'em." He told Chris. "Wilmington is already on his way__...__" _

M7*M7*M7

Vin still wore the oxygen mask, though he didn't look as sick as he had some forty-two hours before. The pneumonia was resolving, but he was still on high doses of antibiotics. His eyes seemed to be focused on the television, they'd finally settled on a gardening show as being the only thing they could find that didn't have violence. Including cartoons. They did go past a cooking show, but Vin didn't want to see food that he wasn't allowed to eat yet.

"You can stop...staring...at me." He told Chris, without turning toward him. "...not going anywhere...honest."

Sitting in the chair next to the bed, Chris ducked his head and shrugged.

"Didn't realize I was doing it."

"Well...getting' old...reckon..."

The overbed table was right in front of Vin, with a can of ginger ale positioned so that when he pushed the mask down with the side of his hand, all he had to do was lean forward to sip some through the straw.

"I'll give you 'old'." Chris threatened affectionately. Vin gave him a disinterested look as he let the mask slip back into place.

"Well...I'll wait...I guess...wouldn't want you...hurt yourself..." and he laughed softly at the glare Chris shot him.

"I've got the remote." Chris reminded him. "You could be watching pecan pie and not be able to do a thing about it..." He aimed the little device at the TV. Vin only raised an eyebrow.

"Dare you...remember...channel number...find it...three tries..." There ensued a staring contest that lasted four seconds.

"I give." Chris dropped the remote back into his lap.

"Don't suppose...you recorded...TV while I was...gone?" Vin asked, without too much hope.

"Sorry. I was a little preoccupied." Chris told him, and Vin shrugged. "We can catch 'em in repeats though."

"Yeah..." Vin took another sip of ginger ale. "What do I...look like?" He asked suddenly.

"Look like?"

"Yeah. No mirrors." Vin gestured around the room. "Hurts. Is it...bad?"

"Yeah, it's bad." Chris wondered if he should tell him there was a mirror in the overbed table. "Bruises and swelling on your face. You don't look like you." This seemed to intrigue Vin, rather than disturb him. "Do you really want to see?"

When Vin nodded, Chris stood and maneuvered the attached slide-out mirror from the overbed table.

"There."

Vin leaned forward and stared at himself a long while, not saying anything. Finally he laid back and turned his head away.

"I shouldn't have showed you." Chris muttered.

"No...glad you did..." Vin told him. "Just...put it away?"

"Yep." And Chris maneuvered it back into its slot. "All gone." He waited a moment next to the bed, and Vin turned back.

"Were you worried?" Vin asked. "When I was...gone?"

"Of course I was worried. They never contacted us, we had no idea at all what was going on, what they wanted. Not till that last day –." Chris ended abruptly, remembering that phone call.

"What?"

"They called me, the morning we found you." Chris measured his words as he spoke them. "They were so clueless, they didn't even know if you were still alive. I – well I –." But he couldn't bring himself to tell Vin about it.

"Maintained...stoic cop...demeanor?" Vin prompted.

"Nope, that wouldn't be the one." Chris admitted. Vin appeared to ponder another option.

"Deduced...on sketchy evidence...whereabouts of...helpless victim?"

Instead of answering verbally, Chris took a breath and just shook his head.

"Threatened to...rip him...a new one?" Vin tried and Chris let out the breath all at once.

"That'd be the one."

"Ever hear...people skills?" Vin asked. Chris thought he'd be angry.

"I could've got you killed."

"Naah..." Vin dismissed it that easily. "Saved...my life."

"How the hell do you figure that?"

"Buck told me..." Vin said, and negotiated another sip of pop. "You scared 'em...so bad they...said...they ran and...you traced the...call." He grinned at how slow he could see the wheels turn in Chris' brain. "They ran and...didn't...even...hang up...the phone."

To be continued


	19. Chapter 19

Chris retrieved another blanket from the mobile "linen closet" and tucked it around Vin.

"That better?" he asked. Vin nodded.f

"Yeah, thanks..." he tried to pull it closer to his chin, but his fingers wouldn't grip tight enough to accomplish that. Chris did it for him, then automatically laid the back of his hand against Vin's cheek.

"You're too cold, I don't like that."

"I'm okay Chris, the blanket's helping." He still sounded like the third day of bad laryngitis. It hurt Chris in more than a few ways to hear him.

"Okay, we'll give it a little while." he settled back into the chair.

"Cold as I was the whole time I was in that room, this is warm." Vin offered that up hesitantly, wanting to talk about it, but not wanting to upset Chris. "I kept dreaming that you were there." he added, when Chris leaned forward in his chair to be closer to him. "It was always so real. Then I'd wake up and you weren't there."

"How'd you know it was me then, when I walked into the room?" Chris asked, wondering what kind of answer he'd get. "How'd you know it was really me?"

Vin tugged a little at the blanket and finally looked up to meet Chris' eyes.

"I could smell your aftershave..."

M7*M7*M7

_Chris slammed his truck to a stop in Vin's driveway only seconds before Buck roared up behind him. It was scarcely an hour since Vin's car had been found abandoned on Payne Avenue. Night still hung over the city, no lights shone in the house, and the unlit jack-o'-lantern sitting on the front step smiled a sinister smile into the darkness. Chris' hands shook as he tried to disentangle Vin's house key from all the rest on his key chain. He managed it though, a second before he was set to kick the door in. He threw the door open and hurried in, with Buck just a step behind him. _

"_Vin? Are you here? Answer me! Where the hell are you?" Chris ran upstairs while Buck checked the dark first floor. A few anxious strides took Chris down the small hallway and into Vin's bedroom and he hit the light switch – no Vin. The blankets were thrown back, with his pajamas laying across the pillows and his moccasins waiting on the floor. Chris touched the mattress, but it was cold. He even looked under the bed and in the closet – nothing. _

_He went into the hallway and down to the only other bedroom. Vin used it to store his camping gear and odd garage sale finds. But it was empty too. So was the bathroom. Chris even brought a chair and a lamp to get a look into the crawlspace. _

_Nothing. _

'_Nothing." Buck spat as he came up the staircase. "I checked the cellar too. Doors and windows locked tight from the inside__¼__forensics is on their way." _

_M7*M7*M7_

"_I don't like this." Chris said to Buck as the team from forensics filled the house and fanned out. "It feels like peeping." _

"_I know, but you know we have to check everything. Maybe he was getting threatening letters, or emails." _

"_He would've told me." _

"_I know." Buck repeated. "But we have to check everything." He pulled a sheet of paper out of his jacket pocket and handed it to the forensics officer who'd be examining Vin's computer. "Here, JD told me these are Vin's passwords at work. Don't know if they're the same ones at home__¼__" He turned back to Chris. "Take another look around, see if anything looks out of place__¼__" _

"_Yeah." Chris knew he should be doing that, but he was having a hard time remembering procedure just now. He took a slow walk through the downstairs, front room, dining room, kitchen. Everything looked the same as the last time he'd been there to see Vin, but his brain felt like it was being electrocuted, with sparks and impulses spitting out in every direction, trying to notice or remember anything they might've missed. _

_Two more forensics teams had been dispatched, one to Vin and JD's "office" – a loft in a small building in a not-bad part of town, the other to the do-it-yourself carwash where his car had been found. Off-duty friends had volunteered to guard Vin and Chris' parents, and JD. Their friends had been notified, and warned – Josiah, Nathan, and Ezra. Lists of other friends and business contacts were being compiled to be contacted. _

_Everything that could be done was being done. Everywhere they knew to search was being searched. Every person they could think to contact had been or would be contacted. Still, Chris' mind desperately searched for any little thing they might've missed that would lead them right to Vin. _

_He couldn't come up with anything. _

"_What do you think?" Buck asked. Chris shook his head. _

"_I don't think anything's been touched. This just seems like his usual clutter." It hurt to be here, in Vin's house, with everything in place but Vin. Even with the all the other police officers filling the small rooms, the house felt ominously empty to Chris. _

"_How 'bout going through upstairs again?" _

"_Yeah__¼__" _

_Around him, the forensics team dusted for fingerprints, searched through Vin's mail, listened to his answering machine, hacked into his computer. Chris had to struggle to keep calm as he walked back to the staircase in the front hallway, had to remind himself they were just doing their jobs, trying to find Vin. He wanted them gone. He wanted Vin home. _

_Going upstairs was awful for Chris. How often had he'd been up and down the open staircase and never even glanced at the photographs Vin lined the wall with? He stared at them now, seeing himself reflected in the glass. Most of them were just snapshots from Vin's cheap camera that he'd framed singly or in groups. A few were professionally done family portraits, and more than a few were photographs of Chris and Sarah and Adam. _

_Chris stopped at the top of the stairs, his gaze held by one picture he didn't remember seeing there before. Buck came up behind him. _

"_What is it?" he asked, and Chris pointed to it. _

"_He's got a picture of me and my Dad up here.__"He sounded amazed. Buck put his hands on Chris' shoulders and gave him a hard squeeze. _

"_We'll find him Chris. I swear to God we'll find him." _

"_Yeah." _

_Buck was about to urge Chris to walk through the upstairs again, when one of the officers downstairs called out: "Larabee – you might want to take a look at this.__" _

M7*M7*M7

"Hey – where's mine?" Chris walked into ICU the next morning to find Vin out of bed, sitting in the chair with the overbed table in front of himself. In his hand he held a spoon with a built-up handle that fit over his fist, and he was using it to slowly eat a huge bowl of Jell-O.

"Nah unh." Vin shook his head. "Nonnie got this just for me." The oxygen mask was gone and he looked more alive than he had in four days. Hell, he looked and sounded better than he had since being admitted.

"Nonnie got it for you? Attila got it for you?"

"Don't pick on her, she's nice to me." Vin focused his entire concentration on raising a quivering spoonful of peach Jell-O to his mouth. He accomplished the task without mishap and turned a triumphant smile up to his brother.

"Hmm." Chris huffed. "One dog one bone." Vin could tell Chris was thrilled too that he could do it, so he played along with the fake annoyance.

"Well Chris, I guess it just sucks to be you." Another spoonful made the perilous journey, and Chris took himself a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Oh yeah? Well _I_ had steak for dinner last night with Mary." Chris folded his arms across his chest. "With sweet potato French fries and German chocolate cheesecake for dessert¼" he let that thought hang just a few seconds before adding: "..._with real whipped cream._"

Vin tried to keep the envy off his face, and answered nonchalantly before taking another spoonful of Jell-O.

"I had a beautiful woman give me a bath and put me to bed last night."

But Chris smiled.

"You saying I didn't?" he asked, and Vin nearly spit his Jell-O in surprise.

"No wonder you look so happy this morning. I was gonna say sleeping a couple of nights in a real bed agreed with you¼guess it wasn't the_ bed_ that was doing the agreeing..." But he grinned at Chris over the next unsteady spoonful. "Mary's real nice. I'll be expecting some big news pretty soon."

"You mean Mom didn't tell you?" Chris asked, sounding so absolutely sincere that Vin held his breath. "Yep, I finally decided. Gonna have my driveway resurfaced next week." And the spoonful of Jell-O hit him square in the chest. He laughed and grabbed the napkin off the table. "I ever decide _that _Vin, you'll be the first to know."

"Yeah well, you don't hurry up, I'll marry her myself."

"Right, after she fights off all the nurses and nurses aides you got fluttering around you every second of every day." Chris tossed the napkin into the wastebasket. "Since you're feeling better, there's something I want to talk to you about."

"What?" His tone worried Vin. So did the look on his face.

"Right after you were abducted, forensics went through your house, looking for any clues. They opened your mail and looked at everything on your computer -."

"I bookmarked that site by accident, honest." Vin said. Chris only gave him a look.

"You should've told me." Then he ducked his head and took a breath. "You _could've_ told me Vin. Two hours after we realized you'd been abducted was a hell of a time for me to find out."

"Didn't mean for you to find anything out." Vin pushed the spoon off using the side of his other hand. His mouth was suddenly dry, and his face felt hot. "I was gonna tell you, soon's everything got worked out. Didn't seem like such a big deal to me. I was gonna tell you."

"And in the meantime, you were keeping it all to yourself¼you didn't tell Mom or Jim either I bet."

"You didn't tell them, did you?" Vin asked, nearly panicking. "I wasn't going to say anything to them until¼" But it seemed he didn't have an idea of when he was going to tell his parents.

"No, I didn't tell them¼I wouldn't tell them Vin. You know I wouldn't." He lightly punched Vin's shoulder. "Nothing to be ashamed of you know. Ain't every family on the planet can claim a published poet."

"Not published yet."

"No, I got a look at that email. We're not talking subsidy or vanity press here. I asked Mary – this is a serious publishing house that wants to seriously publish your poetry into a book¼how come you don't look happy?"

"Feel kinda silly¼writing poetry¼" Vin shrugged. "I just write it, it just writes itself sometimes. Not like it's some big deal¼how come _you_ don't look happy now?"

"Because my baby brother is badmouthing himself and his accomplishments. Do you know how many people in the world would give anything to be able to write the way you do? This_ is _something. This _i_s a big deal. I'm really proud of you."

"Thanks." Vin whispered, almost completely overcome with pride himself. "But you're still not getting my Jell-O."

To be continued


	20. Chapter 20

_Chris spent all morning in the squad car, dictating to himself his request for a new partner. All the years he'd known Al, from a little kid when his Dad first partnered with the Irishman, Chris thought the world of him. Now that he was partnered with Aloysius Fitzgerald himself, Chris didn't think he could stand him another second. _

_Even at the Academy, Chris had never been so inundated with procedures, due process, rules and regulations, and maintaining the good image and ideals of the police force. He hadn't watched and listened to his Dad all those years not to know what being a good cop meant, and he meant to be a good cop. He didn't need an old maid aunt harping on the specifics of it every second of every day. _

"_Mom said to ask what you're doing next week for St. Patrick's Day?" _

_Chris hoped to derail the current lecture – the perils and pitfalls of using excessive force. "She's having ham and cabbage." _

"_Oh thank her for me, but we'll be going to my mother's house. My sister and her husband are coming up from Baltimore, and my baby brother is going to finally grace us with a visit__¼__how's that brother of yours doing?" _

"_Good – he's doing real well in school__¼__" Chris was grateful that the conversation had been turned. "He'll be a senior this September, he's looking into colleges now. I can't believe he's that old already." _

"_No matter how old they get Chris – they're always your baby brother. My Will is in his forties now, but I still see the ragged little boy our mother couldn't keep out of rain puddles." _

"_Ha! And I bet 'your Will' likes being called baby brother as much as Vin does. Like he thinks sixteen is as old as old can get." _

_Al laughed, but turned a wise eye on Chris. _

"_Don't be thinking twenty-eight is the end of the ages either, lad. It ain't over till it's over." _

"_Yeah__¼__" Chris waved that off. _

_Al parked behind the precinct house, and they went in to finish their shift and go home. The desk sergeant stopped Chris. _

"_Your Mom just called looking for you. Something happened with your brother and she wants you home right away." _

_M7*M7*M7_

_Siren blaring and lights flashing, the regulations and proper procedure went by the wayside as Al raced Chris to his parents' house. They'd barely pulled to stop before Chris slammed open his door and took the front steps three at a time. _

"_What happened? Where is he?" Mom and Jim were in the kitchen, near the stairs leading upstairs. _

"_I don't know honey." Sera told him. "He came home early from school – he went right up to his room and locked the door. He won't come out, he won't say anything. I tried calling the school, but the Principal wasn't available and the secretary didn't know anything." _

_Chris went up the stairs to Vin's room; the door was locked, but he'd lived in the house long enough to know a few tricks. He gave the knob a sharp twist while pulling back on it and the door popped open. _

"_Vin?" His brother was a thin lump under the blankets on his bed. He even had his head covered. "Vin?" Chris sat on the bed, near the end of the blankets he figured was Vin's head. "What's going on?" _

_To his surprise, Vin threw the blankets back and sat up to grab Chris hard in his arms. He didn't say anything, just pressed himself into Chris' chest. He still had his jacket on. _

"_What happened?" Chris could feel him shaking hard. Something had to be terribly wrong. "Dammit Vin – tell me what's going on?" _

_Vin only shook his head against Chris' jacket and didn't say anything. Jim and Sera stood in the doorway. _

"_C'mon on now Vin__¼__" Chris tried to get him to sit back and look at him, but Vin wouldn't let go. _

"_Okay." Chris held onto him just as tightly, and bent his head down to Vin's. "It's okay Vin." He spoke softly. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know you can. Did something happen at school?" _

_After a hesitation that seemed to last forever, Vin nodded, and his hair brushed against Chris' cheek. _

"_What happened?" No answer, and Chris wondered if they'd be reduced to playing Twenty Questions. _

"_Something happened at school Vin?" _

_Nod. _

"_Did you do something at school?" _

_No answer. _

"_Did somebody else do something at school?" _

_Nod. _

"_Did somebody else at school do something to you?" _

_Another long hesitation. _

_Chris pretty much expected a yes. Vin was as prone to being teased as any other boy at school, and he generally tolerated it well. But he was still a teenager among teenagers, and sometimes these things could get out of hand. _

_Instead of nodding though, Vin pressed against Chris until it felt like he was trying to burrow himself into his brother. His body shook even harder. That worried Chris even more. _

"_Vin? Did one of the kids at school do something to you?" and Vin shook his head. "C'mon Vin, you can tell me. Did one of the kids –." But Vin shook his head again, before Chris could say anything else. "Let me at least finish the__¼__" _

_Chris voice dropped off as he considered the implications of Vin's answer. He cleared his throat and tried to swallow down the anger he could feel building in himself. He leaned down even closer to Vin, and held him tighter in his arms. _

"_Vin – did somebody else at school do something to you?" and for the few seconds it took Vin to answer, Chris could feel his blood pressure go off the scale. _

_Nod. _

"_Okay Vin, that's good." Chris forced the calmness into his voice. "See, you can tell me__¼__" he swallowed again, and brought one hand up to touch Vin's head. _

"_Vin – did a teacher do something to you?" _

_Pause. _

_Nod. _

"_Which teacher was it?" The question almost sounded casual, Chris was trying so hard to stay calm. He felt Vin take a couple of sharp breaths. _

"_Mr. Wickes__¼__" a very small voice answered, muffled against Chris' jacket. _

"_And what did he do Vin?" Chris asked, still casual, knowing it was too much to hope for an easy answer. He could feel Jim and Sera's anxiety, standing at the door, straining to hear every word. But he got no answer. God, he didn't even want to think about the possibilities. "Vin – did he touch you?" _

_Pause. _

_Deep breath. _

_Nod. _

_Swallowing his anger was getting harder for Chris. _

"_Where did he touch you Vin?" but Vin didn't answer. Chris rested his cheek on the top of Vin's head. "You can tell me Vin, you can tell me." _

"_He said nobody would believe me__¼__" the small, muffled voice admitted. _

"_Well, he was wrong." Dead wrong, Chris thought. He waited another minute. _

"_Vin, you can tell me. You know I'll believe you, Mom and your Dad'll believe you Vin. You can tell me." _

"_He – he –." Vin's body jerked with his breathing. Chris just held onto him. "He put his hand__¼__he said I had to see him after class__¼__he said he'd fail me and I'd never get into college if I told anybody__¼__" _

_Chris let him work the story out with the pain. _

"_He – the other boys said stuff about him before – but I never__¼__and he walked up behind me and__¼__there was nobody else there__¼__he grabbed me when I tried to leave__¼__he put his hand – down my jeans__¼__" _

_Jim punched the wall and Chris heard him storm down the stairs, Sera following him. _

"_Then what happened Vin? Can you tell me what happened then?" _

"_I ran away from him. I got my jacket and I ran home." _

"_That's good Vin, that's real good. Thank you for telling me." Chris pressed Vin closer. _

"_I shoulda run sooner - I shoulda listened to what the other boys said." Vin berated himself. _

"_You have nothing to be ashamed of Vin, you didn't do anything wrong. Okay? You believe me?" and Vin nodded. "Okay, okay__¼__I'm gonna have Mom come back up, and Al and Jim and I are going to go have a little talk with Mr. Wickes." _

"_No don't go!" Vin hung on for dear life. _

"_I'll come back, I promise. It won't take long. I'll send Mom back up OK?" Vin shook his head and wouldn't let go. "He can't get away with this Vin. He won't get away with it. Okay?" He waited until Vin nodded, then stood up, letting Vin go slowly. _

_His baby brother looked up at him with wide, frightened eyes. Chris stopped long enough to give him another hug._

"_I promise you Vin – everything will be okay." _

_Chris hurried downstairs to find his mother dialing the phone, Al urging him out the door, and Vin's father nowhere in sight. _

"_Who're you calling? Where's Jim?" _

"_I'm calling the news, the District Attorney, and the school – in that order. Jim left already. He's gone to kill that monster." Chris nodded and headed for the front door. _

"_Don't expect me to stop him." He said. _

"_I expect you to help him." _

_M7*M7*M7_

_Wickes turned out to be a short, wide, bald, math teacher. Chris and Al followed the sound of shouting down the hallway to his classroom to find him already pinned in the corner by Jim Tanner, who had apparently just grabbed him by the throat. A classroom of freshman students stared in fear and fascination from their seats, the principal was threatening Jim with arrest, and the elderly secretary excitedly announced: _

"_Principal Franklin? Channel 7 News is outside and the District Attorney's Office is on the phone__¼__" _

_Al put a hand on Chris' shoulder. _

"_You hang back." He said, and didn't give Chris a chance to answer as he shouted over the noise. "All right! Everybody out! Let us handle this! That means you!" he pointed to the students who shot out like rabbits, and to the secretary who seemed unreasonably gleeful over the proceedings. Chris fumed, knowing Al was going to go by procedures and regulations, when all he wanted to do was rip Wickes in two. _

"_I want that man arrested!" Principal Franklin said, pointing to Jim, who was still throttling Wickes. Al let one hand rest on his holster. The other thumb he jerked toward the door. _

"_You wanna just let us do our job?" _

_The principal sniffed his disdain, but left. Chris expected Al to tell Jim to let go. Instead, he shut the classroom door and leaned against it. He seemed to draw himself up a little, and his body filled the window of the door. For a moment, no one said anything, no one moved. Jim looked from Chris, then to Al. _

_Al just shrugged and folded his arms, and watched Jim give Wickes a wallop that slammed him into the wall. Al still didn't move. _

"_Well aren't you going to do anything?" Wickes sputtered through a bloody lip. "Don't you see what he did?" Al shrugged again. _

"_Nope, I didn't see anything." He moved then to open the door and said loudly, "I'm placing you under arrest for assault of a minor. You have the right to remain silent__¼__" _

_M7*M7*M7_

_When Chris got back to the house, he found his mother in the kitchen. "How is he?" _

"_He's better honey. Jim took him out for a drive and had a good talk with him, they're upstairs now, Vin's gone to bed already, and he didn't want to be alone." _

"_I'll just go up and say goodnight to him then." Chris gave Sera a kiss as he walked past her. "And I'm going to remember that you wanted me to help Jim kill that bastard." _

_Vin had taken a shower and changed into his pajamas even though it was still early. He was sitting up under the blankets with his arms around his knees and his head on his arms. Jim sat on the edge of the bed, one hand firmly gripped around both of Vin's. They both looked up when Chris came in the room. _

"_How're you doin' Vin?" _

"_I'm okay." _

"_Can I sit with you a bit?" _

_Vin nodded and Jim stood up, patting Vin's arm. _

"_I'll be downstairs kid." _

"_Okay Dad." _

_Chris took off his jacket and holster and motioned Vin to move over, so he could sit on the bed next to him, with his back against the headboard._

"_You really okay?" _

_Vin nodded and moved closer. Chris put both arms around Vin and held him. _

"_Dad told me what happened at school." Vin said and pulled his knees up again to huddle against Chris. _

"_Four other students came forward Vin, he'll never touch another kid." Vin nodded and leaned against Chris. "You'll need to give a statement too, tomorrow or the day after. Whenever you can." _

"_I know - Dad told me. He told me - he said - that you and him would help me." _

"_Yep we will. You know we will." Chris felt Vin settle his head just under his chin. _

_Tomorrow, or the day after, Vin would be a regular teenage kid again, and shy away from any sign of affection from his big brother. But tonight, just for tonight, his fear and anxiety made him be just what he was, and would always be to Chris - his baby brother. _

"_I was so scared, I didn't know what to do." _

"_You did the right thing Vin – you told me. Remember, you can always tell me anything. Okay?" And he felt Vin nod. _

"_Okay." _

To be continued


	21. Chapter 21

Vin spent the most agreeable morning of his hospital stay so far, with his CD player earphones on, listening to Beethoven, and his laptop and a can of ginger ale on the overbed table in front of him.

Best of all – he'd been taken off the catheter permanently.

Life was good.

He wished his hands worked better though. He'd never been a whiz at typing, but now his hunt and peck was more like hope and pray. His mind was flying, and his hands were crawling, hitting the wrong key, or too many keys, or the right key too many times.

He kept plugging away.

Right on schedule, Chris walked through his door at 9am.

"Hey, where'd you get the gear?" Vin pulled off the earphones and wrangled with the 'stop' button.

"Dad dropped them off before he went to work this morning. He said he'd take it home at night and bring it back every morning. Least I won't be going stir crazy now."

"You better watch it. You start complaining too much, they're liable to send you home."

"Please God, I wish they would."

Once the CD player was taken care of, Vin turned his attention to saving his work and shutting off his laptop.

"Finally got me off the catheter."

"Thank Heaven for small favors." Chris said and Vin turned a hurt look on him.

"I'll have you know that it was a _big_ favor."

But Chris folded his arms and scowled at him.

"It's a _decent_ favor."

"I've been told that it's a _magnificent_ favor." Vin insisted.

Chris patted him on the arm and said in his most patronizing tone:

"That's all right Vin, it's not the size of the key, it's whether or not it can turn the lock."

Vin laughed and brushed his hand off.

"Dad brought me checkers, wanna play?"

"Sure." Chris looked at his watch. "I got time enough to win a few games before I head over to work."

Now Vin scowled at him, and pointed to the backpack on the chair.

"Game's in there. So.they're letting you back into work finally, hunh? They must be gone then."

"Yeah." Chris turned serious.

"Gotta lot of work backed up?"

"Sort of, I guess. Buck and I are going to try and catch up on some things." he wouldn't look at Vin as he pulled the brand new game out of the backpack. "I expect to be back here by three."

"If it has something to do with me, I wish you'd just tell me." Vin said. Chris set the box on the table, and leaned his arms on the bedrail.

"We're going over notes, old files and cases. See if we can find any link to anybody who might've wanted you hurt. Anybody with a grudge, or anybody I pissed off more than usual."

Vin wanted to joke and say Chris would have to expand his search globally – but he couldn't joke about this. Just thinking about it filled his throat with fear and nausea. He suddenly didn't feel like checkers, or Beethoven, or anything. Chris must've read his thoughts. He gripped Vin's shoulder.

"It'll be okay. We'll get him."

"I know."

"But?" Chris prompted.

"I lived through it once Chris. And it was so horrific that my mind won't let me remember hardly any of it coherently. If you do catch the guy, and it goes to trial.everything that happened to me will become public property. There won't be any place I can get away from it. Reporters and news crews and lunatics sending hate mail and death threats -."

He watched for Chris' reaction.

"You go through the mail that gets sent to me here at the hospital, I know you do. For every dozen get-well notes from people I don't know, I figure there's at least one crackpot wanting me to know I got what I deserved."

Chris squinted and stared down at the bed.

"Same thing happened to me after Sarah and Adam died."

"I remember, that's why I figure it's happening this time.I know that I'm safe and that you'll protect me, I know I'll recover and my life will go on. I just hate the waiting, and not really knowing what I'll go through in the meantime."

"I know. I know how you feel." Chris kept his hand on Vin's shoulder. "It's scary, and it feels like it'll never be okay again. Like nothing will ever be the same again. I wish there was something I could say to you that'd make it all better all at once."

Vin shrugged and shook his head and started to say something before he really knew what he wanted to say.

"I just have to hang on, I know. Take each step as it comes. I know." he let out a deep breath. "I don't feel much like checkers now."

"Me either." Chris agreed. He pulled Vin closer. "It'll be okay." He promised. "It will be okay."

M7*M7*M7

Chris stood in the empty room in ICU. The equipment had been shut off, the bed remade, the floor mopped. Nothing remained of the nearly three weeks Vin had been a patient on this unit, in this room, in this bed. Nothing echoed of the pain, frustration, and tears that had so often filled these walls. He could find no trace of the courage, affection and pride that had even more often been part of Vin's recovery. Everything was quiet, clean, and still.

After several minutes, Chris felt someone come into the small room behind him; he turned to find Joan, one of Vin's nurses.

"Did you forget something?" she asked.

"No, just.thinking." Chris put his hands on the cold railing on the bed. "I remember the night we brought him here. He looked so small in this bed, he looked so vulnerable. I mean – he's my baby brother, I'm supposed to take care of him. I didn't have the slightest clue what to do for him."

"Oh, I don't know Chris." Joan walked around the other side of Chris and smoothed the blanket over the pillow. "From what I saw, you did a pretty good job of taking care of him while he was in here. Even when you weren't actually in the room, anytime he was anxious, or in pain, or restless, we only had to get him talking about you and he'd forget everything else."

"Well I hope you believed only half of the good things – and all of the remarkable things." Chris joked. Her remark warmed him though.

"You have definitely been spending too much time with Buck Wilmington."

"I guess I have." He gestured to the bed. "It was just easier when Vin was little, you know? His Mom died when he was five, or just about five. She was sick his whole life until then so he didn't get a lot of physical affection. I remember, just after I met them – watching Jim was like watching a man with a newborn in his arms for the first time. Not quite sure what to do, where to put his hands, almost afraid any touch would hurt the poor little kid.

"Once they both got the hang of it though, Vin just craved it. Being touched. I couldn't hardly sit down to tie my sneakers without him climbing into my lap or hanging onto my arms. He just loved being held. Especially when he was sick. It didn't matter how bad he was feeling, as long as one of us would sit with him in the rocker, it seemed to make things easier for him. Now -." Chris sighed. "I wish it was still that easy."

"I'm sure every parent feels that way." Joan said, and patted Chris' arm. "And every big brother. Is he getting settled in all right downstairs?"

"Yeah, he's glad to be in a real room finally, with real visiting hours. I think he's scared though too. He won't say anything but - "

"But you can tell." Joan finished for him.

"Yeah." Chris said and smiled at Joan. "I can tell. "

"I wish my kids were as close as you and Vin are. It's nice to see brothers who are best friends."

She turned to leave the room, and pressed a gentle hand against Chris' back.

"C'mon, he must be wondering where you are."

Chris didn't want to leave the room, though he couldn't say exactly why. He'd left Vin downstairs, getting settled into his regular, private room with Mom and a couple of nurses, and he'd wandered to this floor on his way to the cafeteria. But coming here now was more than just habit. It was – security. The place where he'd known Vin was safe and on the mend. The place where the world had less of a chance to intrude.

"It's going to be hard having him in a regular room." Chris said, surprising himself by saying out loud.

"What do you mean?" Joan asked. Chris found he was embarrassed to say.

"Up here – he was sicker. He was more vulnerable, more frail I guess. If he needed me to sit with him and hold his hand, it just seemed more okay to do it here. If holding him while he slept meant he got a better night's sleep, I could do that." Chris took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Now, with him being downstairs, I'll probably still want to do that for him, but maybe."

OK, that thought was just too stupid so he didn't finish it. But it seemed Joan knew what he meant.

"Maybe he won't want you to?"

"That obvious, hunh?" Chris asked. She smiled.

"Just a little. He's still going to need you Chris. Maybe not as much, but he's sure not out of the woods emotionally. He's still going to need you."

"Yeah."

They left the room, and Joan walked with Chris toward the automatic door that led to the hallway.

"I lost my wife and son three years ago in a fire." He said. Joan nodded. Vin must've told her. "He took care of me after that. I lived with him nearly a year. And it was not easy on him, let me tell you. But – he never gave up. He never wavered. He was always there, even when I didn't want him to be." Chris trailed off, remembering all the many moments of anger, depression, and grief Vin had seen him through.

"I mean – I hate what happened to Vin. And I intend to disembowel anybody who had a part in it. But I'm glad I've been able to give something back to him. I feel like I've been just wandering around these past few years. It's nice to be needed again. It's nice to feel needed." He fiddled with the change in his pocket. "I should be going, I told Vin I'd buy him a chocolate milkshake to celebrate his move. Maybe I'll get him a stuffed bear or something too.just to really embarrass him."

He punched the oversized button, and the automatic doors swung open.

"You know, I have heard from all of your friends, and Vin, and your mother what a hard case you can be, Chris Larabee." Joan said. She walked with him into the hallway. "Sometimes I do wonder who they're talking about."

"Me? I'm as sweet as the day is long." Chris said.

Joan answered him seriously.

"Yes you are. Especially when it comes to the people you love." She offered her hand. "Don't be a stranger as long as Vin is in the hospital. Then I never want to see you here again."

Instead of shaking hands though, Chris took her into his arms for a strong and heartfelt hug.

"Thank you for taking care of Vin. And for putting up with me. I expect one was a lot easier than the other."

"Oh yeah, I always hate to have handsome men underfoot. It gets so tedious." She tightened her hold on him. "You take care of yourself too Chris. I know from experience - it's no picnic being the person standing next to the bed either."

Chris felt her shift her stance a little, as though she might let go. He held on a few moments longer, and repeated

"Thank you. More than you know – _thank you_."

"You're welcome Chris." She finally pulled back from him, and leaned up to give him a kiss. "Now go on and get Vin that chocolate milkshake. He deserves it."

"Okay." With a final squeeze of her hand, Chris turned and headed for the elevators. When he turned, he found that Joan had waited in the hallway until he was safely on. He smiled and gave her a final wave as the doors slid closed.

To Be Continued


	22. Chapter 22

Vin felt overwhelmed. He knew he shouldn't. He was on his way to recovering. The doctor promised he'd be home by the end of the month if he kept getting better the way he was. But he'd have to stay with somebody; it'd be awhile before he could live on his own again. He'd need Occupational Therapy for his hands for a long while too. He'd have to get used to maybe never having full use of them again.

He was off the catheter now, but they still kept track of his intake and output. He still had one IV digging into the back of his hand. He was in his own private room finally, and he should be sleeping, but it seemed every half hour another nurse came in for another reason. They even woke him up a little while ago so he could take a pain killer. That just didn't make any sense.

The room was dark and the night was chilly, and a blustery wind blew heavy snow past his window. He knew that he had his parents, and six friends and more out there, in the night, in the darkness. Hell, he had one good friend and brother sitting right there next to the bed, right now, with the chair turned a little so he could watch out the window too. Chris hadn't been farther away than a shout since they found Vin beaten near to death nearly three weeks ago. He was here now.

Vin was tired, worn out, and frustrated - and he felt safe and cared for. The combination was just too much. At first his eyes filled with tears, and he blinked them away while trying to keep his breathing even and regular. He very nearly got himself calmed down and relaxed, when Chris turned to him.

"It'll be nice to have you at the house when they let you outta here. Holidays coming on, gets kinda lonely."

Then he turned back to the window and Vin stared at his silhouette a minute or so. He could feel himself trembling with all the emotion he'd been trying to hold back just now. It was a remark, just a simple remark. Why was it having this effect on him?

First one, then another sob broke from Vin. He didn't want Chris to see. Laying on his side, he buried his face in the pillow and tried his hardest not to cry. He was okay, he was okay. He knew he was okay. But the knowing just made him cry harder.

In just a second or two, Vin heard the bedrail slide down, and felt the mattress shift as Chris sat beside him. He didn't shush Vin, didn't say anything at all. He just put both hands on Vin's shoulders and kept them there, lightly working his fingers into the tense muscles.

Crying hurt Vin's throat, and he thought he'd never speak normally again. It hurt his cracked ribs, it made his head pound, and it made him feel childish. But he was grateful for Chris being there.

And that made him cry harder.

Finally, just from exhaustion, his crying eased, and he had to turn his face out of the pillow to be able to breathe. He scrubbed at his eyes with the sleeve of his pajamas and wiped his nose and coughed a little. He didn't know what to say, or if he should say anything.

Chris seemed to study him a second or two, then offered him the glass of ice water from the overbed table. Vin pushed himself up a little on his arm and let Chris hold the glass while he sipped through the bendy straw.

"You okay?" Chris finally asked, as he set the cup back.

"Yeah." Vin answered resignedly as he settled back into the pillow. In addition to his rough voice, now he sounded congested. "Just –." And the tears threatened again. "- tired." He said honestly.

"Well, if the damned nurses would give you half a minute to yourself, you might actually get some sleep." Chris pulled the blanket up over Vin's shoulders and studied him again. "You okay?"

"Just wanna go home. I want this to all be over. Tired -." Tired of being poked and stuck and examined, talked down to and talked around, tired of overworked nurses and perky nursing aides, tired of bland food and not looking forward to requisite walks around the nursing unit. Tired tired tired. "- just tired."

"We'll get you home soon Vin."

"Promise?" Vin couldn't help it. He was down to nothing emotionally. "Please?"

And Chris put his warm, sturdy hand over Vin's cold, fragile ones.

"I promise."

M7*M7*M7

_Standing staring the burned out shell of his life, Chris played the scenes in his head one more time. _

_The scene that had happened - he'd driven as close to the fire scene as he could, a block and a half away, and then run all the rest of the way to where eager flames chewed through the roof and walls of his home. _

_The scene that hadn't happened: Sarah running to him with Adam in her arms, faces and clothing darkened with soot. But alive. _

_The scene that had happened: Buck holding him back from running into the fire, each man violently struggling in opposite directions. _

_The scene that hadn't happened: hugging his family, thanking God that they were safe. Knowing that he hadn't lost anything because he hadn't lost them. _

_The scene that had happened: Sarah - seconds away from safety at her bedroom window - had gone back into the smoke and flames to search for Adam. Her body was found in Adam's bedroom. Adam's body was found curled under the remains of his parents' bed. _

"_Chris?" _

_Vin stood a little bit away from his brother on the sidewalk in front of the house. He could see that Chris' mind had wandered back to that day. "Chris - it's been five weeks. You know if you don't do it soon, the city'll do it for you and probably charge you double." _

"_I won't tear it down." _

_Chris was too thin, he hardly ate anything these days. But he'd take more than an occasional drink. Vin knew he'd already been drinking this morning. _

"_My whole life was here. I won't tear it down." _

"_You can't rebuild it Chris. Everybody you've had look at it tells you the same thing. It's unsound." _

"_Then I'll leave it the way it is." Chris snarled at him. "I bought this house for Sarah and I won't tear it down." _

"_Oh yeah, Sarah'd like that." Vin knew he was advancing into a minefield. "Some burned out monument, blue tarp wherever there used to be roof. Birds and squirrels will get in first, then the neighborhood kids will start using it until finally one day -." _

"_Shut up!" Chris shoved him. Vin kept on, raising his voice to shout. _

"_**Until one day it burns down again and somebody else's kid dies.**__ Yeah, Sarah'd like that a lot." _

"_Shut up." Chris said again. "You don't know anything." He dropped his voice as his eyes ran over the tatters of his life. "It's all I have left." _

_He pulled a small bottle of alcohol out of his jacket pocket. He tilted it back for a long swallow. Vin couldn't stand it. _

"_Yeah, your __**Dad**__ would be real proud of that." _

_Chris dropped the bottle and gave Vin another, harder shove. _

"_You shut up about my Dad!"_

_Vin kept his feet and advanced fast on Chris, to give him an equally forceful shove. _

"_Then you shut up about my brother! I don't know who the hell you are, but you don't know anything about him. He's not afraid of anything and you shut up saying he is!" _

_It was a plainly absurd argument, and Chris had no immediate answer to it. He drew the back of his hand across his mouth, and turned away. _

"_I hate to disappoint you Vin." his voice was very soft. "But right now your big brother is scared to death." _

_Vin walked up to him and put his hand under Chris' elbow. _

"_You're scared 'cause you're trying to go through this alone. You come home with me, let me take care of you." He could feel Chris start to pull away, and he tightened his grip. "It's gonna be a hard walk Chris - seems like the road to hell is wide enough for two." _

M7*M7*M7

"Vin -."

"I don't want to."

"Just to the door and back."

"No."

Chris reclaimed his seat on the edge of the hospital bed. Vin sat in the chair next to the bed, firmly refusing to walk.

"Just across the room and back Vin. You have to start walking again sometime."

"I will." Vin insisted. "Just - not now."

"Why not? You seemed pretty excited yesterday when we talked about it. Even got you dressed in real clothes just for the occasion."

Chris tried to keep his voice light. Yesterday, after they'd moved Vin from ICU to a regular private room, Nathan said it was time Vin started walking again, and Vin readily agreed. This morning Mom had brought in some of Vin's clothes, so that he'd feel more like he was getting better and less like a long-term hospital patient.

So now he sat, in jeans and mocassins, and a long sleeved t-shirt that Mom had altered with Velcro up one side and sleeve to accommodate putting it on over the IV.

"Do you know how long it's been since I walked at all?" Vin asked. "Except for once when I tried to run out of that house, it's been five weeks since I walked even a step. What if I can't do it?"

"Well hell, of course you're not going to be able to do it." Chris told him very seriously. "Just across this room is gonna be the longest walk you ever took. But if you ever want to walk anywhere Vin - you have to start somewhere. You have to start here."

"I can't." Vin's voice shook. "I don't want to walk anywhere. I don't want to get better and go back out there in the world. I keep trying to picture having my life back and I just can't do it Chris. I'll be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life, wondering when I'm gonna get hurt again, wondering every time we say goodbye if I'll ever see you again. I'll never be able to just sit and relax and feel normal again and it all starts with taking a walk across this room."

He was scared, and Chris could sure understand that. There would be no sense in denying anything Vin had said because it was true. Taking his life back would be terrifying. But Chris also knew that while the fear would be there a while - it wouldn't last forever. Chris crossed his arms against his chest and shook his head.

"I don't recognize the man you've just described to me." he said. "The brother I know has faced what most people tell me is the scariest thing they can imagine." he paused briefly and bit down on the smile forming at the corners of his mouth. "_Me_, in a bad mood. If you ain't scared of that Vin, you can't be scared of anything."

Vin pondered his words a minute, the look on his face changing from puzzlement to understanding to annoyance.

"You don't play fair."

" Wonder where I learned that from?" Chris slid off the bed and stood in front of Vin. He held out his hands. "C'mon, it's gonna be hell and I've been told that road is big enough for two."

To Be Continued


	23. Chapter 23

The hallway seemed really hot and really long. Chris kept asking Vin if he wanted to stop, wanted to sit down, wanted to catch his breath. But Vin seemed to be pushing himself toward some unnamed goal and wouldn't be stopped. First they could hardly get him to even _want_ to walk, now they couldn't stop him.

"Vin, how far are you going?" Chris walked close beside him, ready and expecting to have to catch him when he fell.

"Far as I have to."

"Far as you have to what? This isn't a contest. Nobody's chasing you. You're sweating and you're breathing hard. You _can_ take a rest you know. It_ is_ allowed."

"Just to the end of this hall." Vin turned down the hallway that led to the back elevator. One hand dragged the IV pole with. "I just want to feel like I made it somewhere."

"Okay." Chris agreed reluctantly. He'd make Vin rest at the end of this hallway. But Vin started to slow down all on his own and Chris put his hand on his shoulder. "You wanna turn back?"

But Vin wasn't ready to concede defeat.

"No, not yet."

"Okay."

He kept his hand on Vin's shoulder. They were just up to the elevator when the doors swished open. Chris was so intent on Vin that the sudden noise and movement startled him, and he automatically moved to stand in front of Vin. He was relieved and embarrassed when Nathan stepped out.

Nathan only gave Vin a cursory glance.

"_You_. Back in bed. In five minutes. Or I will _not_ be happy."

With that, he kept going to the main hallway. Chris shook his head, then turned back to Vin, who was staring down at something.

"Vin? You okay?" he asked. Vin nodded. And when he lifted his head, he brought his free hand up as well. When Nathan surprised them, Chris had unconsciously taken Vin's hand into his own. He still held it.

"I was just trying to remember the last time you held my hand to walk with me." Vin said.

M7*M7*M7

_A hot, dark night. Chris edged his car along the snail's pace traffic jam down Main Street. _

_"Stupid." he muttered to himself. "Forgot about the Art Festival this weekend." _

_"What?" a sleepy voice asked. Vin was sleeping in the front seat next to him. They were coming back from the Larabee family picnic. It was late at night, but the Art Festival was still going strong, and they were stuck in the traffic jam to prove it. _

_"Traffic's backed up, that's all. Don't worry, I'll find us a short cut." _

_"Are Mom and Dad behind us still?" Vin asked. Chris automatically checked his rear view mirror, even though he knew the answer. _

_"No, they turned off a couple of streets back. Mom said she needed to stop at Wegmans for something." and Vin mumbled something that sounded like understanding, but Chris couldn't be sure. As they crawled along, a car length every minute, Chris' mind searched the surrounding streets for a short cut. Even a long cut. Anything that would keep them moving. Thank God the car had air conditioning. _

_They finally got to the intersection, about ten minutes later. Chris turned, finally, gratefully, going faster than a mile an hour. The side streets he'd been hoping to take though were barricaded for the festival as well, so he drove on, down a one-way street, into unfamiliar territory. _

_"Oh boy, this is not good." The upscale neighborhood he'd left less than a dozen blocks behind, had turned into graffiti pocked buildings, broken windows, boarded up storefronts and vacant cars. Knots of men stood on the corners, or on front lawns, their eyes searching the unfamiliar car and apparently lone passenger. _

_"Vin!" Chris said loudly, shaking his brother hard to wake him up fast. At least the windows were rolled up. "Is your door locked?" Vin was only eleven, but Chris figured two males of any age in the car were better than one. He waited impatiently for an answer. "Dammit - is your door locked?" _

_"Yeah." Vin reached over anyway and tapped the button. "Why? What? What's going on?" _

_"Nothing." Chris didn't want to scare Vin, but he knew his voice betrayed him. "Don't look out your window. Just look straight ahead. Don't look at anybody." _

_"Chris - ?" _

_"Nothing. I was trying to take a short cut and I got us in the wrong part of town. But Main Street is behind us, so Elmwood has got to be in front of us. Just - just - don't worry." _

_Great, why'd he ever choose college first over the police Academy? If he'd joined up right outta high school, he'd know what to do here. At the very least, he'd have a gun. _

_"It can't be far Vin. Don't worry." _

_He rolled through a stop sign, afraid to come to a complete halt. There seemed to be less people out on the street this far down, so they had to be getting close to Elmwood and civilization. Chris breathed a sigh of relief. _

_Then the car coughed once and sputtered out, leaving just enough forward momentum for Chris to guide it to the curb. _

_"What the hell is this? What - dammit - what -." He turned the key in the ignition, but all he got out of the car was an aggrieved whine. "C'mon! C'mon dammit. We can't sit here." He kept trying to start it. _

_"You're gonna flood it." Vin offered. _

_"Thanks for the update." Chris snapped. He was sorry as soon as he said it, but he was too worried to apologize at the moment. He tried a couple more times, but it was hopeless. He took a deep breath. "We're gonna have to walk." _

_In the relative light of the closest street lamp, he could see Vin's eyes go wide in fear. But he only nodded, "Okay." and kept his eyes on Chris, as though waiting for instructions. _

_"Okay." Chris tried to think of a plan, other than run like hell. The best he could come up with was 'show no fear'. "Okay - come out this side of the car, come out with me. Just - just stay with me, okay?" _

_"Y-y-yeah." _

_Chris opened his door and got out fast, looking all around himself for any possible danger. Vin slid out then and stood practically on top of his brother. Chris shut the door as quietly as he could. He put his keys and his wallet in his front pocket and told Vin to do the same. _

_"C'mon, it can't be far. We'll be okay. We'll just keep staying close to the streetlights. C'mon." _

_They took a few steps, and Chris weighed the option of walking in the street, or walking on the sidewalk. Walking on the street left them too close to dark parked cars, choosing the sidewalk left them too close to dark front yards. Chris chose the street. _

_"Take my hand." he told Vin, and the eleven-year looked at him with horror. Chris was in no mood for his juvenile pride. "Take my hand! I am not losing you in this neighborhood!" He grabbed Vin's hand before he'd hardly offered it and started down the middle of the street. _

_"Grandma says when you're lost, you should say a prayer." Vin said after awhile. He was a little out of breath with the pace Chris was keeping. _

_"Well, that sounds like a good idea." Chris told him, and thought maybe they should be praying to St. Jude for hopeless cases. _

_"You say you're lost?" _

_A strange voice took Chris by surprise. He turned to where he thought it'd come from, automatically dragging Vin a little ways behind himself. Across the street, on the edge of light from the street lamp, he saw someone standing up from the front stairs of a small house. Chris was so scared, he thought his heart would seize up and die right there. _

_But as the person came closer, he could see that it was only a boy, a teenage boy, fifteen or sixteen maybe. He was black, and walked with a casual stride over to the two brothers. _

_"You lost?" he asked again. "Been happening a lot since they enlarged the festival this year and took over more streets. People trying to find a short cut and end up here." He paused, and Chris knew he was supposed to say something, but nothing came to mind. _

_"Our car broke down." Vin said, taking a step or two out from behind Chris. He was keeping hold of Chris' hand, but Chris could feel that he was making sure those hands were out of the teenage boy's sight. _

_"You need to use a phone or something? I live right here." He pointed to the house he had just come from. "My name's Nathan, Nathan Jackson." _

_"I'm Chris." Thankful that something had finally occurred to him to say. "Larabee. This is my brother Vin. I thought we'd be getting to Elmwood this way." He hoped he didn't sound scared; he wanted to sound as if this was no big deal to him. _

_"Nah, you're six blocks away from Elmwood here, this is the part of town where it angles up and away from being parallel to Main Street." Nathan gestured down the dark street. "You live nearby? I could drive you." _

_"Oh no, we couldn't put you out." Chris thought that came out casual enough. _

_The boy shrugged. _

_"I gotta meet my Dad down at the festival at midnight to help him close up his booth. Other than that, if you live nearby, I can drive you." _

_Chris was about to decline once more, when Vin spoke up again. _

_"Your Dad sells stuff at the Festival?" _

_Clearly outside the realm of his possibility. _

_"Yeah, he does leather work." Nathan Jackson was clearly proud of his father. "Mostly western things, reins and bridles for horses, purses that look like saddle bags, things like that." _

_"Wow - I went riding on a horse before." _

_"So did I, once. A few years ago." _

_As the two boys shared their horseback riding experiences, Chris began to feel like an idiot for having been so afraid. Well, maybe truthfully, for being more than a little prejudiced. This boy that he'd been afraid of two minutes ago was only a boy, sitting on his porch, in his neighborhood, offering help to strangers. _

_He looked around the neighborhood again, quiet homes with tidy yards, good cars in paved driveways. People no doubt had their windows open and he could hear televisions and newscasters. Somewhere, someone was listening to jazz. _

_Yep, he was feeling really stupid just now. _

_"If we could use a phone? I don't have my cell phone with me, but my Mom has hers. She was gonna stop at the Wegman's on Elmwood and Grant." _

_"Sure, come on." Nathan turned to lead them back to his house. Vin stepped fully out from behind Chris and smiled up at him. Chris squeezed his hand one more time before letting it go. _

M7*M7*M7

Chris looked down at the fragile hand in his own. "It's been awhile." He said. "It certainly has been awhile."

To Be Continued


	24. Chapter 24

A terribly insistent ringing nagged Vin out of a perfectly good afternoon nap. He turned onto his side and blindly reached over and under and finally through the railing of his hospital bed to get the phone before it could ring anymore. He balanced it in his unsteady hand.

"Yeah?" Even if he'd been fully awake, the croaked word would've been barely intelligible.

"Tiny? It's me, Buck. Let me talk to Chris." It sounded serious.

"'Kay." Without looking back, Vin patted the bed behind himself with the phone. "Chris? Phone. S'Buck. Chris?" Getting no answer, he opened his eyes and looked around. He was alone. "Buck? He's not here. Call back later." he moved to hang the phone back up.

"WAIT! Vin!" Buck shouted.

"What?" Vin asked, clearly annoyed.

"Are you sure he's not there? I have to talk to him. Vin – something bad happened."

This brought Vin instantly awake.

"What? What happened? Is Chris OK? Mom and Dad? Buck – what happened?"

"Your Mom and Dad are OK Vin. Nothing happened to Chris. It's just – there was a fire just down the block from the station here. A little kid playing with matches.Chris was Driving by and tried to get in to save him.but the little boy died.Vin – Chris left work and said he was gonna come see you. Are you sure he's not – I don't know – in the bathroom, or out in the hallway or something?" Desperate to locate Chris. "He was in a real bad way when he left here.he said he was going to see you."

"I'll look Buck, I'll look around here. Maybe he went to see Mom or Dad? Maybe – maybe he went to the cemetery. Visit Sarah and Adam?"

"I'll check, Tiny. You check there and let me know."

"I will."

It took some doing, but Vin got the rail down and himself up and out of bed. Getting his moccasins on his feet was easy enough; pulling his robe on took a little more effort with his uncooperative hands. Finally, he got his good arm through a sleeve. The other sleeve wouldn't go over his IV line, so he just pulled the robe over that shoulder. Then he went in search of his brother.

He didn't have to go far. Two doors down, in the patient lounge at the end of the hallway, he found his brother sitting on the sofa, with his head in his hands.

Three years before, Chris'd lost his own wife and son in a fire. Vin couldn't imagine what he must be going through now. Even though Chris probably didn't know the kid who died today, Vin figured he'd probably be wondering if he'd ever seen him on the street, or maybe even said 'hi' to him in passing.

He knew Chris would be killing himself for not being to save that little boy, or his own.

What could Vin do? What could he say?

M7*M7*M7

"_Hey Al! You were sitting in that exact spot when I left here last year." Chris' greeting echoed down the precinct hallway to where Vin waited on a hard, empty bench. _

"_And what are you doing here Larabee? Slumming? Or decided the 16th just couldn't do without you?" The desk sergeant asked, smiling. _

"_Came looking for my baby brother__.__got a call that he was in a traffic tangle?" _

_Aloysius Fitzgerald cocked an eyebrow and lowered his voice. _

"_You know we wouldn't a'bothered except the younguns are related to brother officers. Rather put the fear of God into 'em now than wait 'till they could cause you some real trouble." _

"_I appreciate it Al. What was it they did exactly?" _

"_Drag racing with a couple other idiots__.__ Went through a stop sign. Wilmington already came and took his little one home. Dragged him out by the ear. You're brother's eighteen now, isn't he? He ought to know better. If it'd been up to me, I'd toss 'em both in the hoosegow for a day or two." _

"_By the time Mom gets through with him, he'll wish you'd kept him in jail__.__ thanks Al. I can take him home?" _

"_Be my guest." _

_Vin didn't look up, but when the conversation ended he knew Chris was coming to get him. He felt stupid, he knew he'd done something stupid. Mom and Dad would yell at him. Chris would yell at him. Maybe he even wrecked starting college next month somehow. He knew he did something stupid. He didn't want to have to talk about it for the rest of his life. _

_So Chris walked over to him. But he didn't say anything. He just sat down on the bench next to Vin, so close that his arm pressed against Vin's arm. And they stayed that way for awhile. Gradually Vin let himself lean into that physical and unspoken support. Maybe his life wasn't over. _

_Finally, Chris put an arm around him and gave him a light squeeze. _

"_I'm glad you're OK." _

M7*M7*M7

Slowly, making sure his mobile IV pole kept pace with him, Vin went into the lounge and sat next to Chris, so close that his good arm pressed into Chris' arm. At first, Chris didn't lift his head. But gradually Vin felt him lean into the support. He put his arm around Chris, hugged him as hard as he could and whispered:

"I'm glad you're OK."

M7*M7*M7

"_Chris -." _

"_I can still hear them." _

"_I know – here__.__" _

"_I can't make it stop."_

"_Chris -." _

"_Nothing drowns it out, no matter how loud I turn up the radio or the TV, or if I try to read or just sit and do nothing I keep hearing the sirens and seeing the windows blow out__.__" _

"_I know – here, you take this. It'll help you go back to sleep." _

"_I don't want to go back to sleep." _

"_You won't dream Chris, this keeps you from dreaming." _

"_They're nightmares, not dreams." _

"_I know. You take this pill and get off the floor and get back in bed. You'll sleep. You won't dream. You won't have nightmares." _

"_Can you make it stop Vin? You'll make it stop, won't you?" _

"_I'll make it stop Chris. You take this pill and we'll go on downstairs and put in a movie, and you'll fall asleep and you won't have anymore nightmares." _

"_But if I fall asleep__.__Vin what if I fall asleep and can't wake up and it comes back?"_

"_You just call me Chris, even if it's in your nightmare, you call me and I'll be there and I'll make it stop. I give you my word Chris. Nobody and nothing touches my brother." _

M7*M7*M7

"Vin -."

"You're thinking about it Chris, don't tell me you're not."

"I'll take something when I get home that'll help me sleep."

"That's not gonna make it stop."

"I know.I keep smelling the smoke, seeing the flames eat away the corners of the house.it pushed me back outside and I couldn't get to him."

"I know."

"I threw up."

"I know."

"You need to sleep Vin. I'll just go home and take something. I'll be all right."

"You'll be all right when I say you're all right and not a minute sooner. C'mon, we'll go to the dayroom, where we can each have a couch and catch a movie or something."

"It's the middle of the night."

"Right, so nobody'll bother us."

"Nathan won't like me keeping you up all hours."

"Nathan can bite me."

"Vin, if I make you sicker, Nathan won't let me stay."

"Then I won't stay Chris. You think I'm just gonna let you waltz outta here all by your lonesome, telling me you'll be all right when you got guilt the size of Aunt Betty's Buick sitting on you? You think the Dutchman's a goose?"

"Well, you had me right up until that last part."

"C'mon, I know for a fact there's a Godzilla Marathon on."

"Vin -."

"Don't even say it Chris. You know nothing and nobody touches my brother."

To be continued


	25. Chapter 25

Dawn was peeking into Vin's hospital room when he opened his eyes. With the door to the hallway shut, the room was gray and silent. He reached up and tugged the bit of wood tied to the overbed light chain, squinting as the brightness hit his eyes. He needed to use the bathroom and was in no humor to ring and wait for a nurse to come help him. Instead, he wrangled the side rail down, got himself up and over to the bathroom. He accomplished his mission without mishap and walked back to the bed, wheeling his IV pole with him.

Instead of getting back into bed, he stopped to look out the window. In the increasing daylight, he made out a lone, but familiar vehicle in the overflow parking lot across the street. And a lone but familiar figure sitting on the hood.

Two days before, Nathan had unequivocally banned Chris from the hospital outside of normal visiting hours. He said it was for Chris' own good; he needed to sleep, he needed to eat, he needed to have a life again.

Well, so much for that.

Vin got the hospital phone and pulled it over to the window, stretching the cord over the chair. He laid the phone on its back in the palm of one hand, and dialed Chris' cell phone by pushing the numbers up into the forefinger of his other hand.

"Larabee." came a tired, resigned voice after two rings.

"So - what's going on?" Vin asked.

"Just sitting." Vin could almost see him shrugging over the phone.

"Well, if you come inside you could buy me some Jell-O."

"What?" Chris asked. He obviously didn't know Vin could see him.

"Look up." Vin told him, and when he saw the head lift, he pressed his hand against the glass. Chris returned the gesture. "C'mon, I'll meet you in the lobby Chris. We can go to the cafeteria and sit awhile."

"Okay."

Vin got his moccasins on, got his robe over one arm and wheeled his IV out to the hallway.

"Goin' for a walk." he told the nurse at the med cart behind the counter. She nodded, filling tiny paper cups with medicine for morning rounds.

Ten rooms past the nurses' station, Vin turned left down the hallway that led to the back elevator. Three minutes later, he walked down the hallway that led to the lobby. A soft whistle made him turn; Chris was coming from the other direction.

"Came in through the ER, less hassle that way." His eyes were ringed dark with exhaustion. "Is the cafeteria open now? If not, I got plenty of change for the vending machines. You okay walking? I'll get you a wheelchair if you want. How'd you get off the unit?"

"No, I'm good." It hurt Vin as much as it pleased him how obviously happy Chris was to be with him - he didn't usually talk that much. "I just took the back won't know I'm gone for another hour. C'mon, I can use some Jell-O."

The cafeteria was just humming to life for the morning shift. "You call that breakfast?" Vin asked of Chris' choice of black coffee and nothing else.

"What about you?" pointing to the Jell-O.

"I get breakfast at 7:45, this is just an appetizer."

"More like mainlining sugar." Chris said, but took a breakfast bagel sandwich and a container of orange juice as well. He carried the tray to the table, pulled a chair out for Vin and made sure he was situated okay before sitting down himself. "So, how they been treating you while I've been away?"

"Okay, just wish I could be rid of this IV." Vin shrugged. "Guess you haven't been getting anymore sleep like you were supposed to be doing?"

That fire, and that boy's death, was on every news show, and that couldn't be doing Chris any good, reminding him of Adam. Worse, Sarah's birthday was November, just before Thanksgiving. Chris hesitated briefly before taking the first bite of his sandwich.

"This time of year always sucks."

"Yeah, I know." Vin agreed quietly. "Holiday season shouldn't hurt that bad, always does though.didn't mean to add to it."

"Yeah, next time you're abducted, could you schedule it for August, when nothing is going on?" Chris gave Vin an amused look that told him he had nothing to be sorry for.

"Naah, August isn't any good. We'd be into Labor Day by now." Vin ate some Jell-O, awkwardly keeping hold of the spoon in nerveless fingers. "I'd be spoiling the picnic."

"True.how about right after the Fourth of July?"

"That'd be OK as long as I don't get pneumonia again. Otherwise we're right back at Labor Day."

"Hmm." Chris considered it as he ate his breakfast. "Right after Memorial Day would be okay if it didn't cut into the Fourth."

"Nope, wouldn't work. Can't miss Father's Day." Vin pointed out, sounding as serious as if he was planning a business trip. "And if Easter came too late, it'd run over Mother's Day."

Chris appeared to be giving it his utmost consideration.

"Yeah, Mom wouldn't like anything cutting into Mother's Day. Lent would be okay I suppose, but I never know when that's going to be year to year. Anything earlier than that gets us on the tail end of the holidays and we've already decided that's no good." Chris sighed and shrugged as though he'd come to an unpleasant decision. "Well, that's it then. You can't be abducted again, it has impossible scheduling conflicts."

Then he grinned, and for a moment the emotional pain and physical exhaustion left his face, and Vin was grateful more than he could say that he'd been able to lift Chris' gloom. He grinned too.

"Darn. Oh well. If I can't, I can't. I'll have to live with it I guess." He took another shaky spoonful of Jell-O. "Umm.Chris.I was wondering.?"

"What?" Chris was instantly worried.

"Well.I know I'm safe here and everything. I know nobody should be able to get in, but -." The morning crowd had begun to filter in to the cafeteria and Vin watched them go by. "I mean – you came in through the ER with no problem. And whoever did this to start with has got a lot of time and money and – and – would you start staying with me at night again? You don't have to you know." He hastened to add. "Just – it gets dark and it gets quiet and that was always when the worst things happened to me at that house. I just – need you to stay with me."

He was lying, he'd slept fine without Chris these two past nights, and if Chris had been getting just as much sleep, Vin never would've introduced the deception. But Chris wasn't sleeping, he was hurting, and he'd never think to ask for help.

"I'll stay with you." Chris said, immediately and firmly.

Vin nodded.

"I appreciate it Chris." Vin felt genuine tears and gratitude filling him. Chris'd been his wall of safety and comfort for a month now, and Vin was determined to offer that back. 'Preciate you looking out for me."

M7*M7*M7

Buck took a deep breath before going into the private hospital room. This wasn't going to be easy. He pushed open the door and found Chris in his customary place - the chair next to the bed. Only right now, the bed was empty, and Chris' head hung down on his chest. He was most definitely dozing, if not outright sleeping. Buck walked around the bed.

"Hey, Chris?" He softly shook him. Larabee's head came up immediately, his eyes shot to the bed.

"What? Where's Vin? What happened?" he tried to get to his feet.

"Calm down, stay where y'are." Buck said. "I hear the sink - my guess is Tiny is in the bathroom."

"Oh - oh -" As the information sunk in, Chris relaxed. "What's going on?" He unsuccessfully tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

"What's going on Pard is that you're going down to the cafeteria for a real dinner - now hear me out." He had to insist, as Chris automatically refused. "You hardly been out of this room for five days. Hell, Tiny's been outta the room more'n you have."

"I can eat in here." Chris looked around the chair for the newspaper that had been in his hand a few minutes before. "I'm not leaving."

"Chris -" Buck set himself heavily onto the bed. "You're exhausted. Your eyes are blacker than Vin's. You can't survive on no sleep and fast food."

"I'm not leaving." Chris finally snagged the elusive newspaper. "I can sleep in the chair and it's not all fast food. You give me a real reason I should leave."

"Because Pard -" Buck's voice got low and softer. "It's Thanksgiving."

Chris stared up at him in utter disbelief. Buck went on.

"Jim and Sera are down there. All the guys rearranged their schedules. We all left our homes and dinners and girlfriends to come here. We each brought something from our own spread to share. To share with you Chris, and with Tiny if he's up to it. Otherwise, I'll stay with him while you go down for an hour and eat a real dinner for the first time in two weeks."

"Oh Lord - I didn't even realize." Chris said. More information seeped into his brain. "All of you? You're all downstairs? You're all here?" His eyes suddenly filled with tears. "I completely forgot about it."

"Well, you've had a lot on your mind." Buck gently reminded him. "So, we did your rememberin' for you." He patted Chris' shoulder and stood up to look out the window, giving his friend a chance to calm down and wake up.

After another minute, the bathroom door opened and Vin came out. The black eyes and battered face still looked horrendous. But he was ambulatory, and down to one IV. Buck saw the look he gave though - first to Chris to verify he was still there, to Buck to register friend or foe, and to the door to the hallway behind himself, gauging how close or far escape was. All within few seconds, then he relaxed.

"Hey Buck. Didn't hear you out here." His voice had hardly begun to come back from the strained croak of three weeks before. He looked from one man to the other again. "What's wrong?"

"I was just trying to send Chris to the cafeteria for dinner." Buck told him. "It's Thanksgiving, gang's all here. If you're feeling up to it, I'm on special orders to bring you too. if we can sneak you past the sentry nurses."

The fear that was too familiar an expression came over Vin. But for only a moment. Then his blue eyes flashed in his mottled face. "I'm s'posed to walk around you know. C'mon with me, I'll show you where the secret elevator is."

To be continued


	26. Chapter 26

Chris woke up with a nagging feeling to call the hospital and check on Vin. He tried to ignore it – if anything had happened, somebody would've called. But the feeling grew until he found himself heading for the phone with his toothbrush in his hand. He knew the switchboard didn't put calls through to patients' rooms this early in the morning and, thanks to Buck, he had the direct number to the nurses' desk on Vin's floor.

"Hi, this is Detective Chris Larabee." Never hurt to start right in with the big guns. "I just wanted to check on my brother, Vin Tanner, room -."

"Oh, Detective Larabee." a cheerful voice cut him off. "He's fine. Your parents are here, and your Dad's been sitting with him for a while. He's calmed down now, so we're holding off notifying Dr. Jackson until -."

"Okay – thanks." Chris probably cut her off mid-sentence as he slammed down the phone, dropped the toothbrush, finished dressing, grabbed his keys and ran out the door, all within six minutes.

He hurried into the hospital through the ER, and took the back elevator up to Vin's floor. The doors opened – and there sat Vin and Jim on the floor just opposite. Vin had his knees up and his arms folded around himself. He leaned into the corner, away from his Dad, though Jim had a hand resting on his back. Vin's eyes were open, looking down to the floor, but he seemed to be staring at nothing. Mom was nowhere around.

Jim looked up. His initial obvious surprise at seeing Chris quickly changed to an understanding smile. Chris didn't move as the elevator doors closed again behind him; he waited for Jim to give him some idea what was going on.

"You've got company." Jim whispered to Vin. It didn't seem to have much effect, Vin raised his eyes barely enough to see who was standing there. He blinked, but didn't move otherwise. Jim stood up, using the wall to steady himself. "I'll go down to his room, Sera's there."

"But – what.?" Chris didn't want to talk about Vin like he wasn't there, but just looking at Vin, he wasn't sure he'd get any answers out of him.

"They called us about an hour and a half ago, he was yelling at his nurse that he wanted out of the hospital. They got one of his nurses from ICU to come talk with him till we got here. Been sitting here awhile now." Jim looked back at his son. "I think maybe it's catching up to him, what happened. His body doesn't need to worry about surviving anymore, it's getting on to the job of rebuilding.You take all the time you need Chris. All the time he needs."

"Yep."

Jim left, walking down the hallway, past the still-dark morning sky outside the bank of windows. Chris crossed the ten or twelve steps between elevators and Vin, and stood for a moment before taking the spot on the floor next to him.

"Causing trouble again, hunh?"

"I want the psychologist to stay away from me." The words shot out, nearly strung all together.

"He'll stay away from you." Chris promised. He didn't need to know why or what or who.

"He doesn't understand." Vin said.

"That doesn't surprise me."

"_Nobody understands__.__" _

"I try Vin. Mom and Jim try." It came out sounding like an apology. "I know it's not always what you need maybe, but – you've been through so much."

"No I haven't!" Vin gave him a disgusted look. "Why does everybody keep saying that? What? What have I been through? I got taken from my family and I got hurt. I've been returned to my family and I'm getting better. End of story. Why does everybody keep acting like – like –."

"Like you were you abducted, held hostage, tortured, starved, dehydrated, and maimed?"

"I'm alive." As though he had to point that out. "All the rest – well, shit happens. What can I tell you? Everybody suffers. There's people lots worse off than me, right here, right now in this hospital. What have I got to complain about? I'm okay with it. Why can't the rest of you be?"

"Vin -." Chris couldn't figure how Vin could be _okay_ with what he'd been through. "How the hell do you expect me to be okay with what happened to you?"

"_Because you been through worse." _Vin seemed put out that he had to explain it to Chris. "You lost your Dad, you lost your wife and son. Mom lost her husband. Dad lost his wife. I've had a good life, with great parents and great friends. I've had you all this time and what happened to me now is just like a blip on radar, a bump in the road." His voice was growing louder in frustration. "It happened, it's over, I'm fine with it."

"You aren't fine with it." Chris said. He kept his voice calm and quiet, wanting to quiet Vin.

"What d'you mean I'm not fine with it?" Vin demanded. "How do you know I'm not fine with it?"

"Because it's not even seven in the morning and you're sitting on the floor in a back hallway of the hospital, shouting that everything is perfectly fine. Does that sound 'fine' to you? 'Fine' wasn't my first thought when I saw you sitting here."

Vin let out a long breath and leaned his head against the wall again. His voice was quieter when he spoke.

"I know what happened. Maybe I don't remember all of it, but I know what Nathan told me, I know the damage I can see for myself. Somebody wanted me hurt, so they had me hurt. Maybe I don't know why, but I'm not killing myself over the question. I understand what happened. I can take it out and look at it, and I understand as much of it as I need to understand. It doesn't tear me up to think about it."

He didn't seem to be denying emotional pain – he seemed to be refusing it.

"You mean you're in shock." Chris pointed out. This seemed to surprise Vin.

"It just seems so – selfish – to complain about it."

"Selfish? I'd be mad as hell."

"Yeah, but Chris – that's never a long walk for you." The tone was so thin and the look on Vin's face so miserable that it took Chris twice as long as usual to realize he was being ribbed. It occurred to him that Vin might be trying to deflect an argument he couldn't counter.

"So it won't come as a surprise to you how mad I'm getting now, listening to you downplay the atrocity you been through. You don't have to be fine with this Vin. You don't have to worry about how anybody else is taking it. Something outrageous has happened to you. _You have the right to feel outraged." _

Vin stared at him a long while, and Chris could see in his eyes that everything was being sifted and processed and filed. When Vin dropped his eyes again, Chris figured that battle was mostly won.

"Guess I got the right to feel stupid now too, for raising so much sand this morning."

"Naah.whenever I get mad, I blame somebody else." Chris leaned forward enough to see a smile forming on Vin's face.

"I'll blame the psychologist."

"Works for me."

"He's an idiot."

"I'm not surprised.we'll get you somebody else. The lady I had after the fire was pretty good."

"Yeah." Vin didn't move, or say anything else. Chris waited a little bit.

"You wanna head back? Get up off the floor before the shift changes and we have to explain to twelve new people what's going on?" Vin nodded and Chris stood and offered him a hand up. They took a slow walk down the hallway and back to Vin's room.

To be continued


	27. Chapter 27

"Vin? Honey? Everything OK in there?" Mom asked through the bathroom door.

"Yeah." he called back. He stood before the mirror in the bathroom of his hospital room, examining his face. He didn't like what he saw. He just didn't look like himself. Some of that was all the weight he'd lost and hadn't gained back yet. Some of it was the ghosts of bruises that still cast shadows across his face.

Maybe it was just that he hadn't been out in the sun for over a month and he wasn't used to looking so pale.

Maybe it was the bathroom light that made him look so pale.

He leaned in for a close up look, then stood as far away as he could in the little space.

Maybe he was just going to look like this for the rest of his life.

The bathroom door had a special handle attached so that he could turn the knob even with his weak hands. He pushed on it and scuffed his way back to the bed.

"Get lost?" Mom asked. She said it lightly, but Vin only shrugged and did a poor job of setting himself back onto the bed. "What is it honey?" She pulled the blankets back out of his way so that he could sit more comfortably on the mattress.

"My face."

"You have a handsome face, just like your father." Sera lovingly caressed the face in question.

"You're my Mom, you're supposed to say that."

"I also don't lie." She pointed out. Vin had to agree.

"Wonder who you passed that onto?" he asked. "Chris went home?"

"Not for long I'm sure. Buck promised me he'd try to get Chris to take a shower and a nap at least, and eat an actual sit-down dinner for a change."

"And Dad's at work?"

"He's on duty until tomorrow about your face honey?" She wouldn't let that pass as easily as he was trying.

" looks different than I remember is all."

"You've been through a lot Vin. Sickness always shows first on your face." She sat down next to him on the hospital bed. "That's how a mother always knows when something's wrong with one of her kids, it shows on his face."

Vin shrugged again and wouldn't look at her.

"You think it's permanent, don't you?"

"Yeah." he sounded as though he wondered how she knew.

"Terrible things always seem like they'll be permanent honey. But they never are." She put her hand on his face again, not to turn him toward her; just to touch him. "The swelling is gone, the bruises are nearly rest will follow."

"I look old." He said, and Sera had to laugh.

"When you're sixty-two honey, we'll talk about you looking old."

"You don't look old." he told her; she was sixty-two.

"You're my son – you're supposed to say that."

"Nah still look like the first time I ever saw you." He sounded completely sincere and she kissed his cheek.

"Thank you honey." She picked up his closest hand and pushed back the cuff of his long sleeve t-shirt. The awful rope burns had finally healed to a circle of fresh pink skin around each wrist. "You see Vin – you're healing." but he brusquely pulled the sleeve back down and slid off the bed.

"I'm goin' for a walk." He tried not to sound annoyed.

"You want me to go with?"

"No – thanks. Just – want t'think.I'll be back." and he scuffed wearily out of his room. He thought about going to the day room to sit, but it afforded no real privacy. So he made a circuit around the floor, then found his moccasined feet taking him to the back elevator. Compelled by a longing to be somewhere safe and familiar, he pushed the button that would bring him to the ICU floor.

The doors slid open – to reveal Joan, one of his ICU nurses, about to get on the elevator.

"Vincent Tanner, what are you doing here?" she held the elevator door open.

"I wanna come back." He said automatically.

"Back to ICU?" and he nodded. "You're not feeling unwell are you?"

"Yes." It came out immediately, as though saying it would be reason enough to be transferred back. "."

Joan stepped into the elevator and let the door shut. She pushed the button for the sub-basement.

"I was just going to take a break, why don't you come with and we can talk about it."

"Okay."

A few floors later, the elevator opened onto a deserted hallway, and Joan led him to a small room a dozen yards away.

"This is the tunnel that leads to the clinic across High Street." She told him. "I found this room one day just after I started working here. I come down whenever I need to get away."

She waved him to one of the three worn plastic cafeteria chairs that sat against the wall opposite the vending machines.

"Have a seat, I just have to make a call." And she used the phone on the wall to call Vin's floor and let them know he was with her.

"." She took the chair closest to Vin. "Why on earth would you want to come back to the ICU?"

"It's safer there."

"Safer from what?"

"From -." He looked at her intently, wanting an honest answer. "You think I'm good looking?"

"Yes I do." She said, resisting the urge to just exclaim 'Uh - YEAH.' But it still didn't seem to be the answer he wanted. He dropped his eyes.

"You don't know what I used to look like, you got nothing to compare this to.."

"This?" She placed a cool hand on his cheek – it felt different than when his Mom touched him. "Let me tell you something Vin Tanner, I don't care what bruises or damage you have done to your face, you look at me with those sweet blue eyes and that expression that tells me you have no idea what a handsome man you are and I could almost forget my husband's name."

A smile started to form on Vin's face, but before he could offer it to her, Joan's eyes clouded and she stood up abruptly to stand before one of the vending machines.

"I'm going to get some water. Would you like some water? Did they feed you lunch yet?" But her hand shook as she took the change purse out of her uniform pocket.

"What – is something wrong?" Vin stood, but hesitated to crowd her.

"No – I just need some water. It gets dry up there and –." She started to open her change purse, but it slipped from her fingers and bounced noisily on the floor. Joan made no move to pick it up, so Vin bent stiffly to retrieve it. As he held it out to her, he could see the flush of tears in her eyes.

"You okay?" he asked gently. She shook her head, and took the change purse to slip back into her pocket.

"No." But she said nothing else. Vin knew absolutely at that moment why his Mom had always insisted he carry a clean handkerchief, and he wished he had one with him now. He didn't know what else he could do, so he took her hands between his own.

"Okay – spill."

She managed a smile but shook her head.

"No, I – thank you but – it's – I don't." and Vin didn't try to stop her, or cajole her. He just kept watching her, in deep concern that she'd been hurt in some way. She finally argued herself out. "My husband."

"Is he okay?" Vin remembered her talking about him in ICU.

"He – he's very sick." She slipped one of her hands free to pull some tissues out of her pocket. "He's a diabetic and – um – his kidneys have shut down." Her voice shook and Vin wished he had the strength in his hands to hold hers tighter.

"He's been on dialysis, but his doctors – he needs a kidney transplant and he's on a waiting 's just been very hard."

Her tears overflowed then and she stepped back, away from Vin.

"I'm sorry – I didn't mean to tell you that." She wiped her eyes. "It's just been a long day."f

"No, I'm glad you told shouldn't keep something like that all to yourself."

He felt foolish now for worrying about something as superficial as bruises on his face. "You shouldn't even be at work – you should be at home."

"No, I need to work. It keeps me from thinking about it too much." Joan told him.

"Yeah, I can see that." He lifted his hand toward her face. "You know he can have one of my kidneys. Had a lot of tests done on 'em, Nathan says they work just fine."

Vin didn't know what response he wanted to bring about, but more tears flowed and she pressed her hand over her eyes. All he could do then was put his arms around her and hold on to her.

"Everything'll be all right." He told her. "I know it will. Terrible things seem like they'll never go away, but they do. You'll see. Honest." He rested his cheek against her soft hair. "Us handsome fellas can always tell."

To Be Continued


	28. Chapter 28

"_Honey, straighten your tie." _

"_Mom -." _

"_I thought you were going to wear the other shoes?" _

"_Mom -." _

"_Maybe you should button your suitcoat__.__" _

"_**Mom**__ - I've already met Jim. What's the big deal?" Chris and his Mom walked up the front sidewalk to the Tanner home. "And the kid is only five, what's he gonna care?" He brushed off her efforts to fix his tie. _

"_I just want you looking nice, that's all__.__" Sera told him. _

_Jim had been waiting for them, and opened the door as they came to the steps. He greeted Sera with an awkward kiss and Chris just barely kept himself from rolling his eyes._

"_Vin's upstairs, getting changed. I don't know what's taking him so long. I told him if he's not down in two minutes, I'm taking him to dinner in his pajamas__.__" _

_Chris shrugged and thought 'yeah, whatever__.__' then his mother said,_

"_Honey, why don't you go up and see if you can help. That'll be a good chance for you to meet Vin finally__.__" and she said it with that annoying tone parents get when somehow they don't realize how lame an idea really is. Chris shrugged again. _

"_Whatever." He said, with all the disdain of his seventeen years, and trudged up the stairs. The house only had two bedrooms on the second floor, so it wasn't hard to pick out the room with the Scooby Doo poster on it. "Hey kid, you in here?" _

_He pushed open the door, expecting to find the kid playing a game or lost in a fantasy war with his stuffed animals or something. Instead he found small boy desperately trying to get into a pair of good corduroy pants that were clearly much too small for him. _

"_Well, that ain't gonna work." Chris told him. "I thought Mom said she sent you over a suit or something to wear tonight??" Vin didn't even bother to look up from his struggles. _

"_I hate her." _

"_Yeah, so do I sometimes." Chris allowed. "You want help or something? I mean it's summer, it's a like a billion degrees out there. Corduroy wouldn't be my first choice." _

_No answer, just continued struggles. _

_Chris was about to give up and go back downstairs, then he saw the photograph hanging on the wall. Obviously Vin, obviously younger, sitting on Santa's lap. Next to them, crouching down to be at the same level was a woman who could only be Vin's mother. And in the picture, on Santa's lap, Vin was wearing the corduroy pants that would never fit him again. _

"_Your Mom got you those, hunh?" Chris asked. Huge tears ran down the little face that nodded up to him. Chris went down on one knee in front of Vin. "This was my Dad's tie." He held it out slightly toward Vin. "I wear it to remember him too. Maybe there's something else that your Mom got you that you could wear?" _

"_Dad said I couldn't wear it to dinner." The voice bordered on whining. _

"_Well, what is it? I'll tell 'em I said it's okay. I'll help you get dressed__.__okay?" _

_Finally, a wobbly nod. _

"_Okay." _

_Fifteen minutes later, the soon-to-be family drove off to dinner, Jim and Sera in the front seat, and Chris in the back sitting next to a very happy Vin, proudly wearing his Scooby Doo t-shirt under his new good suit. _

_M7*M7*M7_

"Are they mad?" Vin asked as Chris handed him his clothes.

"Of course not. Are you kidding? Mom's in her glory shopping for everything I don't have that you need." Chris made sure Vin's uncertain fingers had a good enough grip on his bundle before letting go entirely. "They'll be over for dinner tonight. That'll give us all afternoon to get ready for the onslaught." Chris smiled, but Vin didn't. He sighed.

"I didn't want to hurt their feelings Chris. I just didn't want a lot of people hanging around me when all I want to do is take a shower and a nap when I get home."

"They know that Vin. They'd never be mad at you. Come on, sooner you get dressed, sooner we get out of this place." Chris urged him. Vin nodded, but still made no move toward the bathroom to change.

"Think there's any reporters out there?" The first step, the first fear he'd have to overcome to get back into the real world.

"Nope."

"Sound pretty sure of yourself." Vin managed to sound sarcastic.

"I got friends in low places." Was all the answer Chris gave him. Vin nodded his understanding though.

"Y'thank Bucklin for me." He said, turning to head into the bathroom to change.

He came back out, flannel shirt untucked and unbuttoned over his t-shirt, jeans unfastened, sneakers untied. "Guess JD's been having to fight off the press for awhile now?" Vin sat on the bed. Chris lifted each of Vin's feet to rest on his own knee and tie his sneakers. "Nothing else going on in the world they gotta make a big deal outta this?" He sounded tired and aggravated.

"It'll pass Vin." Chris tried to reassure him. When he was done with the sneakers, he buttoned Vin's shirt. "You'll be old news before you know it."

"I'm sorry y'gotta dress me." he sighed. Chris thought of a lot of answers. He didn't want to add to Vin's self pity.

"Not the first time in your life I've dressed you." With a slight press of his hand on Vin's arm, he got his brother standing, and tucked the flannel shirt into the jeans. "It is the easiest time though." He buttoned and zipped Vin, then handed him the sweatshirt. Vin pulled that on with no help.

"I hate that my hands don't work." A repetitive complaint, muttered through a tangle of polar fleece. Chris made sure the sweatshirt was on and pulled down completely, then he held his hands out to Vin.

"What?" Vin asked.

"Squeeze my hands." Chris told him. "Squeeze as hard as you can."

So Vin took Chris' hands into his own and squeezed. It felt to Chris no stronger than a limp handshake, but he could see the effort Vin was putting into it, and he offered a reassuring smile.

"See – I can tell that's better already than last week. A few more weeks and you'll be opening your own Christmas presents."

Still holding onto Chris' hands, Vin looked into his eyes and nodded. It was the same thing every other person had told him, but he believed Chris. He would only believe Chris.

"You just don't use too much tape, okay?" he asked softly.

"Okay."

Chris let Vin's hands slide off of his own, and he took him into a hug. Doing that was getting easier, for both men. It was always a blessing and a relief to feel the slight but gaining form safe and sound and alive against him. Chris held on tight and felt Vin hesitate just for a moment before returning the pressure with his arms.

To be continued


	29. Chapter 29

Before leaving the hospital, they made a quick detour up to ICU to find Vin's nurse, Jan.

"So, we're finally getting rid of you?" she joked, crouching down to be eye level with Vin. "You're not gonna give your brother here too much trouble are you?"

"No ma'am!" Vin grinned, then handed up a wrapped gift to her. "It's not much, I know. It's not worth near what all you did for me while I was here, but it means a lot to me."

Puzzled, but pleased, Jan stood and unwrapped the present.

"Oh - Vin -." She turned it to show Chris.

It was the picture Chris had taken the first time Vin walked all the way down the hall. Jan had asked to be there when it happened, even though it was a different unit, and she'd stood at the far end of the hallway, encouraging Vin. The picture was of the two of them, standing at the window, both happy and delighted. It'd been the first time Vin was that happy and sure of himself since being admitted to the hospital and Chris had wanted a picture of it.

"Vin - you have no idea what this means to me." she bent down again and kissed him, and he hugged her.

"You saved my life Jan. I know you did. I wanted you to have something to remember me because I'll always remember you."

She decided to walk out with them, and she let the other nurses at the desk know.

"Is the rest of your family waiting downstairs for you?" she asked, as they got onto the elevator.

"No, just me n'Chris today." Vin said, but Jan figured it was _'me 'n Chris' _most days. "Bucklin's around though, I can tell the way all the CNA's are buzzing." He turned a smile up to Chris' laugh. "Anyway, wanted it quiet today. Still got some raw nerves, you know?"

"I know." And she squeezed his hand.

Avoiding the front lobby, once off the elevator Chris turned the wheelchair toward the ER and they exited through the doors there. He flipped the brake handles on and rested his hand on Vin's shoulder.

"I'll get the car, don't wander off."

"Yeah." Vin answered on a breath of laughter. "Like I could wander farther than six feet 'fore you get back." Down the driveway, near the stop sign at the street, he saw Buck sitting on the hood of his car. "He can come over Chris, if he wants to.I'd like to see him."

"Sure." Chris grinned and waved Buck to come down. "I'll get my car."

As Chris moved off, and before Buck got to him, Vin had a sudden stab of panic. The world was big, and plenty of cruel people filled it. Including whoever had wanted him tortured. That monster still walked free and Vin suddenly felt feeble and vulnerable.

"I can't." he said. The world was too big, and he was too small. In the hospital he was protected and isolated. Out here – God, out here it could happen all over again. He started to stand up from the wheelchair. The only safe place was back inside the hospital. "I can't go out there. I can't."

Still a dozen yards away, Buck could see the fear building up in Vin. He'd been expecting it anyway. Shell shock they might've called it if he'd been a soldier, or battle fatigue. He'd seen it in police officers shot in the line of duty, and crime victims forcing themselves into a courtroom to confront their attackers. He saw in the parking lot that Chris had stopped on his way to his car, and was contemplating going back to Vin. Buck caught his eye and waved him on, indicating he'd take care of it.

"Hey Vin. Good to see you finally outta there." Under the guise of a one-armed hug, Buck supported Vin standing up out of the wheelchair. "Though I don't see how you could leave such a pretty nurse as this one all by her lonesome."

Even under the denim jacket, sweatshirt, flannel shirt and t-shirt, Vin trembled. Buck reasoned it wasn't from the cold.

"You – you – comin' over for dinner tonight?" Vin stammered out, trying to control his panic, trying to not let on in front of Buck or Jan how scared he was. Even as he asked the question, his eyes scanned the parking lot for Chris.

"Well, if you're asking, I'm coming." Buck's light tone didn't match the worry in his face as he exchanged a glance with Jan. "Can I bring JD too?"

"Sure." but he said it so distractedly, Buck figured he could've asked to bring polar bears, and the answer would've been the same.

"He's coming Vin." He said, his tone of voice finally matching the way he felt. "See, here comes Chris now." The Ford Explorer pulled to a stop in front of them and Chris got out. As anxious as Vin was to be away and hidden at Chris' house, he turned back for one more hug from Jan.

"You take care of yourself honey." She said, and kissed his cheek. "Call me if you need anything. Even if it's just to talk. Okay?"

"I will." Vin promised, and gave her as strong a hug as he could. Then Buck gave him another hug, and Chris helped him get settled into the front seat.

"All right?" Chris asked, as he got back in behind the wheel. Vin knew this car wouldn't move until he'd given an honest answer.

"Not yet, planning on it though."

M7*M7*M7

_A week later, and they were no closer to finding Tiny. All they had to go on was one eyewitness report of seeing a dark brown – or it might've been eggplant – four door - unless it was two door – sedan with New York plates – or Michigan – pulling out of the parking lot of – or it could've just been driving past – the do it yourself carwash on Payne Avenue at exactly the time the police theorized Vin must've been there. And that WAS after the time change, right? _

_Buck couldn't help grumbling again to himself at the want of leads, and the near absurdity of the one lead they did have. He hated to have to face Chris and tell him – one more time – 'nothing new' – but he hadn't seen Larabee face to face in almost a full twenty-four hours, and Buck needed to see how he was holding up. _

_He found Chris – by process of elimination – at Vin's house. Saturday, early afternoon, early November. Although a wheelbarrow, garbage can, and garden tools surrounded him, Chris sat on the low top step in front of Vin's front door. His hands hung over his knees, and he stared at apparently nothing on the sidewalk in front of himself. Buck pulled up to the curb and got out. _

"_Still nothing, hunh?" Chris asked. His eyes, when he looked up, were red and desperate. _

"_Still nothing." Buck agreed. "I'm sorry Chris – you know we're trying." _

"_I know." Chris shifted a little so there'd be enough room for Buck to sit beside him. "It's like the earth just swallowed him up." He sounded amazed, and forlorn. _

"_You think he's dead?" _

"_No Chris, I don't." Buck looked around at the landscaping project underway. "And neither do you__.__c'mon, I'll give you a hand here. We want this place nice and shiny for Vin when he comes home." He stood up but Chris didn't. "And he IS coming home." _

_M7*M7*M7_

Chris had barely pulled out of the hospital parking lot and turned the first corner when Vin gave over to his weariness and dropped his head down to sleep. The next thing he knew, the car had stopped, and he lifted his head, blinking the dryness out of his eyes. His first instinct was panic, his persistent fear telling him to run. This wasn't Chris' house. This wasn't Chris' house. But it only lasted a second or less, until Vin saw Chris beside him, and he blinked a little more clearness into his vision.

They were at_ his_ house.

He turned a puzzled look on Chris, who said: "Thought you might want to touch ground a little bit before we go to my house?"

Vin nodded, more grateful than he would've expected to be. Chris hit the seat belt release for him, and he managed the door latch by himself, and slowly got out of the truck.

It didn't feel to Vin that he hadn't seen his house in six or seven weeks. It looked the same as that stupid Friday morning he walked out the front door the last time. That'd been October, the week before Halloween; here it was December, two weeks before Christmas.

Somebody had taken down his pumpkin and ghost decorations, raked the leaves off his lawn, trimmed his bushes, and put out the last batch of waiting trash. Vin was about to ask if Mom had been here, but he saw Chris reached down to pick up some stray gum wrapper that'd blown into the driveway and then straightened up to give the entire house and yard a quick once over.

"You took care of the place while I was gone?" Vin asked. Chris looked like he'd been caught at something.

"While you were gone – yeah." He didn't explain that remark. "Mom's been here the past couple of weeks, shining everything up and down, cleaned out your fridge and your microwave. Did all your laundry, washed all your dishes."

"Read all my mail." Vin sighed.

"Probably." Chris agreed. "C'mon, let's go inside."

* * *

_Vin stood in the doorway of the smoky establishment and cast his eyes around for his wayward brother. There he was, at the far end of the bar, nursing a beer. There were a few empty chairs next to him – a combination of how early in the afternoon it still was, and Chris' natural 'charm'. Vin ambled down, past the pool table and jukebox, and the electronic dartboard that hung on the wall next to the restroom door. He set himself in the chair closest to Chris, but Chris didn't notice anyone was next to him at all until the bartender walked over to Vin. _

_"You wanna be in here, I need to see some ID." _

_Holding back a sigh, Vin pulled his wallet out and handed over his license. He'd been twenty-one almost a year now. When was it gonna be obvious? The bartender nodded and offered it back. _

_"What can I get you?" _

_"He'll have a Pepsi, Vin." Chris said, before Vin had the chance to say anything else. "Put it on my bill." _

_"Sure thing Larabee." _

_"I get a say in this?" Vin asked him. "I am old enough." _

_"You're still a kid." Chris took a swallow of his beer. "What're you doing here anyway?" He didn't sound angry, only mildly interested. _

_"Sarah sent me and Buck out scouting for you. She said - well, she said -." _

_"She said we had a fight." Chris supplied. _

_"No - she said you were hurting. She doesn't think the two of you had a fight, she thinks you're haVing a tussle all on your own." He waited for an answer, but Chris only shrugged and took another sip of beer. "Chris - I know what day it is." _

_He meant it as an offering of - comfort? Understanding? A chance to vent? _

_"Twenty years." Chris whispered; Vin almost didn't hear it. "He's been gone twenty years." _

_"I didn't know it'd been that long." _

_"I still remember exactly where I was, what I was doing, how I was feeling that last second before I knew he was gone." Chris picked up the bottle again, but he didn't drink; he picked away at the label. "Me and Buck were in the yard, in the driveway playing basketball. I heard the phone ring, I heard Mom - yell, I guess. She came running out of the house with her car keys, yelling at me to get in the car. So me and Buck got Mom just sat there behind the wheel, crying. I was afraid to ask her - I guess I knew it was Dad, but as long as I didn't ask, it wouldn't be Dad. Then Al was there. I don't know how long we'd been sitting in the car, just sitting there. Then Al was there and Dad wasn't with him and I knew, I really years ago." Chris drank more beer. "I can't believe he's gone." _

_"I'm sorry Chris." That sounded so inadequate, but anything else seemed too much. _

_"Sarah never met him, my kids will never know matter how long I live, I'll never see him again." Chris continued to pick away at the label. The bartender set the Pepsi down at Vin's elbow and he nodded his thanks, but he didn't touch it. He wanted to say something to Chris, but what? He found himself wishing Buck was here instead of him, he'd know what to say. But Chris started talking again. _

_"Well, your Mom's been gone, sixteen years now? I guess it's not like I'm telling you anything you don't know." _

_"No, it's different with my Mom - I hardly knew her. She was so sick most of my life, except for that one Christmas picture of her with me and Santa, I don't know as I have a memory of her not being sick." _

_Vin put his hand around his glass of Pepsi like he was going to pick it up, but he didn't pick it up. He took a peanut out of the bowl next to him and rolled it through his fingers. _

_"You had all those years with your Dad, all those it sounds mean but - losing Mom - I think I gained more than I lost." _

_That sounded stupid, it must've been stupid, the way Chris was staring at him. Vin finally took a long swallow of his soda and cracked a few peanuts just for something to do. _

_"I didn't think I'd ever see Mom happy again." Chris said. "I thought she was going to spend the rest of her life just shuffling from home to work and back again. We had to sell the house 'cause we couldn't make the mortgage payments. Had to move into that stupid duplex, next to the lady with the parrot that went screeching at the crack of dawn every morning. Car always seemed to need repairing." _

_He picked up a couple of the peanuts Vin had shelled and tossed them into his mouth. _

_"I mean - Dad's friends from the force were all great, and did everything they could. Just wasn't the same." _

_"Nothing would ever be the same as your Dad." Vin offered, wanting Chris to understand that it was OK that Chris didn't look on Jim as a father. _

_"I remember the first time I saw Mom sparkle after Dad died." Chris told him. Vin had to smile. _

_"Day she met Dad, hunh?" _

_"Nope - day she met couldn't say enough about the shy little kid with the shaggy hair who wouldn't say three words and only sucked on his thumb and kept his face buried in his Dad's shoulder." Chris picked up a few more peanuts but didn't eat them. "I gained a lot too. Got my Mom back, got a really good friend in Jim. Finally got me that baby brother I always wanted." He tried to smile, but it didn't work. "And I'd give it all up just to have Dad back." _

_Vin wondered if he should stay or if he should go. Did Chris want him there or gone? Sarah had said to find Chris and bring him home, and Sam'd rather face Chris in a bad mood than Sarah. _

_"Sarah said to bring you home." _

_"Yeah." Chris finished his beer and set some money on the bar. "You wanna come over for dinner? Adam's been asking for you. Wants to know when Uncle Vin is gonna tell him some more of those cowboy stories." He stood up to leave, and Vin followed him. _

_"Sure, remind me to call Mom when we get there and let her know where I am." They were almost to Vin's car when Chris turned towards him. _

_"You know, it's not that I don't like having you and Jim in the family. Jim's been nothing but great to me since I met him, and I always did want a baby brother." he tried to accomplish that smile again, and for the second time it didn't work. "I just miss him. I didn't think twenty years could hurt so much." _

M7*M7*M7

Chris opened the door and let Vin go in first. Vin stopped in the front hallway, at the bottom of the staircase, and took a deep breath of home.

"Free at last, free at last." He chanted. "Praise God Almighty – I'm free at last."

"No – tell me how you really feel." Chris said, and Vin grinned at him. "You want to sit down for awhile? I don't know if you've got any food left, Mom cleaned out your fridge. We could order in lunch if you want – don't know how long you want to stay here."

"I only need to stay long enough to have the smell of the house on me again." Vin looked into the front room, then up the stairs. "Tide's comin' though, I better take care a'that while I'm already standing." He gestured up to the bathroom. "I'll be back – unless you wanna help?" He gave Chris an expectant look.

Chris scowled at him, and then pulled out his cell phone and pretended to dial.

"Hi – Grandma? Vin's going up to pee and." He cut the fake phone call short when Vin started up the stairs.

"Ha – I bet you don't even hafta cuff the bad guys, they just laugh themselves unconscious in the back of the squad car."

As he walked up the stairs, Vin let his hand trail over some of the framed photographs on the wall. When he got to the top, when he got to the picture of Chris and his Dad, Vin definitely stopped and lightly touched the back of his fingers to the glass.

"What'd you do that for?" Chris asked. He hadn't intended to ask.

"What'd I do what for?" Vin turned back to him.

"That picture you got up there, of my Dad and me – you touched it." Chris walked up to stand one step below Vin.

"Just saying 'hi'." Vin shrugged. "Me 'n Pop go back a ways y'know. I always say hi and goodbye to him, same's I do my Mom." He indicated another photograph further down on the wall.

"Yeah, but your Mom's your Mom." Chris started and Vin shrugged again.

"So? Pop's my step-father same as my Dad is yours." Then Vin considered. "You don't want me to have the picture here? Grandma gave it to me, I didn't think you'd mind."

"No I don't mind." Chris said quickly. He kept his eyes on his father. "I guess I'm just a little surprised. You never met him or anything."

"But I've met you and Pop's part of you. How could I not care about somebody you care about so much?" and when Chris didn't answer – couldn't answer – Vin went on. "I wish I had met him. Everything I've heard about him, I can tell he was a great guy. A good husband, a good father, a good friend." He pressed his hand against the glass again. "I guess I feel like I lost him too."

Chris nodded and coughed, and turned to go back down the stairs to hide the fact that he was wiping his eyes.

"I'll see if Mom left you any food." was all he said, until he got to the last step. He stopped and looked up at Vin. It seemed like he was going to say something, but nothing came out.

A couple of beats passed and Vin nodded. "I know – me too."

to be continued


	30. Chapter 30

_Everything that could be moved into the old house had been moved. Even so, it wasn't much. The largest bedroom down the hallway accommodated a single bed. The plastic glass on the bathroom sink stood next to an unopened package of toothpaste and toothbrush. The short narrow kitchen held a card table and chairs, the old stove that came with the place, and a couple of ice chests doing service as refrigerator. The long, narrow, echoing front room had exactly one recliner and one pole lamp in it. _

_Vin pushed himself up and out of that recliner, intending to follow the trickling parade of their family and friends out of Chris' new house, and head home for a hot shower and a lot of sleep. It'd been a hard many days, getting this old farmhouse into any kind of shape to be lived in. A lot of paint, scraping, sweeping, mopping, electrical work, plumbing, and chimney repairs had brought the place barely up to Mom's lowest acceptable level of a place one of her children could live. _

_The "child" in question sat now on the dusty, uneven floorboards in front of the cold fireplace, with his arms around his knees, staring at the small tornadoes of ashes that the draft kicked up. It'd been fifteen minutes or more since either brother had said anything. Vin'd caught himself dozing off in the chair. He figured Chris had to be just as tired, maybe more, so he'd head home and let Chris get some sleep as well. _

_Vin remembered the first night he'd spent in his own house. Despite all the fun and help and good wishes, he remembered how nice it was when the front door finally shut and it was just him. Well, him and Chris for a few hours into the night that first night. _

_This would be Chris' first night alone since losing Sarah and Adam. _

_There'd hardly been anything salvageable from the old house, and anything that was physically intact smelled intensely of smoke. And anything that'd been cleaned of the smell – Chris couldn't bring himself to put into this house just yet. _

_The possibility occurred to Vin that maybe Chris wouldn't want to be alone, but he pushed that away. Chris wasn't him – Vin'd been in his really early twenties when he moved away from home. Chris was old. At thirty-six, he was half again as old as Vin. He didn't need somebody hanging around to explain all the odd and familiar noises to him. He was probably exhausted and just reluctant to ask Vin to leave. So, Vin'd take the initiative. And anyway, a hot shower and a soft bed were looking pretty good to Vin right now. _

_Chris looked up as Vin stretched out the weariness in his muscles. _

"_I've never lived by myself before." His soft words stopped Vin in mid-stretch. That couldn't be true. "I stayed at home till I graduated college." Chris went on, as though he could see Vin's disbelief. "Shared that house with Buck till I got married. Been living with you – since – since –." He ran the back of his hand across his mouth and turned to stare down at the wild dancing ashes again. "I don't think I've spent even ten nights on my own in my whole life." _

_Vin dropped his arms down to his sides, and just couldn't get the image to form in his mind. Chris, his big brother, police detective, take-on-the-world, don't-mess-with-me, Chris "Bad Element" Larabee – didn't want to spend the night alone in his own house? _

_His first night alone since losing Sarah and Adam. _

"_You heading home?" Chris looked up again. His voice had changed; you'd never think he was anything but OK with being left on his own. Vin shook his head and covered a yawn. _

"_Doubt I'd even make it to my truck. I'm just gonna scare up a blanket and get comfortable again in the recliner. Hope you don't mind puttin' me up for the night." _

"_Reckon I could stand it – just this once." Chris said. He had a sour look on his face, but a smile in his voice. He pushed himself up from the floor. "S'pose you'll be wanting tea?" _

"_Well, Mom did leave that coffee cake__.__" Vin pointed out. "Be a shame to waste it__.__" _

_Chris gave an exaggerated sigh as he scuffed into the kitchen. _

"_The things brothers do." he complained. _

"_Yep." Vin agreed. "The things we do__.__" _

M7*M7*M7

Vin came out of the bathroom after his shower, looking a little swamped in the robe and pajamas that used to fit. Chris was immediately hovering.

"Why don't you lie down for awhile? I won't be starting dinner for a couple of hours. I'll call you when it's ready."

"I'd like to sit in the front room with you for awhile. Is that okay?" Vin actually asked it as though he had to, as though it might not be okay.

"Of course, sure, go on. I'll get a blanket for you anyway."

"Okay." When Chris came back, Vin was folded into the recliner. "It's still snowing out, hunh?" He asked as Chris laid the blanket around him.

"Yep, it's not supposed to let up till you go. Are you okay? Do you want anything?"

"No, thanks Chris. All set." His voice was soft.

"Okay. Is this light bothering you?" Chris asked about the lamp on the end table between the recliner and couch.

"No."

"I can turn it off."

"No, it's fine." Vin said honestly.

"Okay." Chris put his hand on Vin's shoulder and gave him a gentle squeeze.

"Try and get some rest. I'll be right here."

"I will."

M7*M7*M7

"You want to practice again?"

"Chris –."

"Maybe try my cell phone number this time?"

"Chris -."

"Or the microwave? You're gonna want to heat up lunch."

"Chris -."

"I know – the door! We didn't practice you opening the side door."

"Yes we did. Gotta a whole lotta practice yesterday with you carrying in all those grocery bags of food I don't have to cut up or heat up or practically even chew."

Vin sat on the edge of Chris' bed, watching his big brother buttoning up his shirt and tying his tie, getting ready for work.

"We did? Oh yeah." Chris thought a moment. "You sure you can work the phone, just in case?"

"You mean that new phone you bought, with the buttons big as my head? Uh, _yeah._"

"Hmmm." Chris considered Vin in the mirror.

"Chris – you can go over that list in your head all you want. We thought of everything, we practiced everything, there's nothing left. I'll be _fine_."

"I don't like leaving you here all day, all by yourself."

"_Really? I never woulda guessed_." Vin's smile offset his sarcasm.

"Wise guy." His tie in place, Chris put on his jacket. "You've only been out of the hospital a week." He reminded Vin.

"Yeah a week." Vin grumbled. He leaned back on his elbows. "Mom and Dad the first day, JD the second day, the third day you had off. The fourth day we split between Josiah and Ezra. The fifth day was Mom and Dad again, and yesterday was you_ and _Buck."

"Feeling a little crowded, hunh?" Chris asked, a little guiltily.

"Just a little. Not that I didn't need it and appreciate the first few days, but I got my legs under me again now. I'd like to be able to sneeze without somebody speed dialing Nathan."

Chris sighed out his acceptance. "Okay."

"And I'm turning off the ringer on the phone and turning down the sound on the answering machine, so I don't spend the rest of my day talking either."

"I guess you have thought of right.I'll be home by six."

*+*+*

Chris couldn't get home fast enough that afternoon. Vin'd called him just about lunchtime, everything was okay. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling that some tragedy had occurred since then, and he had visions of Vin lying in a heap at the bottom of the stairs, or trapped in the bathroom, or burned on some food he couldn't feel how hot it was, or huddled under his bed in absolute terror.

He parked in the driveway, unlocked the side door, and went in.

No crumpled body at the foot of the stairs that led up to the kitchen.

So far, so good.

The kitchen was quiet, warm, and smelled of dinner cooking. A quick look into the oven revealed a casserole, layered out in some disarray, and a pan of brown and serve biscuits toasting next to it. A pot of tea simmered on the stove, the kitchen table had been set, and at the far end of the cupboards, the washing machine hummed with activity.

Still good, still no tragedy.

He turned to head into the large front room, which took up almost the entire width of the house, and he had to walk a few feet in before he saw Vin – on his hands and knees on the floor, halfway hidden behind the arm of the loveseat.

"Vin?" All Chris' visions of tragedy seemed about to come true – until Vin sat back, holding up an old newspaper pressed between the heels of his hands.

"You know, you gotta clean_ under _the furniture too. Not just around it."

"What are you doing?"

"Making myself useful." With a slight rocking motion, Vin got himself up on his feet.

"Useful? You're gonna put my housekeeper out of a job."

"Yeah, I'm sure Mom'll find something else to occupy her time."

He dropped the paper into the trashcan he had standing next to the loveseat, then hooked his fingers under the lip of the Rubbermaid container and carried it toward the kitchen. Chris followed him.

"Thought you were gonna take it easy today?"

"You don't have that in writing."

"Yes I do." Chris said and Vin gave him a look.

"Notarized?" An old game, each brother trying to one-up the other.

"By the Assistant District Attorney himself."

"Ha! I know for a fact that he was too busy all day long." Vin set the trashcan in its customary spot in the kitchen. "He called me five times."

Chris shook his head and laughed quietly as he went down the bedroom hallway to change his clothes and lock up his gun.

"So – what brought this on?" he asked when he came back. Vin was nearly lost in the washing machine, leaning in to bring out pieces of laundry between his hands to put into the dryer. He shrugged.

"I was lying on the sofa, watching TV. I noticed the floor was dusty, so I got the dust mop, and the Lemon Pledge. Then smelling the Lemon Pledge got me thinking about how Mom used to clean the house upside down every week. Realized that dust mopping your floor was the first constructive thing I've done in eight weeks. I just wanted to start feeling useful again."

Vin tossed the wet towels into the dryer and waved off what he knew Chris was going to say.

"No – you've never made me feel that I had to do anything but get better. Not you or Mom or Dad or anybody. It was just such a good feeling, just dusting the floor in there. Seeing the sun shining on the difference between clean and dusty. It was the first time in eight weeks that I felt like just a regular guy, living a regular life. You know what a rush that is?"

"Yeah, as a matter of fact I do." Chris told him. He gave Vin a light thump on his shoulder and turned away. "C'mon, let's get to eating. It smells pretty good." He pulled a couple of potholders out of a drawer and opened the stove. "I don't remember when I've seen the house so clean."

"It's apt to get a little cleaner." Vin said, leaning into the washing machine again.

"I volunteered your house for Christmas Eve dinner."

to be continued


	31. Chapter 31

_It was dark. It was cold. _

_The nightmare pushed him off the bed, and he tried his damnedest to crawl away from it. He only got a few feet when the chair and desk blocked him in near the foot of the bed. He tried to surface from the dreams and nightmares and memories, but they held him pinned to the floor, on his hands and knees, arms pressed over his head. _

_It hurt, God almighty it hurt so bad he wanted to scream. Maybe he was screaming. Maybe he would never stop screaming. _

_The bedroom door opened, and a strip of light cut across the bed and the desk. His brother came in, into the darkness and fear and pain. _

"_It's okay, it's okay." He heard Vin whispering, as he knelt beside Chris on the floor and wrapped him in the strongest hug Chris ever remembered feeling. "It's okay, it's okay__.__" Vin kept repeating that, and kept holding on, while Chris tried to will himself back into reality. _

_After awhile, he abandoned the fight, and just gave in to the misery and ache, and trusted Vin to keep him from disappearing through the cracks in his own soul. In the morning, it would all make sense. In the morning he'd understand again that his wife and son were dead for no good reason other than bad luck and bad wiring. In the morning he'd be able to breathe again, and face everyone at the funeral without breaking down. _

_In the morning he'd be strong again. _

_Right now, in the darkness and fear and pain, he let Vin be strong for him. _

_*+*_

_Holding onto Chris was the only thing Vin could think to do. He didn't want to leave him even for the few minutes it would take to get one of the sedatives Nathan had left for Chris. He just held on and let Chris cry out his pain and anger and grief. It was the first real emotion Chris had let himself express since Sarah and Adam's deaths four days before. Vin had cried, nearly two days straight, for losing his nephew and sister in law. He was crying now, holding onto Chris, wishing Mom was there, or Jim, or Buck, or anybody else who would know what to do and how to help Chris. _

_All he could do was hold on. _

M7*M7*M7

Chris stayed up until almost midnight, listening to the ominous creaking and popping of neighborhood trees as the promised ice storm bore down on the area. Fortunately he had no trees near the house, or overhanging the driveway, so he felt safe that he wasn't about to lose a roof or vehicle.

He thought about waking Vin up to watch the storm, but Vin'd been out Christmas shopping with Mom all day and that just plain wore him out. He'd gone into his room after dinner to change out of his clothes into his pajamas, and five hours later he was still sound asleep across the bed where Chris had found him when he didn't come back after a half hour.

Finally, the late hour caught up with Chris. Just as he turned to head off to bed, the lights flickered and went out. Out the window, the whole street was dark.

Great.

In the utter blackness of his house, Chris felt his way into the kitchen. He had a flashlight in the junk drawer; hopefully the batteries still worked. He'd have to wake Vin up after all; the last thing Chris wanted was Vin waking up alone in the cold and the dark.

*+*

It was cold and it was dark.

Vin woke up and immediately froze in panic. This wasn't Chris' house. Where was he? He wasn't in his bedroom at Chris' house - he always kept the bedside light on, Chris always left the hall light on, the house was always warm. This wasn't Chris' house.

God – where was he? Still mostly sunk in sleep, Vin tried to figure that out.

It was cold and it was dark. He was lying crosswise on a bed. It had to be – it couldn't be – Vin tried to fight his exhaustion and figure it out – God he wasn't back at that house, was he? How did he get back there? He could hear them moving around out there in the house. They always came in the cold and the dark to hurt him. Where was Chris? Why wasn't he at Chris' house? Maybe that had just been that dream he always had that Chris found him and saved him and took him home. It seemed so real this time – he dreamt himself all the way up to three days before Christmas. How could it have just been a dream?

Panic and nausea filled Vin. He could hear them moving around out there in the house. They always came in the cold and the dark to hurt him.

*+*

Nope, the batteries didn't work.

Great.

Chris found a box of wooden matches, and lit one to trace his steps back to the living room. He figured he'd start a fire in the fireplace before getting Vin. Better to have a little heat and light to bring Vin to, rather than just more cold and dark.

*+*

Something wasn't right – or maybe something wasn't wrong? Vin realized he wasn't tied down. He got off the bed and felt his way in the dark to the door. But the door was open - they never left it open, and it wasn't where he remembered it being. He bumped into other things that hadn't been in the room before. He was dressed. What was going on? Where was he? His exhausted mind began to piece things together, but a sudden crash from outside the house derailed everything.

*+*

The paper and kindling caught fire, and Chris headed down the bedroom hallway in the dark to get Vin. They'd probably have to bring out the sleeping bags and spend the rest of the night in the living room. The ice storm still raged outside, he heard the close report of what had to be a huge branch breaking off the willow tree across the road. Well, it would be just more firewood for next winter.

The door to Vin's room was mostly open, and just as Chris was about to call Vin's name, he heard a scuffling sound coming from the far corner. He followed the sound.

*+*

Neither the wall nor the desk would give an inch, still Vin managed to wedge himself into the narrow space. They were here, they were coming in. But he was dressed and he wasn't tied and this wasn't that room but was it his room at Chris' house? His brain rapidly clicked on scattered images. It was dark and he was cold. He wanted to scream, but his healing throat was shut too tight with fear.

Footsteps came closer, came right for him. They knew where he was. They always came in the dark and cold. They always – they always –

*+*

Chris stopped when he heard Vin's ragged breathing – it'd been awhile coming maybe, but it seemed like the nightmares had finally got a foothold. He supposed Vin was just too tired to make sense of his surroundings in the dark. He crouched down.

"It's okay." He whispered, and reached out to touch Vin, and gently urge him from his hideaway. "It's okay."

*+*

Chris? Chris? Vin's fear still refused to let him make a sound. But he heard Chris' voice and smelled his aftershave and felt his hands on his arms. He let himself be guided out of his cramped hole and into Chris' arms, let himself be wrapped in the strongest hug he ever remembered feeling.

*+*

Chris held on, felt Vin silently shudder against him. That must've been one hell of an intense nightmare if Vin couldn't even speak. It was the first fear he'd exhibited since being home.

"It's okay." Chris kept whispering "It's okay." All he could do was hold on.

M7*M7*M7

_The muscles in Vin's arms ached so much they shook, and his legs had gone to sleep, but he wouldn't let go of Chris. In the dark bedroom, squeezed between the desk and the end of the bed, Vin held onto his brother long after he'd quieted down. He was so quiet now Vin might've thought he was asleep, except for his hand twitching open and closed around Vin's wrist. He couldn't let go and abandon Chris to that pit of misery threatening to swallow him whole. _

_Tomorrow were the funerals, Sarah and Adam. Tonight it was just him and Chris. _

_He shifted just a little, trying to get blood into his legs again. Chris was lying sort of crumpled across Vin's lap, with his head resting just above the crook of Vin's elbow, and his shoulder digging into Vin's ribs. Still Vin held on. _

_If only Mom or Dad or Buck were here, they'd know what to do. They wouldn't be setting here in the cold and the dark, hanging on for dear life, not knowing what else to do. But they weren't here, so Vin had to figure something out on his own. _

_The bed was close enough that Vin only had to reach forward a little to grab the comforter. At first the cover seemed unreasonably heavy against the strain already in his arm, but he managed to pull it off to tuck around Chris. Making sure, in the dark, that it covered him all the way down to his feet, and using a folded corner of it to cushion his ribs against Chris' shoulder. What else was there to do?_

*+*

Softness. Softness under his cheek. The flannel warmth of Chris' shoulder cushioned Vin's cheek, and his arms held Vin tight when he would've preferred to crawl under the bed and hide. The room was dark and cold, but Chris was warm and real, and Vin could feel his breath in his hair. If he could just hold onto Chris, maybe everything would be okay.

Chris wasn't saying anything, just holding him. Vin wasn't sure if it should feel as good as it did. He was a grown man after all, he owned his own house, ran his own business, but right now his whole world was the two arms holding him and the solid warmth of his brother sheltering him.

A muffled chirp made Vin jump, and Chris shifted a little, reaching to pull his cell phone out of his pocket.

"Larabee." His voice vibrated in his chest under Vin's ear. "Hi Mom. Oh yeah, bright and sunny here. Did the ice storm hit you too? We lost power."

Well, Vin figured that explained why the room was cold and dark.

"Vin fell asleep after dinner, he's still in his room." Chris was telling Mom,and Vin was grateful he didn't tell her the complete truth. "I built a fire inthe fireplace, figure we'll have to bring the sleeping bags out and stay by thefire to keep warm. No, we're all set here Mom. How're you and Jim? Okay. Okay, Mom. I'll call you tomorrow."

After a few seconds, Vin felt Chris' arm wrap around him again and pull himclose.

"How're you doing?" he whispered. Vin took a deep breath.

"I just want everything to be okay." He didn't like how his voice shook.

"Everything will be okay."

"No, no it won't."

"What won't be okay?" Chris asked.

Vin wondered how he couldn't know - there was so much that wasn't okay. Homeless people and stray animals were out in the ice storm right now, there were elderly people in nursing homes whose family never visited, abused children and babies being killed by their mothers,families starving in third world countries, global warming, manatees in Florida being wounded by propellers on outboard motors, family farms being driven out of business, all the family members he and Chris had lost .and there was a library book that had been due the day he was abducted.

"Nothing'll be okay." Vin said. Chris tightened his hold and bent his head downcloser to ask,

"You wanna give 'em to me in alphabetical order?"

Vin knew Chris wasn't joking really. Whatever was bothering him, Chris would try his best to make it seem better. But he didn't recite his list, it might seem silly. Anyway, he didn't think even Chris could do anything about globalwarming.

"Are Mom and Dad okay?" he asked instead.

"Yeah. They got hit with the ice storm too. They lost some branches, but they still have power. Do you want them to come over here?"

"No." Vin shook his head against Chris' shoulder. He could fall asleep here, in Chris' arms, where he was warm and safe. "Not in this weather."

"They'd come." Chris said.

"I know."

For a little while, they didn't move and they didn't say anything else. They just stayed there in the dark, on the floor of Vin's room. Every now and again, Chris would rub Vin's arm or his back. Other than that, they just stayed quiet.

After awhile, Vin tugged on Chris's sleeve.

"I think I've got an overdue librarybook." He admitted. He could actually feel Chris smile against his hair.

"I think they'll understand your extenuating circumstances."

M7*M7*M7

_Vin woke up. He was still upright, leaning back against the desk, his chin resting on his chest. Chris had slipped from his arms, and lay on the floor under the comforter. Outside the window, though the sun had hardly begun to rise, Vin heard the birds chirping and chittering as they began their day. His neck hurt, his legs hurt, his arms hurt. As good as a nice warm mattress sounded to Vin right now, he didn't think he could walk, and he knew hewouldn't leave Chris. He pulled another blanket off the bed to wrap around his shoulders, and then with a little maneuvering, he laid down on the floor next to Chris, turning onto this side because of the narrow space he was allowed. Sleep overtook Vin almost as soon as he closed his eyes. As he hovered close tothe edge of it, he felt Chris settle back against him, and Vin wrapped his arm around his brother before sleep claimed him entirely._

M7*M7*M7

After awhile, Chris felt Vin's body relax so he knew he'd fallen asleep. Chris would've preferred to get him off the cold bedroom floor and out to the warmth of the fireplace, but at least Vin was sleeping, and Chris was willing to take what he could get.

"Sarah, do you remember the first time I introduced you to Vin?" Chris whispered the words so lightly, they were more thought than sound. "It was right after that creep from his high school got put away. Vin was so shy. Of course, that was probably because you were the most beautiful woman in the world. He told me later that he knew from the first that we'd get married. He said he could tell the way I acted around you."

Outside the windows, the ice storm seemed to have faded away, though the world was still pitch black, and filled with the sound of iced branches clattering like wind chimes.

"I wish I knew how to help him through this, Sarah." He continued in the same soft tone. "I can't help thinking that you'd know what to do. Or at least suggest some things I could try. You remember how he took care of me after I lost you? How he was always there no matter what. Sometimes I feel like I'm flying blind here. Not when he's scared like this though, this is easy enough to take care of. It's when he starts taking those steps back into his life and into the real world that scares me."

He heard an answering whisper in the back of his mind.

"Yeah, I remember - when he was learning how to drive. I don't know what was scarier for me, that he was driving, or that he was old enough to drive. But he made it, we both made it."

Another whispered memory surfaced.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. When he graduated from college. He won that award and all those people were standing around him, wanting to talk to him. But the second he saw me, he left them to come to me. I forgot all about that." Chris smiled in the darkness. "Okay Sarah, you're so smart, how do I get him off the floor and out to the fireplace where it's warm?"

He got no answer that time, and he waited for the feel of Sarah drifting away from him, but she seemed to hover there. In his arms, Vin whimpered and flinched, then sat bolt upright.

"OW!"

"What? What is it?" Using his hands more than the little bit his sight had adjusted to the darkness, Chris could feel that Vin had one hand pressed over the right side of his back.

"My back – I got a muscle cramp – OW!"

"Wait – here – just let me – " Chris put one arm around Vin to support him, and had to push him to move his hand out of the way so he could massage the cramp. "Been awhile since you had one this bad."

"Been awhile since I haven't been on constant painkillers." Vin answered through clenched teeth. "Ow-ow-ow-ow."

Chris could feel the muscle bunched up and rippling as he used his knuckles to try and ease the spasm. Vin had been getting these for years; they just started up out of the blue one day.

"How's that?" He bore down on the obstinate muscle as hard as he could.

"Just – keep – doing – that." Vin breathed out. He had Chris' arm twisted between his hands. "I think – it's working." He relaxed his grip as the pain in his back eased. Finally, he let out a long sigh of relief.

"Thanks.I didn't think I'd live through that one."

"It felt pretty nasty." Chris said, and helped him slowly sit up. "I've got a fire going out in the fireplace, I think it'll be warmer out there. Why don't we grab the sleeping bags and pitch camp out there?"

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea." Vin let Chris help him stand, then made his way to the doorway, rubbing his back and feeling his way in the dark.

Before Chris left the bedroom, he turned to the window and look out at the starry sky.

"Next time Sarah, don't hit him so hard."

To be continued


	32. Chapter 32

_It's tall in the saddle to spend Christmas Day_

_Driving the cattle over snow covered plains_

_All of the good gifts given today_

_Ours is the sky and the wide open range_

_Christmas for cowboys and wide open plains_

Vin stood at the picture window in Chris' family room and stared out over the landscape. Everything lay quiet and buried under the foot of snow that had fallen overnight. With dawn still two hours away, the scant moonlight caused the unbroken expanse of white to glow.

Christmas morning.

He held the mug of hot chocolate between gloved hands. The nerves were growing back slowly – an inch a month Nathan said was typical – so Mom knitted him brown wool gloves to wear whenever he drank hot chocolate or tea or coffee so that he couldn't accidentally burn himself on a too-hot cup. His fingers were coming back last, and he pressed the ironstone mug between his palms, to sip out of it every so often.

Behind him the Christmas tree twinkled its tiny colored lights into the dark room, with the mountain of presents surrounding its base like an avalanche. The stereo softly played Christmas carols. John Denver, God help him, Chris listened to John Denver music.

So Vin did too.

_Back in the cities they have different ways_

_Football and eggnog, Christmas parades_

_I'll take a blanket, I'll take the reins_

_It's Christmas for cowboys and wide open plains_

He wondered what happened to those days, that summer he decided he'd grow up to be a cowboy, and Chris said it was a great idea. They got Buck and JD involved. They'd go horseback riding, and took to calling each other "Pard" and "Cowboy". Chris was designated the gunslinger, JD the tenderfoot, Buck would only be the ladies' man. Vin couldn't decide if he wanted to be a tracker, or bounty hunter or buffalo hunter, or a boy who'd been raised by Indians, and Chris – bestest big brother that he was – told him he could be all of those at the same time if he wanted.

But that summer passed, and their interests turned elsewhere. Chris and Buck became police officers, and he and JD started their own computer software business. Girls got in the way, then life – and death – got in the way. All of sudden, here they were, grown up and gone past childhood fantasies.

Vin heard the soft sounds of a bedroom door opening, and bare feet coming down the plank floor hallway. Vin turned toward the sound and waited for Chris to appear around the corner. And he appeared, jeans and sweatshirt pulled on to brave the chilly house.

"Everything okay?" he asked. Weariness radiated off of him.

"Couldn't sleep." Vin shrugged. "Didn't mean to make too much noise."

"I sleep kinda light lately." Chris pushed one hand into a pocket of his jeans, and with the other hand tugged the neck of his sweatshirt a little closer. "Cold in here. You warm enough?"

"Got mittens and hot chocolate." Vin lifted the mug where Chris could see it. "Got more in the kitchen. Made from scratch."

"Sounds good." Chris got himself a mug of hot chocolate and came back to stand next to Vin at the window. "Wow, didn't know it snowed that much."

"Seems like it's another foot deep, covering the cellar windows there."

They sipped their mugs and watched out into the still yard.

"Had fun tonight." Vin said after awhile. "Everybody over, talking and singing. The hay ride was real nice. We haven't been riding in a long time." He looked down at his weak hands. "Guess it'll be awhile I can hold the reins."

"Come spring, we'll go on a trail ride. You'll be all better by then."

"Can we get Buck and JD in it too'?" Vin asked, his eyes shining. "Eat beef jerky, play poker, drink too much whiskey, stampede the horses and kiss all the girls? I still got that spy glass you got me when I started high school."

Chris nodded. "Just don't call me 'Cowboy'."

_A campfire for warmth as we stop for the night_

_The stars overhead are Christmas tree lights_

_The wind sings a hymn as we bow down to pray_

_It's Christmas for cowboys and wide-open plains_

It was still the middle of the night, and the middle of the night was a better time to say some things.

"This Christmas means a lot to me Chris. More than I remember any Christmas meaning. Not that I never realized what I had, not that it wasn't ever just enough to have you and Mom and Dad, or all the guys. Just now." Vin looked out the window, across the snow, past the dark horizon. Chris waited and let him have his silence.

Vin took a deep breath and turned to Chris.

"Just now - having you and the fellas and Mom and Dad is all I want. I lost my independence, I lost months out of my life, I almost lost my hands - but - I gained - or maybe regained that happiness I had when we were gonna be cowboys. Remember?" He searched Chris' face, looking for a sign that he understood.

"Oh I don't know. I know I was still a kid back then, and you were already grown up. Maybe it sounds stupid." He gave up whatever he was going to say, so Chris took up the thought.

"I know what you mean Vin. Simple things. We've both had too much clutter and holding onto things we don't even own anymore. When we were going to be cowboys we were happy with a blanket, a fire, and a friend. Didn't need five different electrical appliances just to get up and dressed in the morning. We've gained simple things Vin." Chris put his arm around him. "I know what you mean."

_Tall in the saddle to spend Christmas day_

_Driving the cattle over snow covered plains_

_So many gifts have been opened today_

_Ours is the sky and the wide open range_

_It's Christmas for cowboys, and wide open plains_

_to be quilted..._


End file.
